The Single Girl’s Lament


     So I was having a conversation with one of my fabulous friends. We were talking about our hearts and our state of singleness. Well, I have been single for three hundred and seventy days(but whose keeping track). My friend stated that guys like smart women. I completely disagreed. I have a few degrees and have had them for over five years. 

     At the ripe old age of thirty-two(that is old in the world of singles), I feel like I have gone through my share of experiences in order to be an expert on singleness. I had a few boyfriends when I was a kid. In high school and college(bachelors) I didn’t have a boyfriend(that makes eight years). Then I went on to pursue graduate school(two more years, crushes, and no relationship). If you didn’t do the math that turned into ten years of no relationship. 

     Then due to life and loneliness I entered into hologram relationships(aka non relationships that seemed like a person but in fact were figments of my imagination). I was in and out of hologram relationships for the next eight years(yep, couldn’t tell me nothing, I thought I had it going on because someone told me I was cute, sexy, funny, fill in the blank). Fast forward to my last relationship which lasted for months(yes, I dreamed love would conquer all and it would be happily ever after). Let’s do the math to get up to speed, that means I was not in a relationship for eighteen years. Some of my friends have kids that are that age. 

      All the while I have prayed, hoped, wished, pined, dreamed, etc. for a relationship. That means eighteen years of hoping and wishing. Eighteen years of longing for a partner. I just recently had an old friend let me down gently and it stung just like the first time. You would think I would be immune to it. I still haven’t mastered that ability yet. 

       The usual phrase thrown my way is “when you act differently aka not aggressive, then things will change”. I have tried at different points in time to be the complete opposite of aggressive(I know how to do it) and when I do, I become invisible to guys. It doesn’t seem to matter what I wear, what I say, or even what my hair looks like. 

     In this past year I have had three dates with two of the wrong guys(wrong guy number one told me about his lovely girlfriend on our date and wrong guy number two did not listen to a word I said). I was telling my friend that I would be happy to blog about this because I can totally see the next year being more of the same. 

     I encouraged my friend to pray and listen to what God is telling her. I told her if she wants to fast together, I am fine with that too. What I have noticed is that God tells me, I just get too stubborn to listen. I feel like God tells me with every rejection. All I have to do now is stop giving my number to every guy with a twinkle in their eye and then getting mad when they don’t call. I totally get that I am not everyone’s cup of tea I just need my heart to get the memo. 

     I believe there is nothing wrong with having high standards. They are a good thing. Its just developing the patience to understand that the person won’t appear just because I decide to enforce my standards. Sometimes I just wonder if he will come. In the meantime I still have to keep moving forward. 

Peace and Blessings

2 responses »

  1. Jewell, you crack me up! I have been sitting here reading this blog out loud to my husband laughing so hard I am almost in tears! You have my kind of humor and it makes life fun! Our 25 year old daughter, now graduated with a Technical Writing degree working in an ice cream parlor. Most of her friends are engaged, married and or with children and she is alone. Every guy she meets either lies, is mental or crazy! Anyway I will offer my two cents worth; if you should choose to try this please don’t ever lose your sense of Humor!

    I was a single parent for 12 years; marriage was never again to be on my to -do list. Honestly I didn’t want another child to take care of so I wrote it off until my daughter was around 10 and told me she wanted another daddy. So much for my plans! I told her it wasn’t that easy and I really didn’t want to re-marry. She used my own wisdom and told me to ask God what he wanted me to do. Remember never to do that! LOL! Catching me in my own faith I began to pray about this informing God of my reasons for not wanting another husband. However, being the great Christian I professed to be (LOL) I told-yes I told God I would marry again but he would definitely have to find the guy because I wasn’t looking. Then I read where a woman who really wanted to get married wrote a list of the characteristics she wanted in a husband. A year later she found him.

    So I took my trusty pen and paper and wrote 10 qualifying traits in order that I wanted and began praying over this every day -but telling God over and over I really didn’t want to do this again.

    4 years later I met him; I already knew his Professor father who was a widow and a wonderful man so I knew his son couldn’t be too bad. The first date, my daughter told me when I got home to marry him. He was the one. Here we are 10 years later and I must admit he pretty much fits the list. My daughter was 14 the day we were married and wanted Mark to adopt; her. Crushing her spirit we told her that was impossible due to her dead beat father would fight it in court. If she wanted this she would have to be 18. The day she turned 18 she went to him and asked him to adopt her as an adult. Now she is his daughter too.

    So my dear, hang in there; enjoy your singleness while you can.

    And please keep us posted! God bless!


  2. Thanks Napthali! I am so glad that you got some joy from my story. I have been making a list since I was 12 lol. Yes, God knows my list 🙂 I won’t give up.


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