Tag Archives: Life

1000 Swipes


I meant to write this post months ago but as time went on the only thing I managed to do was think about it over and over. Today, I decided that I would take the time and write it. I know that I may seem like the queen of quitting online dating but I have to explain what took me over the edge.

Earlier in the year I was on a few different sites and decided to swipe left or right on 1000 profiles. Toward the end of that madness, someone got in touch with me and asked me out on a date. We had a few conversations and I agreed.

Our first date was great. I really enjoyed our conversation. My date asked me on a second date a few days later and I agreed. Our second date was quirky and fun and that led to my date asking for a third. Well, I was excited about the third date until he mentioned Netflix and Chill. I don’t do Netflix and Chill. My standard response is that I have my own Netflix. When I am pressed for more information, I explain that I had bad experiences in the past and as a result, prefer to get to know a person before I entertain Netflix and Chill. Most guys don’t actually want to hear that. My date was one of those guys. He actually got mad that I would not agree which made me get mad that he was pressing me. So, I stopped talking to him.

I took a break for a few months and then thought I would give it the old college try. What I found was actually worse than I had remembered. Guys were being really inappropriate in first messages and sending unsolicited pics over sites that weren’t Tinder and I was just over it.

So, I waved my white flag and surrendered to online dating failure. In that time I learned a few lessons. The first lesson I learned was to listen to my first mind because it does not steer me wrong. The second lesson I learned is that while many find love through online dating, that just won’t be my story. It doesn’t make me any less excited for them and it doesn’t make me any less of a hopeless romantic at heart. The third lesson I learned is that even though I have been online dating on and off for over ten years, I should have waved my white flag a long time ago. All of those starts and stops were just me trying to deny the truth of my experience and I wasted a lot of time in the process.

The only downside to not online dating is that I am not meeting more people(which was my goal from the beginning) and unfortunately I am back at square one but I have to believe that is for a reason. As much as I want some things to be different, things aren’t different for reasons that have nothing to do with me.

Cheers to the dating journey.

When Social Policy Isn’t A Turn On


Last night I had a date(why yes it was with someone I met online). My date had asked if I wanted to meet for drinks or dinner and I suggested we meet up for drinks and then take it from there(less pressure). I was excited, we were both looking forward to meeting.

So when I finally meet up(after my Uber driver did not know where to go and I had to walk to the place), I find my date at a table. The restaurant is really nice. I sit down and check out the menu. We exchange pleasantries and then my date spends the rest of our time together talking. Not talking about just anything but talking about social policy.

Now don’t get me wrong, I do love a good social policy discussion but only when it involves how to improve or change existing social policy. My date had some rather interesting(but not surprising) views about social policy. But he didn’t really frame the conversation in a way that would have provided for back and forth banter it was more like insight into just how little people actually think about social policy(even though they are often the ones to implement it).

For instance, my date said that one reason for the ills of the Black community was due to their love of fried chicken(narrator: indeed it is not). So I flipped it back on him and asked him how he would like it if we told his community that we would take away their cultural food ways (narrator: indeed he did not). So let’s just say I drank a lot of water and listened. Until I could not listen any more.

Needless to say, online dating is hard. Dating is hard. But it is what one has to do in order to make an effort to find love.

The date also gave me insight into why a lot of social policy indeed doesn’t work, because those who have the ability to change and improve existing policy seek to change the cultures of the communities that are in need to help instead of actually working to eliminate the real issues that negatively impact these communities aka systemic and institutional racism.

My date also gave me insight into how men set up their online dating profiles. It turns out the reason why many of them choose not to put effort into their profiles is due to the belief that people only care about their pics and that no one indeed reads profiles.

I asked my date if he was indeed looking to date and he mentioned that he was but he also brought up how he approaches it as a kind of networking of sorts. I don;t know what to think about that because on the one hand, it is important to meet different people to find out who you would be a good match with but on the other hand, I don’t want to approach a date with an agenda either. I don’t know, maybe I am a tad basic in that regard.

What is funny about that is most of my interactions with men on online dating sites involves them asking me if I have actually read their profiles(because in weird passive aggressive language written in odd font, they actually tell me what their kinks are and shame on me for not reading the multiple paragraph intros that they curate). This is then followed by me wishing them well. Listen, I have no problem with kinks(they are your business) but if I am not on an explicit kink site, I believe that should be a discussion had in person and/or behind closed doors). Don’t get me wrong, I am a fan of stimulating conversation but stimulating just might be in the eye(or ear) of the beholder.

So here I am attempting to see how long I will be able to swim in the online dating waters this go round. I want to be able to say that I gave it a shot but each attempt seems to end up with the round about same result.

We shall see what is to become of these online dating adventures.






2017 The Road To Dissertation Defense


Hey blog readers,

I just realized that I had not provided any dissertation updates. In April of 2017, I successfully defended my research proposal. Since then, I have been writing and editing in order to craft my dissertation into something substantial. First and foremost, it has to be readable. That means, I have to make all of my thoughts make sense.

While I am attempting to do that, life continues to happen. Nothing too spectacular, just the normal busyness of life with some added anxiety of the job market. I am applying to a number of places. I re-dyed my hair so that it would be one color(well, let’s just say my hair laughed a lot). Overall, it sort of is the same shade.

I am also training for a marathon with a friend long-distance(this will be her first marathon) and I hope to be healthy enough to cross the finish line. This past year(along with recovering from the car accident), I have been dealing with a lot of calf tightness. It has forced me to walk a lot and do other exercises. At this point, it manages to alert me during part of the first mile and then diminishes. It is so annoying.


Being In The Present


     One of the things that we try to do is stay focused on the present moment. Not focusing on the past(because we can’t change it) and not focusing on the future(because it hasn’t happened yet). I’m in a weird conundrum where I attempt to be okay with the present but I am really future focused. Thankfully I have time to work on it. We all have the present to begin working on things.

      I worked on some grounding and breathing today. It really helped. I am going to have to do more of it. I do a lot of shallow breathing. Deep breathing feels better. Maybe shallow breathing is easier. I also decided to stay in my yoga poses longer(still working on it). I have had so much on my mind.

     I love how everyone is counting down the summer for me. I am enough of an overplanner to know about the number of weeks I have. I know that I should be happier about it but because I have so much on my mind, it still lingers in the back of my head. Probably due to my not being able to predict the future.

     SP is doing great. This week it will be one month since we have decided to give it another go. I miss him a lot. I was thinking about our first date(I think I mentioned this yesterday). So I am going to share some happy memories with him. I try to do my best not to embarrass him too bad but sometimes I just can’t help it.

     I am officially finishing up OITNB today(whoo). I hated the book but I love the show. It is a million times better than the book. I guess because I hated the book, I also hate Piper. I am not sharing any spoilers. I just really think the show is genius. In other news, I wish I could figure out how to unfollow people on Twitter in one fell swoop for free.

     Well, I have to get back to this finale lol



What A Week


Last week was filled with a lot of changes. I had so many moments where I wanted to blog but I could only manage to email SP. He offered me a lot of support and encouragement. So I thought about blogging everyday but I was too exhausted.
My summer semester has officially begun. You would think I would be excited about ten weeks of fun but I am freaking out. I’m not sure why. Just general freaking out.
I moved in with my new roommate and it is quite the change in scene but it is so peaceful. She has two cats which are nice. There are a ton of cats in the neighborhood. Its like Cat Street lol. I also started internship everyday which is a tad exhausting.
I managed to start running again. I am really close to an awesome spot and it makes it such a joy to run. Then my favorite show came on Netflix so now I am slowly binging it and thinking about all of its meaning. I had some possible job leads that I followed up on. I hope to hear something soon.
This week will make it one month that SP has been gone. I don’t think I have missed him more than last week. It was pretty funny how to think of how to tell someone how much you miss them in a like way(since we are still in the like phase). I guess right now its like super like. Its like with emphasis. He is still doing well. I am happy for that.
Yesterday I went to a community conference where I had the opportunity to meet some members of city council. It was a really informative event. I guess it was open to the community but I thought it would have been cool if it had actually been tons of members of the community having a conversation about community needs.
I look forward to getting more sleep this week. I had to learn some hard lessons this past week which I hope to continue to learn from and apply in the new week.

Wrapped In Fear


     Well, today was just a storm of life. I picked fifty pepperoni pieces off of a tiny pizza and ate what was left of the pizza. I had one small cupcake. I had ice cream for breakfast. Just because. So I came home and made a new recipe that I found on Pinterest and it was delicious. It was literally a one pot meal. It was probably one of the fastest meals I have ever made. It was tomato and basil pasta. I made it with Soba and rice noodles. I saved the rest for tomorrow. I had different ice cream after dinner. 

     I was talking with my landlady about the difference between positive and negative attitudes. I basically told her that she is always negative. She said that no, I am always negative. My problem is this, I have a lot of people in my life who have money and live comfortably but are always negative and speak as if they were poor.This sounds like bs to an actual poor person.  I backed up every instance she mentioned with evidence. 

     I also told her that she tells God what she wants(like all the specifics) whereas I just ask God for things in general terms. Because we don’t know how God is going to lead or work in the matter. I was lamenting because I have to look for and find a job. Since I have to do my unpaid internship during the day I need a job that offers nights and weekends. Basically I am applying for everything I can think of. 

     I am scared because I don’t know how God is leading and working. I hate the unknown. I would just like a general nudge or something to know that things are going to work out. I guess I am just freaking out because last summer I had an awesome work study position and this summer I don’t. In other news, I did a decent job with packing. So tomorrow is set to just move things to storage. 

     I didn’t hear from SP this morning. I’m not shocked. I am still going to email him anyway because it doesn’t make sense to get mad at him over something so silly. Nor does it make sense to take stuff out on him that is out of both of our controls. I did think about him a lot today. I am hopeful that I can make him smile whenever he gets a chance to read my email. 






     Today I woke up early to run errands. I had an appointment at school. I applied for a few jobs. I met up with a classmate. It was great until I had to spend an outrageous amount of money for a paperback textbook. Ouch. I may have let a few curse words fly at the register. 

     I made it to the post office when I realized I didn’t have a document I needed so I had to walk twenty-five minutes home in the heat. I survived. I got some sad news that one of the students I was scheduled to meet in the fall had been killed in a car accident. I am praying for her family and friends. 

     I met up with my new roommate. She is so cool and I got to meet one of her cats. So adorable and forgiving after I stepped on his paw(ouch and oops). I felt bad. He forgave me and that was sweet. This is all happening and I am very excited. I hope that I am able to get a job soon because that will help a lot with everything. 

    I heard from SP. Of course he is out saving the world and being awesome. I am so tired. I walked six miles today. So I am going to email SP and hit the hay. Here’s to getting sleep for tomorrow. 



Interesting Day




     Today I woke up feeling terrible. Just tired and achy all over. So I did my best to rest. I woke up to the news of Maya Angelou’s passing and it was sad to hear. She has had such an influence on my life and countless others. She will not be forgotten. I managed to get some packing done. I have been procrastinating so I was happy to at least get started. There is light at the end of the tunnel. 

     I didn’t hear from SP today. I am sure he must be busy saving the world and everything. I love reading blogs(new ones, old ones, in between ones). I think it is so neat to hear about peoples’ adventures and lives. I also enjoy seeing what people pin. Pinterest is so much fun. At first I didn’t realize why people enjoyed it so much. Now, I can’t stay away from it. 

     I hope that tomorrow is a better day. I have a lot of errands to run. I chatted with an old party friend who was pretty clueless about what I have been up to. She couldn’t understand why I had made some of the choices I had made and she asked a lot of questions about SP. I told her that I was happy and that I was doing well. The reason why I don’t have tons of pics of SP everywhere is because we really haven’t taken a lot of pictures together. Plus I don’t think the world has stopped spinning because I don’t have pictures everywhere. Now maybe I will sing a different tune once we take more pics. 



Remembering Maya



     I woke up this morning to sad news. Hearing that one of our greatest gifts had gone to heaven. Maya you will be forever missed. Thank you for your courage, faith, hope, and beauty. Thank you for teaching us all how to live boldly, love strongly, and share freely. Words do not express all that you have impressed upon our hearts. 

     I remember the first time I read “I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings”. I was in high school, still trying to find my way in the world. I mean some days I still am. Your amazing truth helped me to know that I would make it. I could also live freely. I no longer had to be a caged bird, I could fly. Your words gave me wings. 

     You taught me how to love every part of myself and to love every part of someone else. You taught me that my voice matters. You taught me how to be comfortable in my awkward uniqueness. You taught me what it means to walk in the light of love. These are just some of the things that you taught me. 

     You showed me how to care for the global community. You showed me how to navigate the rocky roads of life. You showed me how to live out my purpose and never let my light die out. You showed me the importance of helping others and how we grow together. You showed me resilience. You showed me true self confidence. You showed me how to be me. 

     Although I did not have the chance to meet you in this life, I know that your words and gifts surround me like a blanket of love and help to mold me into the person I am to become. The world is a better place because of the joy and wisdom that you gave to it. You will never be forgotten. You will be kept in our hearts and minds like a warm light guiding our way to our purpose. Thank you for your insight and laughter. 



Something New



     Today I made Soba noodles for the first time ever. They were delicious. I made them with a green curry paste and an assortment of spices. The problem I have when I make something good. I don’t make enough of it. They were so good I am tempted to make them for breakfast. 

     I woke up not feeling very well(my voice was on the verge of leaving, I blame the ac). So I tried to take it easy. I participated in a podcast today  called Right To R.E.A.L. Love about cohabitation(the pros and cons). It was a lively discussion. I really enjoyed it. It should be available next month. 

     I missed the beginning of Extreme Weight Loss(which is one of my favorite shows). But I was able to catch a good portion of it. It was so inspirational and motivating. The contestant lost 150 pounds. She spoke about eating her pain(and I thought pain and shame). It made me think about what I am eating. I know that a lot of people eat out of comfort, I will have to do some research to find out why and tips to stop. So I pushed myself to do a workout before bed. 300 weighted squats, some other arm exercises with my 5lbers. I took the rest of my weights to storage. I hope to wake up early tomorrow and get in some movement before my day gets started. 

     I didn’t hear from SP,hopefully I hear from him tomorrow. I still haven’t quite figured out our time difference. I know that he is doing well. I am so proud of him(and everyone who has served/currently serving). So I am off to send an email ad hit the hay.