Tag Archives: faith

Wrapped In Fear

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     Well, today was just a storm of life. I picked fifty pepperoni pieces off of a tiny pizza and ate what was left of the pizza. I had one small cupcake. I had ice cream for breakfast. Just because. So I came home and made a new recipe that I found on Pinterest and it was delicious. It was literally a one pot meal. It was probably one of the fastest meals I have ever made. It was tomato and basil pasta. I made it with Soba and rice noodles. I saved the rest for tomorrow. I had different ice cream after dinner. 

     I was talking with my landlady about the difference between positive and negative attitudes. I basically told her that she is always negative. She said that no, I am always negative. My problem is this, I have a lot of people in my life who have money and live comfortably but are always negative and speak as if they were poor.This sounds like bs to an actual poor person.  I backed up every instance she mentioned with evidence. 

     I also told her that she tells God what she wants(like all the specifics) whereas I just ask God for things in general terms. Because we don’t know how God is going to lead or work in the matter. I was lamenting because I have to look for and find a job. Since I have to do my unpaid internship during the day I need a job that offers nights and weekends. Basically I am applying for everything I can think of. 

     I am scared because I don’t know how God is leading and working. I hate the unknown. I would just like a general nudge or something to know that things are going to work out. I guess I am just freaking out because last summer I had an awesome work study position and this summer I don’t. In other news, I did a decent job with packing. So tomorrow is set to just move things to storage. 

     I didn’t hear from SP this morning. I’m not shocked. I am still going to email him anyway because it doesn’t make sense to get mad at him over something so silly. Nor does it make sense to take stuff out on him that is out of both of our controls. I did think about him a lot today. I am hopeful that I can make him smile whenever he gets a chance to read my email. 

Shalom

Namaste

     

Productive

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  • First reading
    • Acts 17:22-31
  • Psalm
    • Psalm 66:8-20
  • Second reading
    • 1 Peter 3:13-22
  • Gospel
    • John 14:15-21

     This weeks readings speak of Christ at God’s right hand and the gift we have been given in the Holy Spirit. The reading in John mentions the Holy Spirit and how the world isn’t looking for the Holy Spirit. I wonder if we sometimes take the Holy Spirit for granted. This makes me mindful of all of the great gifts that God gives and how I can’t take any of it as not a big deal. If it weren’t for the Holy Spirit getting me through so many situations in my life, I would not have the testimony that I cling to. 

    Today I felt really productive because I was able to get a lot of stuff moved before the rain moved in. On my last trip, the rain started to come down and I took that as my cue to pick it back up tomorrow. Some of the neighbors thought that I was moving today. I let them know that I was still getting stuff ready for the move. I also counted these trips as my workout for the day. 

     I also managed to do my nails and toes(I like to try and do them once a week unless I am feeling super lazy). I looked up some beauty youtube videos and found out that I don’t put on nearly enough mascara lol. I have enough of it, so I think I can put a few more coats on(to get my desired look). I am also proud of myself because I did not whine about anything today. 

    I went to breakfast with my world traveling friend and she gifted me with cool earrings from Columbia and sweet treats from Japan(they were to die for). We had a fun adventure around the city just laughing and catching up. I didn’t tell her but I think she is my spirit animal. If you think I am positive all the time, she is 10x more positive than I am. She is such a sweet spirit. 

     Today I just did my best to be grateful for the little things. I heated up some leftovers and added some cornbread(it was delicious). Maybe delicious is an understatement. Then I wondered if the food I make is good because I made it or because I was hungry. Well, either way, it was really good. 

      Other than that, I am taking it easy. I am going to write SP a few letters and send him an email. It is Memorial Day weekend so hug or high five a hero 🙂

Shalom

Namaste

Count It All Joy

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“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds” James 1:2

     Today this verse was in my evening devotional. It is so true and beneficial. It sure is hard to see sometimes. This morning I had great ideas and plans for packing and putting things away. Well, my body had other plans. I just really could not get it together. So I took it easy and did a little bit at a time. I managed to do laundry and make my bed seem live-able. I was sure that I was going to take a nap and that didn’t happen. 

     I popped some cookies in the oven and that made the house smell great. Everyone was all smiles. Oh the fun of baking yummy treats. I miss that. When I was a kid, my Mom always baked cakes and cookies. Especially during the holidays. I can’t say I will ever be as good of a cook as her because she didn’t pass on her secrets to me. But I do my best. 

     I went for a nice run. The breeze made it all worth it. I talked to a few neighbors. Everyone seemed to be taking it easy. I didn’t hear from SP. I wasn’t upset. I know that he needs to get settled in. Also I just kept saying to myself that we were apart for two months without contact and I managed, so I can definitely handle a few days. 

     Well, I am off to send an email and try and get some sleep. I am tired also because I spent a huge chunk of time trying to get the blog organized and finally found the solution I needed(yay). So I hope it is even easier for people to navigate. 

Shalom

Namaste

Grace

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“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.” Ephesians 2:8
     I had a conversation with a friend last night about my blog and how I was trying to think of things to write about. She mentioned grace. I thought it was a good idea but I was too tired to write about it.
     So here I am. When I think of grace, I usually think of God’s grace for us. I see God’s grace as all consuming and covering a multitude of my shortcomings. I don’t have to ask God for grace,  He freely gives it. Even though I do my best to ask for it.
     My grace for others is kind of like a big vat. I do my best to offer it to others when needed and other times I withhold it just because a person didn’t ask for it. I’m human. I can recognize that.
     My grace for myself ebbs and flows like waves. On good days it rushes in like high tide and on not so good days it is hidden like water in the desert.  The more grace that I am able to show to myself and others, the more open I am to joy. Not just joy but all of the other things in life that money can’t buy. Like peace and serenity. If these are the things that I want to have more of, I have to be open to them. I have to stay open to them.
Shalom
Namaste

It Takes What It Takes-Reflection

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     The Women’s Conference at church was awesome. The speakers were great and I really learned a lot. There was a lot to take in. I was so inspired and ready to take on the world. I was able to finish up my last assignments for the semester. I started to get a little excited about graduation. 

     I know I have wobbled in my thoughts on online dating. I have asked tons of friends. I have read tons of articles. I have had a lot of feedback. Then I decided to see what God had to say about it. I started to draw back a bit when I had the idea of reconnecting with my ex. Then I realized I was excited about the idea of him. I wasn’t excited about the reality of him.

     Even though he apologized, there really wasn’t anything else there. I mean I discussed with him how much I continued to hate online dating and he seemed to have no problem with it. Then I just started to feel those same old feelings that I used to have come back. There is something about him that I don’t trust and he didn’t do anything to even acknowledge it or attempt to change it.

     When you tell someone in recovery that you would take care of them if they chose to drink, that is not a term of endearment, it is a sign that you don’t understand the person’s journey. Of course I mentioned it. You know the feeling you get when someone is lying to you and you just aren’t in their face to give them a huge side eye. Yeah, that is what my gut is telling me. 

     What some people don’t seem to realize is I have probably been through an encyclopedia of bad dates/relates/crap so I know all of the elements that made a not gonna happen tornado. So yes, if a miracle happens and he does take me out this weekend, I will have an open mind and open eyes. If it doesn’t happen, I will not be surprised. My thought today was why would someone take an ex back. I mean I practically did an empty chair on myself. I drank three cups of tea today(I am finding that tea brings much clarity). All I could think was why would he want to be in my face(since he had me but didn’t do anything with me) and then why would I really want to be in his. 

     So the ex is in the same boat as all of the other guys who I interacted with, who just aren’t quite stepping up to the plate. I like to think that I am not asking for too much in a relationship but I am. I am asking for a lot because I have a lot to add to the equation. So today, after letting him know how he could contact me(which he already knew), I deleted my accounts. I feel like a weight has been lifted. 

     So now I am going to focus on what is ahead of me and do my best to leave everything in God’s hands. He knows exactly what my journey looks like. Nothing that I do surprises Him. I also know that God would not want me to just put myself around people who can’t see my good qualities and can only think about what I am no longer giving. 

     I have a big appointment tomorrow. I’m not nervous, just wouldn’t mind doing anything else. So if you pray for me, please add extra prayers tomorrow. Yesterday I had some awesome avocado tacos and today I made some that were even better. So tomorrow I have more avocado tacos to look forward too. 

     I took a dating readiness quiz and I got a yellow light(proceed with caution). I like to think that I am ready to date and build a relationship but maybe I’m not. I have to be open to that idea. I know that I can be weird. I won’t stop praying about it though. I like to think I have come a long way, but maybe relationship wise I haven’t. So I have to pray that I get healthier and wiser in order to be a good partner for someone instead of an afterthought. Yes, I have no problem taking the blame for my mistakes. At the same time, if you were in my shoes, I am sure you would have ended things even sooner. Yes, I do realize that I am terribly impatient. But its like the saying goes, don’t pee on my leg and tell me its raining.

     In other news, I went to a Christian fashion show and it was a blast. The only bad part was my knees weren’t covered, so every time someone walked past me or was introduced to me, the first thing they looked at were my knees. Yes, the holy side eye is a harsh experience. In fact I mentioned it because some ladies were talking about the dress standards. I made the point that yes people do need to have conversations about it instead of just the usual side eye and gossip behind their backs. The fashions were fantastic though. It definitely made me think about my old wardrobe and some of the really cute skirts that I miss. 

Shalom

Namaste

Forgiveness

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     The Bible speaks to us over and over about forgiveness. It also gives us numerous examples of forgiveness in action.When we open our hearts to forgive,  the more grace is given to us.
     Not only am I called to forgive others, but I also have to forgive myself. As much as I like to think I am, I’m not perfect.  Sometimes I jump the gun and when I think I’m right, I hold onto my rightness with a tight grip. It doesn’t take much to forgive, just a little bit of taking down pride and ego.
     Yesterday someone that I had started to care about did just that. I had tried a few times to let him know my plans and that I usually don’t give people second chances. He apologized to me. He told me that he admires how I stick to my guns.  Now I know it took a lot. He told me how he felt and he can’t wait to see me again.  I’m excited to see him too. So we shall see how God continues to lead.
     Today I am attending a women’s conference at church.  I always love gathering to grow in the word. It looks like it is going to be a jam packed day filled with fun and faith.
       I hope that you have a blessed day!
Shalom
Namaste

I Hope You Find What You’re Looking For

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     Today has been an interesting day. My allergies decided to flare up. I’m ready for a nap.
     I cleaned up my online dating profiles because I realized people were not reading them. I thought it would simplify things a bit. Then I found out that it didn’t.  I told the ex that he wasn’t going to change(most people don’t) and since we are really looking for different things, its best that we stop while we are ahead. 
     I also found myself telling a few people that I hope they find what they are looking for. I think it’s easier than trying to force something artificial. Dating is hard enough as it is. 
     I’m really excited about the women’s conference at church tomorrow. I always love learning new things. Plus, its always nice to get a new perspective.
     Its May so that means a new Spartan challenge. I like that every exercise involves thirty reps. I plan on adding a yoga sequence to the mix. I may go for a run later.
     I hope that you have a great day. Thanks for reading my little slice of the Internet.
Shalom
Namaste