Tag Archives: God

Nourish My Soul

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“Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; worship the LORD in the spirit of his holiness” Psalm 29:2

     This morning I woke up extra early actually rested from sleep(thank God) and found out that I was unable to do what I thought I needed to do. So I worked out and flitted about the Internet. I just started dancing around my room. So it was a morning dance party. Which ended up being much needed. 

     This month’s BlogHer theme is nourish. So I hope to stick to it and write about things that nourish me. Music nourishes my soul and so does being close to God through prayer and devotions. Yesterday I had a conversation with some friends about prayer and devotions. My friend said that when we have an issue, we can pray about it for a week(give it over to God) and then see what happens, otherwise we haven’t actually given the problem over to the ultimate problem solver. Light bulb moment for me right there. How many things have I said that I have given to God but really kept tight in my hand. 

     What would happen if instead of complaining, my first reaction was prayer? I mean if situations don’t change, the least I can do is change my attitude toward the situation. Today’s devotion was spot on. It said that as we give ourselves more time with God,we have no time for worry. I can start today. So that is the plan. 

     That means no complaining about online dating. At least for one day to start. The only thing I can focus on is my life and how I am living it. I am either drawing closer to God’s purpose and plan for my life or I am doing some sort of spiral bouncing around what I should be doing. I can be grateful for all of my blessings and each moment that I can be a blessing to someone else. 

     I hope you have a great day and know that prayer changes everything 🙂

Shalom

Namaste

     

     

Love One Another-Lent Day 6

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“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
John 13:34-35

This scripture was so perfect for today. It is good to have days where all you do is focus on others and how you can better help them. Today I had the opportunity to hear about humility. I also learned about humility. Then I had the opportunity to put humility into action. Each day is such a gift. Only when I stop to think about all that I have been through am I humbled. To be just in my current moment is humbling. 

I am so grateful for my friends and family. Having people in my life who not only care about me but who have patience with me to listen and guide me on my path. When I think I have a problem or concern, I really don’t. That is such a blessing. Knowing that other people can understand me even when I am still learning things about myself is a true gift. 

Today I did not completely focus on myself. I had many moments where I just listened and soaked in my surroundings. I love to learn new things. I know that I can learn the most when I am quiet. When I don’t have all of the answers no matter how much I think I can do, that means I can still grow. 

One funny thing that happened today, I had a piece of vegan cake(I was so excited about it) and I don’t know what happened but it just didn’t taste sweet. My brain could not compute. It looked like chocolate cake, it smelled like chocolate cake but it sure didn’t taste like it. I only ate half of it and ate the rest after a wonderful dinner. 

I also found out about some supplements that I need to take asap. My good friend and sheroe told me that I have to accept that I am getting older. I am working on it. So hopefully I have this stomach issue figured out soon.

I got some new conditioning cream and some oils for my hair(we shall see what happens). I think it made my hair bigger lol. I am really trying to go back to basics with my hair regimen. Currently it is shampoo, conditioner, and gel. Some days it is conditioner, gel, and mousse. So now it may be conditioner, conditioner cream, oil, and gel. 

As much as I don’t want the day to end, I have to try and get some rest for tomorrow. 

Namaste

God Helps The Helpless-Lent Day 5

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God gives grace (favor, blessing) to the humble- 1 Peter 5:5

     When we feel down and out, God is always there for us. All we have to do is call or cry out. He brings comfort, grace, and mercy. I know that we are all facing our own battles. Some larger than others, some real and some imagined. I am a super sensitive person(aka highly sensitive person). So everything affects me. 

      I just remember being a kid and crying and telling people that my whole family was Black even my dog. My family is diverse. I didn’t grow up with hate for a whole group of people. I hate discrimination. I hate hate. I want happiness and freedom for everyone. At the same time I know that it is not good for me to offer myself on the pyre for the sins of my ancestors. The only thing that I can do is do better. 

     I think that the people who know me, know my heart. The other day my friend said that we are all just trying to make it. I totally believe that. I think we are all just trying to make it to another day. I also think that showing kindness to others is one way to shine God’s light into the world. 

     So I have to work on not entering into internet debates because I take things to heart and it only winds up hurting me. I also have to just take a deep breathe and realize that this too shall pass. I have to accept myself completely and fully first before I can demand anyone else to accept me. 

I hope that you have a great day. 

Namaste

A Quick Post Before Church

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     As I prepare to play my flute before church,  a ton of thoughts flood my brain. I realize that my Mother never had the opportunity to hear me play in concert. I wonder if she hears me now. I wonder what she is doing.
     A friend said that my Mom would be proud of me. But I really don’t know.  I never heard her tell me that. It is so important to encourage your children so that they can have strong spirits. 
     This morning I woke up in a fog after having a dream that I drove off of a cliff. I think my brain is always trying to make sense of my dreams,  but I’m stuck today.
     There was a race downtown,  so the cab driver dropped me off and I had to walk through runners to get to my destination.  I cheered them on. They didn’t seem to look very excited. That may just be the run junkie in me.
     I probably just need to rest today. All I can think about is what I need to get started or finish. I’m trying to stay positive so that I don’t let the unknown overwhelm me.
     Yesterday I made it to the gym and I had a lot of fun. Then I didn’t want to wait for the bus so I walked home. It was nice to literally stop and smell the flowers. I stopped by a little sandwich shop and the cashier was so nice and positive. I think he flirted a little but I don’t know. I’m going to just chalk it up as he was being nice.  I told him that he had a really positive attitude. 
     I hope that you have a blessed day.
Namaste

Filled With His Light

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“And this is the message[the message of promise] which we have heard from Him and now are reporting to you: God is Light, and there is no darkness in Him at all[no, not in any way]. [So] if we say we are partakers together and enjoy fellowship with Him when we live and move and are walking about in darkness, we are [both] speaking falsely and do not live and practice the Truth [which the Gospel presents]”  1 John 1:5-6

What does walking in the light look like to you? To me it looks like someone who treats others with respect and shows kindness to everyone they meet. Sometimes, I just have to break things down to the smallest bit in order to not get overwhelmed. So, I ask myself what is one kind thing I can do for myself today and what is one kind thing I can do for another.

I find that most people who spend time in the dark are depressed or going through a difficult time. Even though it may be easy to join someone on their misery train, it is better to listen and understand and pray because dark days don’t have to last. Also, it is better to give that person encouragement and support so that you don’t fall into your own misery.

I think when people are able to express their pain and darkness, they want understanding and they want support. Otherwise, they would probably keep it to yourself. Most people are not walking around in the “Woe is me” Olympics. One way I stay out of the woe is me path is by focusing on the positive in my life. Most times, the good in my life outweighs the bad. So the more I focus on positive, the more positive situations I find myself in.

I did my first meditation session last night(trying to get on a schedule) and it made me go straight to sleep. I wonder what it is about meditation and sleep. Does the brain automatically turn off and just go to a peaceful place? If that is the case, I bet it could work wonders for kids.

I’m trying to build more productivity into my life. So I found an app to help with internet productivity. I also deleted Twitter from my phone. Now the next step will probably be deleting facebook from my phone as well. I have decided to limit my manual twitter posting to once a day. I also limited the number of tabs I have open at once(I’m a tab queen).

What are some things that you like to do to increase your productivity/time management?

I hope you have a great day 🙂

Namaste

Recognizing Your Value

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     “Now therefore, if you will obey My voice in truth and keep My covenant, then you shall be My own peculiar possession and treasure from among and above all peoples; for all the earth is Mine.” Exodus 19:5 Do you see yourself as a treasure? Where do you get your value from? What does having value look like? If a person does not see themselves as having value, how do they turn it around and view themselves differently?

    A few weeks ago, I saw a post on Facebook that said (paraphrase) “Stop acting as if you are on a clearance rack”. That stuck with me. I love to shop and get a bargain. But when I think about my life and my value, how many times have I acted as if I could be found on a discount rack? As a giveaway? Even though my mind(and my support) told me of my value, I acted as if I had no value. Partly because there was a part of me that believed the lies I had been told that I wasn’t worth anything. 

    So as I spend more time in God’s word, I try to focus on the value and worth that God has assigned to me no matter what my emotions may tell me at the moment. I walk in my worth. I value others and treat them as valuable. I approach every situation with new eyes and perspective, knowing that change is hard but I’m worth it. 

     I approach dating in a manner that says I have value(even when others can’t seem to see it). I truly believe that we are all connected more than we realize. So the things that I do to others, I am also doing to myself. When I am good to myself, I can be good to others. When I respect myself, I show respect for others. 

     When I value myself, I take care of myself. I give myself a break(when I can stop, breathe, and pray). I do small acts that build into a great big show of love for myself and others. When I value myself, I eat food that helps my body and doesn’t hinder it(esp. now that I am not feeling well). When I value myself, I work out because it benefits my whole body. 

     We all have value(even if you don’t have anyone immediately around to show you that). I find that just smiling at someone, not only shows them value but it shows that your value recognizes their value. Just showing kindness to others, shows that you have value. Sometimes we just have to be reminded of how valuable we are. 

     Namaste

Stop, Breathe, Pray

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     Today I stopped and took in each moment. I keep breathing and even took deep breathes when needed. I prayed this morning. These are some of the things that I was able to do in order to listen and learn from the world around me. I read my devotional this morning.

     The devotional used Isaiah 41:10, 13 “Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice…For I the Lord your God hold your right hand; I am the Lord, Who says to you. Fear not; I will help you!. 

     The awesome thing about prayer is that we can do it silently or out loud(it all gets heard). My ultimate prayer is that God’s will be done in my life and that I get out of my own way. I am trying to slow down so that I can learn what I need to learn. This can be a challenge for an impatient person. It is worth it, so I try not to be so hard on myself. 

     Today I still didn’t feel well(I was able to run today so a little better than yesterday). I wish I could figure out what I ate to make myself sick. The up side is that it is making me more mindful of what I do eat. So for breakfast I had pineapple and nuts, for lunch I had a veggie spinach wrap and some sun chips, an apple, and for dinner I had some melon, six cubes of dark chocolate(71% cacao), and ginger tea. 

     I told Thai guy that I needed to pass on dinner(because I would only be having a salad) and he decided to reschedule. I can’t say I don’t know what is going to happen there because I had mentioned to him that I don’t drink. But I just told him that I am in recovery. So this may work. He had mentioned that he wasn’t hot enough for me(then I had to reflect on how much of a jerk I am for giving hot guys a pass and scrutinizing not as hot guys, I hate that I do that).

      A guy that I barely know(friend of friends) asked me for my number(and I tried to let him down gently). Then an old buddy wanted to go running this weekend. I agreed, but then when I could feel how geeked he was, I asked another friend to join us(who probably can’t make it). So, I have all of these opportunities to show kindness to others.

     The other day, I went to see some friends in recovery and one of my old-timer friends gave me a huge lecture. I felt bad about it. I talked to my sponsor. She told me not to get complacent in my recovery. So I have to put time in my schedule for meetings. I feel like when I didn’t have a lot of responsibilities it was easy for me to be all consumed with my recovery. Now I’m busy and some days I’m just trying to breathe to keep my head above water. 

     I placed a hold on a bunch of Black Feminist writings at the library and I was able to pick them up today. I am reading poems by Gwendolyn Brooks and she sure is powerful. What an inspiration and reflection of life. So I look forward to learning a lot and expanding my knowledge base. 

     Sometimes I have to just stop and sit in my gratitude. I am thankful for all of my blessings and all of the great people that I have in my life. I am learning to be grateful for my lessons. I know that I am not perfect but it is nice to know that I am trying to make progress. It also doesn’t hurt that the weather is getting better. I think the sun makes everything better. 

Here’s to life and gratitude 🙂

Shalom

All The Christian Ladies Aka Dating As A Christian Single, Not For The Faint Of Heart

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     So today the Thai guy mentioned that he was going to an art museum. I thought that sounded like fun. He invited me to join him. I jet to the museum to find him dressed so casually(not business casual). I was glad that I was dressed ok. We talked as we went from exhibit to exhibit(I am sure I was the loudest person in the whole place, or it just felt like I was). 

     At the end of our meet up, he took me to a store(to grab some food because I was starving). I bought some dark chocolate(71% cacao). Someone had taken one of my apples earlier in the day(because I didn’t eat it fast enough) so I had only had some nuts and a medium granny smith apple. 

     We bonded over his extensive playlists(I am a sucker for a music fan). It was fun. I was in a good mood. I think I had asked him at some point if he went to church. He mentioned that he didn’t(Christian girl problem #1). He asked me if I still wanted to go to dinner tomorrow and I said  yes because I had had a nice time. 

     Well, I hash out the details with three of my closest Christian supports. They reminded me of what my purpose was in dating. I am not dating just to date. I am dating in order to find a future mate. So, there is no point to date someone who does not share my same beliefs(no matter how hot he is). See that’s where I get in trouble(Christian girl problem #2). I have no problem glossing over important stuff if the guy is my type. That is so shallow of me. 

     I mentioned today that it seems like Christian girls are mandated to seek strong believers while Christian guys just date whoever they feel like dating. So usually when a Christian girl is dating a non believer, it is usually because she has to settle because Christian guys aren’t asking her out(Christian girl problem #3). 

     So when this nice guy asked me what a devotional was(after I explained I was reading my daily devotional), I explained what it was and then promptly deleted my online dating profiles. I had six men on one site check out my profile(and not message me) and I had one hundred and fifty guys check out my profile, twenty guys messaged me, and two guys asked me out(both non believers). On another site, I had guys let me know that that was not the site for me(with ten messaging me), so I promptly removed myself from that site. 

     Also it is hard when we have these standards and ideals of what we are looking for in a mate and no one who even remotely fits that criteria is actively pursuing us. Then add in shame and guilt from the past making me wonder if a great guy would even want to be with me. To leave a wonderful, mixed up, mess. 

    I also got tired of having to answer the same set of questions twenty times in a row.I don’t understand why guys ask questions when they know they don’t care about the answer. That is not cute. I asked a guy why guys do that and his answer was that they are looking for attention. 

     So call me premature, disillusioned, or what have you but I just needed to give up the ghost and be content with where I am in this moment. In this moment, I am single. I have to draw closer to God and focus on His plan for my life. His plans are greater than any that I could imagine. 

     I have to have faith that when I am meant to be in a relationship God will lead me on that path. So having faith, waiting, and working on myself should be enough to keep me busy until that time comes. 

Here’s to being true to yourself no matter what season you are in. 

Shalom

     

When God Shuts A Door Or A Few

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     Last night I had talked to a few friends about a situation with my boyfriend(lets call him the less than hero). It was decided that I needed to talk to him. So I agreed. I called him(yeah broke a few rules). We had what I thought was a good conversation and had discussed seeing each other the next day. 

I woke up today in a good mood, practiced for church(a song which we did not play), and went on my way. Got to church and each song featured someone playing dueling notes(if I were playing flats others were playing sharps and vice versa). When I hear what that sounds like, it always reminds me of chalk on a chalkboard. So, I was glad that church was finished for the day. I texted the less than hero(good afternoon because he had mentioned he would be sleeping in). 

Two hours later the less than hero texts me back that it is cold(well, yeah and who cares). So as I am out to lunch with a friend, I just know what that means. So I text back that I know and I ask if he is going to stay at home. I also text and ask if he wants to reschedule. The less than hero says that maybe this would be a good idea. So I text back that I was looking forward to seeing him since I had not seen him for two weeks and that I am disappointed. Yeah, I guess it was silly to be disappointed because today would have been our two month anniversary(apparently that is a big deal to no one outside of my head). I was ticked off because I had not seen him and for the fact that I did more than a few things in the cold today. So I then accept that yes, this is the end. 

I texted a couple of others. I decided that I would jump back into the saddle. I talked to a few people close to me who said that I was doing the right thing or not to throw the baby out with the bath water. I was also told that that is just how men think. All I could see in my head was six months or a year down the road and us being in the same position. Nobody has time for that. I also could see our seeing each other being once a month(not my idea of a good time). 

So I am just going to do me. That’s pretty much all I can do. Then I heard of a few people who had died suddenly(one was a good friend). I cried. I read my devotional. I prayed. I have been thinking a lot. Now my thoughts are just basically that maybe I am not cut out for a relationship. There is no point in doing a ton of stuff for a person and investing in a relationship that isn’t there. 

They say that when God shuts a door, another one opens. I think new doors are opening all of the time, they are just nothing that I would have expected. This is probably for the best. Because God’s ways are higher than my ways and his thoughts are higher than my thoughts. 

I’m not completely giving up on relationships. I just know that I can’t rush after one. Also, actions do speak louder than words. I was just accepting the actions and trying to look on the bright side. But there is no point in being in a one sided relationship. So I figure if I pour my whole self into God, if He does have someone out there for me, He will work it out. No matter how impatient, mad, or sad I am. God knows what I need even before I ask. 

Shalom

Inviting God In

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     So over the past few days, I have heard a lot of people talk about inviting God in to our lives. Sometimes we may think that we have invited God in, but we are only inviting Him into certain areas of our lives(maybe the parts we like or seem good). The parts that we like to talk about(that make us look good). 

     Well, the awesome thing about God is He already knows every part of us. The good and the bad. The pretty and the ugly. The hopeful and the desperate. He knows it all. He loves us for all of our parts. He forgives the broken pieces. 

     So every day and this upcoming new year, I want to mindfully invite God into all areas of my life. I know that I can’t do it without Him and only He can handle all of it. I invite God in when I pray, when I open my body, soul, and spirit to His leading. When I admit that I don’t have the answers. When I lay it all on the line and thank Him for all He has done for me. I invite God in when I pray for my enemies all of the blessings that I want for myself. I invite God in when I think about the consequences of my actions. I invite God in when I love others the way God shows His love for me. I invite God in, when I walk in His light and love. 

Shalom and Blessings 🙂

Psalm 90:2 “Before the mountains were born, before you gave birth to the earth and the world, from beginning to end, you are God. ” NLT