Hey blog readers,
I just realized that I had not provided any dissertation updates. In April of 2017, I successfully defended my research proposal. Since then, I have been writing and editing in order to craft my dissertation into something substantial. First and foremost, it has to be readable. That means, I have to make all of my thoughts make sense.
While I am attempting to do that, life continues to happen. Nothing too spectacular, just the normal busyness of life with some added anxiety of the job market. I am applying to a number of places. I re-dyed my hair so that it would be one color(well, let’s just say my hair laughed a lot). Overall, it sort of is the same shade.
I am also training for a marathon with a friend long-distance(this will be her first marathon) and I hope to be healthy enough to cross the finish line. This past year(along with recovering from the car accident), I have been dealing with a lot of calf tightness. It has forced me to walk a lot and do other exercises. At this point, it manages to alert me during part of the first mile and then diminishes. It is so annoying.
One of the things that we try to do is stay focused on the present moment. Not focusing on the past(because we can’t change it) and not focusing on the future(because it hasn’t happened yet). I’m in a weird conundrum where I attempt to be okay with the present but I am really future focused. Thankfully I have time to work on it. We all have the present to begin working on things.
I worked on some grounding and breathing today. It really helped. I am going to have to do more of it. I do a lot of shallow breathing. Deep breathing feels better. Maybe shallow breathing is easier. I also decided to stay in my yoga poses longer(still working on it). I have had so much on my mind.
I love how everyone is counting down the summer for me. I am enough of an overplanner to know about the number of weeks I have. I know that I should be happier about it but because I have so much on my mind, it still lingers in the back of my head. Probably due to my not being able to predict the future.
SP is doing great. This week it will be one month since we have decided to give it another go. I miss him a lot. I was thinking about our first date(I think I mentioned this yesterday). So I am going to share some happy memories with him. I try to do my best not to embarrass him too bad but sometimes I just can’t help it.
I am officially finishing up OITNB today(whoo). I hated the book but I love the show. It is a million times better than the book. I guess because I hated the book, I also hate Piper. I am not sharing any spoilers. I just really think the show is genius. In other news, I wish I could figure out how to unfollow people on Twitter in one fell swoop for free.
Well, I have to get back to this finale lol
Last week was filled with a lot of changes. I had so many moments where I wanted to blog but I could only manage to email SP. He offered me a lot of support and encouragement. So I thought about blogging everyday but I was too exhausted.
My summer semester has officially begun. You would think I would be excited about ten weeks of fun but I am freaking out. I’m not sure why. Just general freaking out.
I moved in with my new roommate and it is quite the change in scene but it is so peaceful. She has two cats which are nice. There are a ton of cats in the neighborhood. Its like Cat Street lol. I also started internship everyday which is a tad exhausting.
I managed to start running again. I am really close to an awesome spot and it makes it such a joy to run. Then my favorite show came on Netflix so now I am slowly binging it and thinking about all of its meaning. I had some possible job leads that I followed up on. I hope to hear something soon.
This week will make it one month that SP has been gone. I don’t think I have missed him more than last week. It was pretty funny how to think of how to tell someone how much you miss them in a like way(since we are still in the like phase). I guess right now its like super like. Its like with emphasis. He is still doing well. I am happy for that.
Yesterday I went to a community conference where I had the opportunity to meet some members of city council. It was a really informative event. I guess it was open to the community but I thought it would have been cool if it had actually been tons of members of the community having a conversation about community needs.
I look forward to getting more sleep this week. I had to learn some hard lessons this past week which I hope to continue to learn from and apply in the new week.
Well, today was just a storm of life. I picked fifty pepperoni pieces off of a tiny pizza and ate what was left of the pizza. I had one small cupcake. I had ice cream for breakfast. Just because. So I came home and made a new recipe that I found on Pinterest and it was delicious. It was literally a one pot meal. It was probably one of the fastest meals I have ever made. It was tomato and basil pasta. I made it with Soba and rice noodles. I saved the rest for tomorrow. I had different ice cream after dinner.
I was talking with my landlady about the difference between positive and negative attitudes. I basically told her that she is always negative. She said that no, I am always negative. My problem is this, I have a lot of people in my life who have money and live comfortably but are always negative and speak as if they were poor.This sounds like bs to an actual poor person. I backed up every instance she mentioned with evidence.
I also told her that she tells God what she wants(like all the specifics) whereas I just ask God for things in general terms. Because we don’t know how God is going to lead or work in the matter. I was lamenting because I have to look for and find a job. Since I have to do my unpaid internship during the day I need a job that offers nights and weekends. Basically I am applying for everything I can think of.
I am scared because I don’t know how God is leading and working. I hate the unknown. I would just like a general nudge or something to know that things are going to work out. I guess I am just freaking out because last summer I had an awesome work study position and this summer I don’t. In other news, I did a decent job with packing. So tomorrow is set to just move things to storage.
I didn’t hear from SP this morning. I’m not shocked. I am still going to email him anyway because it doesn’t make sense to get mad at him over something so silly. Nor does it make sense to take stuff out on him that is out of both of our controls. I did think about him a lot today. I am hopeful that I can make him smile whenever he gets a chance to read my email.
Today I woke up early to run errands. I had an appointment at school. I applied for a few jobs. I met up with a classmate. It was great until I had to spend an outrageous amount of money for a paperback textbook. Ouch. I may have let a few curse words fly at the register.
I made it to the post office when I realized I didn’t have a document I needed so I had to walk twenty-five minutes home in the heat. I survived. I got some sad news that one of the students I was scheduled to meet in the fall had been killed in a car accident. I am praying for her family and friends.
I met up with my new roommate. She is so cool and I got to meet one of her cats. So adorable and forgiving after I stepped on his paw(ouch and oops). I felt bad. He forgave me and that was sweet. This is all happening and I am very excited. I hope that I am able to get a job soon because that will help a lot with everything.
I heard from SP. Of course he is out saving the world and being awesome. I am so tired. I walked six miles today. So I am going to email SP and hit the hay. Here’s to getting sleep for tomorrow.
Today I woke up feeling terrible. Just tired and achy all over. So I did my best to rest. I woke up to the news of Maya Angelou’s passing and it was sad to hear. She has had such an influence on my life and countless others. She will not be forgotten. I managed to get some packing done. I have been procrastinating so I was happy to at least get started. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
I didn’t hear from SP today. I am sure he must be busy saving the world and everything. I love reading blogs(new ones, old ones, in between ones). I think it is so neat to hear about peoples’ adventures and lives. I also enjoy seeing what people pin. Pinterest is so much fun. At first I didn’t realize why people enjoyed it so much. Now, I can’t stay away from it.
I hope that tomorrow is a better day. I have a lot of errands to run. I chatted with an old party friend who was pretty clueless about what I have been up to. She couldn’t understand why I had made some of the choices I had made and she asked a lot of questions about SP. I told her that I was happy and that I was doing well. The reason why I don’t have tons of pics of SP everywhere is because we really haven’t taken a lot of pictures together. Plus I don’t think the world has stopped spinning because I don’t have pictures everywhere. Now maybe I will sing a different tune once we take more pics.
I woke up this morning to sad news. Hearing that one of our greatest gifts had gone to heaven. Maya you will be forever missed. Thank you for your courage, faith, hope, and beauty. Thank you for teaching us all how to live boldly, love strongly, and share freely. Words do not express all that you have impressed upon our hearts.
I remember the first time I read “I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings”. I was in high school, still trying to find my way in the world. I mean some days I still am. Your amazing truth helped me to know that I would make it. I could also live freely. I no longer had to be a caged bird, I could fly. Your words gave me wings.
You taught me how to love every part of myself and to love every part of someone else. You taught me that my voice matters. You taught me how to be comfortable in my awkward uniqueness. You taught me what it means to walk in the light of love. These are just some of the things that you taught me.
You showed me how to care for the global community. You showed me how to navigate the rocky roads of life. You showed me how to live out my purpose and never let my light die out. You showed me the importance of helping others and how we grow together. You showed me resilience. You showed me true self confidence. You showed me how to be me.
Although I did not have the chance to meet you in this life, I know that your words and gifts surround me like a blanket of love and help to mold me into the person I am to become. The world is a better place because of the joy and wisdom that you gave to it. You will never be forgotten. You will be kept in our hearts and minds like a warm light guiding our way to our purpose. Thank you for your insight and laughter.