Nov 30, 2010
So, today all of the arguing came to a head. I believe things are over between the two but I don’t know. It’s sad but I would say its for the best. It made me think about the drama I had this summer with my ex. This is another reason why it is so important to get to know a person before you move in together. There were a lot of verbal low blows struck today and my friend felt them all. Sometimes people say hurtful things because they want you to hurt like they hurt but what happens after?
I still(I wish I could underscore that) think about my ex. My go to moments are the fleeting good moments. It is only after I start reminising, that all the bad comes up. Now when I met him, there was no sign on his forehead that said “immature ahole”.
When we were together, I felt like it was total bliss. Until the day he told me that he felt like slapping the poo out of me. That was the day that all of my feelings for him drained out of my system. He knew that I had experienced abuse before, but in that moment, he was upset and frustrated. Everytime I would bring something to his attention, he would say sorry, and then do it again. And everytime he would tell me I love you, I couldn’t believe it because I felt like if you loved someone you would not say or doing things over and over to hurt them. But the question is why would those feelings pop back up? Is that the brain playing a trick?
The big lesson that I learned is that users will only suck you dry and no matter how much you may care for them, it never truly matters unless you are doing what they want.
No one should have to live like that. My ex never put his hands on me in anger but the words were enough. So, when I would have a weak moment, he would listen and then come back with reality like “Oh, I am tired of the emotional roller coaster with you” and my favorite which I can’t even say is the truth because I feel like he said it to hurt me “I slept with someone else”.
How long has it been you ask? Oh four months if you don’t count the moment we were going to get back together which was ruined because I could not afford to give him gas money. So what does that tell you, oh yeah he never really cared about me, it was just about what he could get.
Just in case you wondered, yes I go to therapy 🙂 I just feel like some happy pills would do me wonders but the fact that I have no medical insurance hinders that idea.
I know you are thinking, Hey you seem like a smart person, why don’t you just get over it? Well, I am trying 🙂 I just take things moment by moment. Some moments are better than others 🙂
So lets all breathe deeply woo-sah 🙂
Here’s to life and making good choices along the way 🙂
As for the rest of my day, I have to tutor and go to work. I will be going to yet another job fair tomorrow(fingers and toes crossed).
Nov 29, 2010
Well, I had a great Thanksgiving with my family but when I got back to the place I was staying at, I felt like I was being asked to leave. So I called a friend and packed all of my stuff and left. I was very angry. The new situation is better but there are a lot of people in the house. So, I am just hoping that something opens up on the job front.
I kept up my fitness regime over Turkey week but I have to do my long run today(instead of yesterday).
I am going to try out my new pair of running tights(I’ll let you know).
Well, I hope you all have a great day 🙂
Nov 24, 2010
The car is fixed, now I just have to keep an eye on the oil and water levels. So tomorrow I am driving to see some of my family. I am going to watch the Biggest Loser special tonight(I guess I’m happy to have a few days off work). I will go for a run before.
Hope you all have a great Turkey Day 🙂
Nov 23, 2010
So as I went on my way pounding the pavement, I also walked to the library. Let’s just say the walk was filled with sideways sidewalks and tons of hills. My body had a blast and my head was in the clouds.
I hope to get my car fixed tonight. In the meantime, I am off work this week so I actually get to see Oprah and The Biggest Loser on the same day as everyone else lol.
Hope you are all having a great day 🙂
Nov 21, 2010
Today I did an easy 5 miles. I am glad to be feeling better, so this is a 100% endorsement of the Jeff Galloway run/walk program. For the next endeavor, I think I am going to try the training plan in Marathoning for Mortals.
The person who was supposed to look at my car yesterday had their car break down. So hopefully it happens today. This week I have to hit the job hunt harder than I have been. Other than that, I am just trying to take things one day at a time.
Hope you are having a great day 🙂
Nov 17, 2010
So, as I was driving down the road to get my check in order to run my errands for the day, my check engine light came on. I thought I would be able to make it to the post office. Nope, the starter light started blinking. Then as the light turns green, my car starts smoking, shuts off, and begins to roll back down the hill. OMG. A lady who was behind me tried to divert the traffic and helped me get my car off the main road. The cars did not stop at all(except to stare at me). The cops finally came and pushed my car out of the way. Then the tow truck came. The lady drove me to get my check and took me to the tow place. Well, I was given an ungodly price for fixing. So, I took a taxi home. Then I had to have the tow truck bring my car to the house(because everyone that I talked to today said get a second opinion blah blah blah). What all of these well meaning people do not seem to understand is that I CANNNOT DRIVE MY CAR!!! So how am I supposed to get other opinions?
Then there is the whole, how am I supposed to get the money to buy the parts…
What a day!
The only thought that has been going through my mind for the last few hours is that maybe the half marathon proved that I could totally walk the 6 miles to work… idk
Nov 16, 2010
So, I did an easy three miles today(stretched before and after) and just walked. I felt a lot better. Ran around trying to apply for jobs. Just got home and I am eating Potato, Broccoli, and cheese soup with collard greens yum!
I hope you are all having a great day 🙂