Tag Archives: Online Dating

Anatomy Of A Bad Date/Waving The White Flag

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     I went on a date last night. I had planned to write this post last night, but my mind was spinning and I was too tired. I planned on writing it earlier today but my mind was still spinning and I did a bunch of nothing to avoid writing it. Then something happened when I was just breathing and enjoying a moment, so I had to write this. 

     So, you all know that I had recently started online dating again(yes, I have stopped again I think for good this time). The person that I was going to give another shot to, lets just say his inaction renders him invisible and I am going to act like I am busy if for some reason he does manage to appear this weekend. But this post is not about him. Shocker I know. 

     Ok, here we go. I just took my day vitamins to postpone writing a sentence. Ugh So yesterday morning a guy that I had exchanged numbers with online texted me. No big deal. He mentioned that he had closed his profile after some crazy messages. I replied that was ok because I had deleted mine as well. He said that he wanted to meet me and we should do Starbucks. I agreed. This time I picked a different Starbucks. I was really excited and I thought the universe was saying, see you too can find good dates after you delete your online dating profile. I bought a couple of cute tops. 

     I get to the Starbucks and find a spot to sit down. The guy is across from me standing(like he was about to text me). First major red flag: he didn’t look anything like his profile picture. He approaches me and you know how someone goes in to kiss your cheek? He went in a smelled me. Weird.

     We got in line and when it came time to order the barista asked if the drinks were together and he said they were separate. Red flag number two: Guys should always pay on dates especially if they ask the girl out. As soon as I pulled out my wallet, he told the barista they were together. I thanked him. 

     We walked and talked. Then he asked if I wanted to go and sit down. I agreed. He asked me if I wanted to go to the movies. I said sure. He gave me a hi-five. He mentioned that we had some time before the movie and asked me if I wanted to go somewhere to hang out. I agreed. We went to a public park(it was still daylight out). 

     On the way to the park the guy mentioned that he wasn’t looking for anything serious. I said ok and made a mental note. We briefly chatted about other dates we went on.He had mentioned that there were times where women threw themselves at him on dates.  We went to the park and for some reason the conversation turned to drinking. He asked me if it was harder for me to date sober or when I was drinking. I had mentioned that I no longer drink. I said it was way easier because I had my checklist and I could analyze things quicker. 

     We went to the movies. We sat down and I just went to town on the popcorn. The theater was freezing and since I am naturally cold blooded, I was basically a shivering ice block. He started whispering to me. He asked me something about the kind of shoes I liked(I was wearing flats). I mentioned that I liked all kinds of shoes and asked him if he was into that. He didn’t really answer. Well, at some point he held my hand(which was frozen and stayed super cold). I did not hold his hand back. So finally he let my hand go. I was really into the movie(Spiderman 2). 

     When the movie was over, as I got up to leave, he attempted to put his hand on the small of my back. I moved. When we left the theater, he mentioned that his place was much warmer and invited me over. I said no thank you. So he drove me home. I thanked him for the evening.

     Instead of dropping me off at home, he drove past my place. I already knew the deal. He then proceeded to ask me on a scale of one to ten how attracted I was to him. Super awkward. I bust out in nervous laughter and said that I had never been asked that before and that I would not answer the question. He said that I could be honest. I said that I would not want to ask someone that and I would not want the answer.

     Then I opened the car door. Red flag number fifty-eleven: when someone tries to keep you in their car by locking the doors with the electric lock. He said hey, close the door I want to talk to you. I kept the door open and said we really didn’t have anything else to talk about. He asked me if he was going to call me or if I was going to call him. I told him that I would text him today(which I didn’t). 

     He called me today. He again asked me the scaling question and I did not answer. He then proceeded to tell me that being physical and intimate was very important to him. He said that I did not tell him how I felt yesterday. I told him that yesterday he had pretty much made that clear and that I wasn’t having sex until I was married. I told him that I was on the other end of the spectrum from him.

     He was shocked. He said but I had had sex before. I said yes and that I chose not to again until I was married. I said that I had decided that after I had been married. He was shocked to find out that I had been married before. He mentioned that it sounded like we were not on the same page and I agreed.Then the other bad date guy texted me to ask me out for another date and I said that we didn’t have to. He wished me good luck and I wished the same for him. 

     The reason why I am raising the white flag and basically why I have thrown in the towel is because my time and energy is not worth being wasted on more bad dates. I value myself and my standards and I can wait for someone to want to get to know me and who can respect that. Sure I wanted things to work out with my ex(which you may be tired of hearing about) but I came to the realization that nothing was going to change because he didn’t want anything to change. The only thing he wanted to change was the opportunity to have sex before he shipped off. Nope, not from me. 

     I know it may sound weird that I am so conservative in my beliefs but I have seen it happen and work out for other people. I can’t think that I am the exception. I have to think that I am the rule. Just because someone doesn’t want to respect me by waiting doesn’t mean that I am a bad person, it just means that they are selfish. 

     Just a side note about intuition which I like to call spidey sense, listen to it, use it. It is much easier for me to listen to it being that I am sober. That is one reason why I know that I will be okay even if I continue to stay single. It just means God has a different plan for my life. 

So here’s to healthy relationships and a healthy life. I went for a nice run after that horrible conversation and had a personal dance party. I even gave myself a mani and pedi for graduation this weekend. Now that is something to look forward to. I was so excited because I turned in my last assignment of the semester. I am so excited for the summer to start. Everything is lining up nicely. All I have to do now is prepare for the move, move, and find a job. Thankful that God is a big God and he knows the plans He has for us. 

Thank you again for checking out my little spot in the Internet. I am humbled by everyone who checks it out(even though you may not be led to leave a comment). Also thanks for praying for me and if you aren’t, you can always start 🙂

Shalom

Namaste

     

    

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This Is What Happens When I Try/AKA Online Dating Adventures #1,256,768

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     Hello blog readers and viewers. Sorry I haven’t written anything new in a few days. I have been trying to add some older posts here and there and I also decided to put my hat back into the online dating arena(today is day four). I know many of you already know my thoughts on online dating. I think positively of it, but my results aren’t great. I mentioned my difficulties to a few Christian single organizations and they all advised me to take a break from it(even though I said I have been on and off since 2006, that is eight years of being on or taking a break). I tell my friends of the different things that I experience, but no one seems to believe me(as if I would want to make this stuff up). 

     Sorry if this blog post comes off weird. I have a lot to say and don’t know the best way to format what I am going to say. Ok, so first I was chatting with a few guys when one of them asked me to coffee. I agreed. As soon as we sit down for coffee(tea), the guy starts yawning. I do my best to stay engaged. The conversation doesn’t flow. Then he tells me his worst online dating story(which I then tell to two other people). I could not believe the story was true and I told him if that had happened to me, I would have stopped online dating completely. He mentioned that he had had his profile up for four years. That is when it clicked and I realized that he did not have current pics on his profile. We agreed to end the date. I didn’t feel any chemistry(I think there should be a little at least). He told me that I acted different. I told him that I was just tired. I mean at one point I had to go get water(and have small talk with some of the baristas I know). 

     The next day I have conversations with a few more people. What I realize is that Christian guys are not messaging me(or replying back when I message them). So most of the guys messaging me are agnostic, atheist, or ‘free thinkers’. Here are some of the messages that I receive:

FakeDoc: We should hang out. Was just thinkin of a movie. Relaxin.Me: No thanks

Race Car Wannabe: Hey sexy! You’re gorgeous! Where are you from sexy? What are you dong?Me: No thanks

Rugby player: U look like trouble in a good way lol Me: I wouldn’t say that. How about you? Is that what you’re looking for?RP: Yes. I’m a fun guy Me: That’s cool, What do you like to do for fun?RP: Well, I like to play games. U think u can keep up;) U went quiet.Me: What kind of games? Sorry I went to the gym.RP: Sexy games Me: Oh ok. Well good luck, I have to pass on those. 

Eurodude: Sometimes I’m just looking for a bit of fun Me: Oh ok. I hope you find what you are looking for. ED: What do you think about teasing a guy?Me:?ED: You wouldn’t be too shy to tease a guy who is interesting in your eyes?Me: No ED: You never like to go crazy?Me: Nope ED: Why not?Me: Because I am a Christian

     Earlier in the day when I was working out, a young guy approached me and asked me for my number. I knew he was too young(23) but I gave him my number anyway(big mistake). He called me and said he was calling because he thought I gave him a fake number. He kept asking me what I was doing and I told him laundry(which I was). So he asked me if he was too young for me and I said yes. I told him that he had the whole world ahead of him and I would only slow him down, plus I am sure his Mom would be through the roof(that’s a thought that I like to think). He called me a few more times asking if we could be friends and I said no it wouldn’t be a good idea. 

     Then a guy asked me to go on a jogging date. Of course I agreed. It seemed like it was going well, until he told me his whole life story. He got out of a relationship a few months ago. I figured that there must be something written on my forehead that says “Tell me your problems”. After he dropped me off, he called me. After a friendly chat, he told me that he could not be in a relationship without being intimate. I told him that I totally understood but I was just at a different place in my life right now.

So I mentioned this to a few other guys last night and here is the response I was given:

Freethinker dude: Ah, well. Sorry to waste your time. That wouldn’t work for me, either. You might want to put that in your profile. That’s definitely a deal-breaker for me, and probably a lot of other people as well. For up to like 4-6 dates, general consensus would say that’s expected, but after that if things aren’t happening, I don’t know.I hope you find someone that’s able to respect that, and or have that going for them, too. 🙂 I don’t know that I could have a romantic relationship with someone that’s not interested in sex. I’ll just leave what I have to say at that to be as polite as possible. I hope that how you choose to live your life works out for you. You seem like a lovely woman.

Me: Thanks for your honesty. 

I’d put it under “You should message me…” I’d say something like “In accordance with my faith and beliefs I’m not open to sex before marriage”. I haven’t really had to consider that. I’m sure there’s some way that’ll be easy for you to communicate yet communicate it how you want it said.No worries, you seem like a charming woman. Pragmatically, you have a lovely smile and a great body so I’m sure someone could cope with it. I wouldn’t throw you out of bed for eating crackers. 😛

     Also while I was in the midst of all of this my ex decided to look me up and attempt to pick things up where they had left off(on his terms). At first I thought it was a nice gesture, but now I know that he is just as lazy if not lazier than before. So my attitude is a big ole whatever. 

     So what do you think? If you were in my position, would you continue to put yourself into the madness called online dating? Would you decide to be done with it for good? A friend told me to pray about it and ask God what He wants me to do (which I have). On one site I have had 141 people visit my profile. Maybe 20 of those sent a message. On the other site, 242 people have visited my profile and 32 have messaged me. Also, if you suggest I continue to online date, what would be a good time frame? One person suggested until you meet someone you actually want to spend time with. 

    Some of the messages I received, I just deleted and didn’t even respond to. So that’s what I have been up to. I guess all I can say is keep me in your prayers. 

Shalom

Namaste

 

Sacrifice-Lent Day 14

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Above all, we thank you for your Son Jesus Christ; for the truth of his Word and the example of his life; for his steadfast obedience, by which he overcame temptation; for his dying, through which he overcame death; and for his rising to life again, in which we are raised to the life of your kingdom.Grant us the gift of your Spirit, that we may know him and make him known; and through him, at all times and in all places, may give thanks to you in all things. Amen.(From the Book of Common Prayer)

     It is too awesome to think of the great sacrifice Christ paid for us. It is humbling and amazing at the same time. A debt that we can never repay. What a blessing. How often we take it for granted. So today I am thankful for all of my blessings, like being able to wake up and take sinus medicine, being able to walk and slowly recover. These are true gifts. 

     In other news, I only lasted one week online dating. That is sure to be a new record for me. I was on three sites this time. One secular and two Christian. On the free site, one hundred and forty-eight guys had viewed my profile and maybe fifteen messaged me. I did my best to message back most of the guys who visited my profile. It just clicked that it is silly for me to wait by the computer for guys to message me when I can live my life(and still shake my head in wonder at real guys who don’t give me the time of day). I deleted all three accounts. 

     It cannot be a fluke that I am single. So it just keeps dawning on me that I have to actually start to accept my reality. I am single and there really isn’t a darn thing that I can do about it(especially since I want a guy to pursue). Because don’t get me wrong, I have no problem lassoing a guy but the results aren’t pretty. 

    So if you are out there married or in a relationship, keep praying for all of us singles. Because it sure is hard out here. I can only speak for my own experiences. I have enough stories to fill a room. I also just realized that I have so many friends who have not had half of the experiences that I have had in my life and instead of having their own experiences, they just live vicariously through mine. I think that is sad. So I am going to do my best to stop having so many outlandish experiences. 

   It will be nice to one day be able to say hey I have my own house, I have a dog and a cat, I have a job that I am good at, I am secure. That will be a great story to tell. Instead right now, my big worry is if I am going to pay for a cap and gown to essentially have a stole that I already have. Another big worry is how I am going to make it to August because I just don’t know what its going to look like. 

     So all I can do right now is breathe, pray, and put one foot in front of the other. I think the further I stay out of the future, the better my present seems to go. 

Namaste

Abide-Lent Day 10

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Lord Jesus, in response to your loving invitation may we be brought to our knees, may our hearts open to your loving pruning, and may we be empowered by your love to bear good fruit as we live united with you. Amen.

     This is today’s prayer from the Lent Project(I keep calling it the lenten project). Today’s devotion centered on Christ being the vine. It reminded me of a song we sang in church as kids “He is the vine and we are the branches, His banner over me is love”. It makes such a difference when I read a devotional in the morning compared to when I read it in the evening. It still convicts me the same but I think my days turn out better when I read it first in the morning. 

     After having a discussion about goals and plans, even though I was tired I went to the gym. I think I knew I was going to have to walk to the gym but I went to the bus stop anyway. The bus ran late. I had a full blown conversation with an associate. He mentioned that someone else had died. That’s two people in less than two weeks. We talked about depression and I gave him some references. I feel like I at least have to tell people where they can get help, so I can’t get mad if they don’t take it. 

      So the bus was so late I decided to walk, and then of course it passes me by. I got to the gym, got in two good workouts. I had to laugh when I attempted to do the back extension machine wrong(a nice guy told me how it was supposed to go). Its always good when you can laugh at yourself. Then I walked to the store and went home. I wanted a salad so bad that I made a salad and pasta and ate the salad while the pasta was cooking. I also snacked on peppers and a carrot(it was huge). 

     More adventures in online dating, guys kept asking me what I was up to tonight and I said I was taking it easy. Except for the fifth guy who I told I was going to bed. I am tired. I hope to make up for National Sleep Day tomorrow. I narrowed my search criteria now I’m nervous to message the nice Christian guys. I messaged one and told him it was cool that he made it plain in his profile. 

     I can’t wait to hit the gym tomorrow(and for Zumba). 

Thanks for reading 🙂

Namaste

     

 

Consider The Lilies-Lent Day 9

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Consider the lilies is how the passage of Luke 12:27 begins. To consider the lilies requires taking time to notice the simple, small things that surround us. That requires looking at things outside of ourselves. Knowing that God takes care of these things and shows concern for everything, should bring comfort that He cares for me. 

Today was supposed to be a simple day. I had plans to meet a friend at a meeting and surprise, she did not show. I was bummed because we had made those plans. It just rolled me into a spiral of how I have to stop having expectations then I won’t be let down. I don’t know how introverts process being let down, but being the extrovert that I am, it completely bums me out and it shows. 

I went about my day when a UPS guy tried to flirt with me. He said “We could have had a nice conversation” and I said “Yes, we could have, have a nice day”. I mean what are you supposed to say to that? It made me realize that guys can literally find me anywhere. If or when they want to. Why am I always expected to make a move? I mean, if I give off a vibe that says “Hey I want to be in control”, I hope I can just wash my face and have it be removed. 

So I went to my counseling session and I think it is safe to say I went through a few emotions. Its kind of ironic that we expect our clients to just accept things that we don’t always want to. Basically, I am expected to soar and fly. I know that I can but I just want to roll up into a cozy blanket. Because apparently you can only go to counseling for a long time when it is psychotherapy not brief. 

I came home and checked out a few Boundless resources and podcasts. Whoo, I am doing my best to remain optimistic. I think dating and the dating game just sucks(excuse my language). Online dating isn’t evil. But its not heaven on earth either. Yeah, I know I keep flip flopping on my stance on online dating. I was looking for some holy grail to tell me it was evil and all of my trusted conservative sources approved. 

I am attempting to take it slow. That’s a lot for someone like me. Because really it makes me anxious. I am already the queen of over everything(analyzing, thinking, doing, etc). So I thought if I went in baby steps I would be ok. Well, not exactly. Married dudes have messaged me(defending their behavior), and I haven’t figured out why all the cute guys are atheist. Yes, it really is a jungle out there. I had a conversation with someone about how people present themselves online. It is so horrible and it seems like it is only getting worse(mind you I have been online dating in some form since 2006). 

So no, I know that I don’t have all of the answers. I probably don’t even have half of them. An online friend told me that I was awesome and there weren’t a lot of awesome guys out there. It does make me sad at moments because it is such a game. I know that I don’t play it well and I don’t understand why I have to continue playing it. 

So please keep me in your prayers that I find a great single guy who wants to get to know me and if not pray that I find contentment so that I can stop wanting what I can’t have. God knows my heart and knows the plans He has for my romantic life. I just have to keep trusting him. 

Namaste