Category Archives: blog

Can We Start the Conversation?

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Great insight into how we have meaningful conversations from my friend Scott.

Scott Aldrich

For fifteen years, God has blessed with me with tremendous opportunities to teach our youth, to help mold, inspire, and lead our children to become the innovators, and creators, and leaders of tomorrow. To be confident, to be self-sufficient, to become their best selves. To be good people. It is a job that never stops demanding more of me, never stops challenging me, and never stops rewarding me. Not a day goes by that I don’t question my methods or wish for one more chance to reach this kid or teach something a little better for a struggling learner. But I also lay my head on the pillow many nights, completely spent, yet incredibly fulfilled. Teaching is one of those careers that can consume every fiber of your being if you let it. I may be a teacher, but I am forever a learner, first and foremost. I am still…

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When Social Policy Isn’t A Turn On

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Last night I had a date(why yes it was with someone I met online). My date had asked if I wanted to meet for drinks or dinner and I suggested we meet up for drinks and then take it from there(less pressure). I was excited, we were both looking forward to meeting.

So when I finally meet up(after my Uber driver did not know where to go and I had to walk to the place), I find my date at a table. The restaurant is really nice. I sit down and check out the menu. We exchange pleasantries and then my date spends the rest of our time together talking. Not talking about just anything but talking about social policy.

Now don’t get me wrong, I do love a good social policy discussion but only when it involves how to improve or change existing social policy. My date had some rather interesting(but not surprising) views about social policy. But he didn’t really frame the conversation in a way that would have provided for back and forth banter it was more like insight into just how little people actually think about social policy(even though they are often the ones to implement it).

For instance, my date said that one reason for the ills of the Black community was due to their love of fried chicken(narrator: indeed it is not). So I flipped it back on him and asked him how he would like it if we told his community that we would take away their cultural food ways (narrator: indeed he did not). So let’s just say I drank a lot of water and listened. Until I could not listen any more.

Needless to say, online dating is hard. Dating is hard. But it is what one has to do in order to make an effort to find love.

The date also gave me insight into why a lot of social policy indeed doesn’t work, because those who have the ability to change and improve existing policy seek to change the cultures of the communities that are in need to help instead of actually working to eliminate the real issues that negatively impact these communities aka systemic and institutional racism.

My date also gave me insight into how men set up their online dating profiles. It turns out the reason why many of them choose not to put effort into their profiles is due to the belief that people only care about their pics and that no one indeed reads profiles.

I asked my date if he was indeed looking to date and he mentioned that he was but he also brought up how he approaches it as a kind of networking of sorts. I don;t know what to think about that because on the one hand, it is important to meet different people to find out who you would be a good match with but on the other hand, I don’t want to approach a date with an agenda either. I don’t know, maybe I am a tad basic in that regard.

What is funny about that is most of my interactions with men on online dating sites involves them asking me if I have actually read their profiles(because in weird passive aggressive language written in odd font, they actually tell me what their kinks are and shame on me for not reading the multiple paragraph intros that they curate). This is then followed by me wishing them well. Listen, I have no problem with kinks(they are your business) but if I am not on an explicit kink site, I believe that should be a discussion had in person and/or behind closed doors). Don’t get me wrong, I am a fan of stimulating conversation but stimulating just might be in the eye(or ear) of the beholder.

So here I am attempting to see how long I will be able to swim in the online dating waters this go round. I want to be able to say that I gave it a shot but each attempt seems to end up with the round about same result.

We shall see what is to become of these online dating adventures.

 

 

 

 

 

When Life Gets Lifey

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Hey blog readers,

I know you are probably wondering where I have been and how it is super weird that I haven’t been blogging even though I was supposed to blog through November. I know, I was wondering too. I always have the best intentions to take time to blog and then time passes and I go to sleep.

Well, a lot has been going on in my world. I had started a new job back in the spring and while I was going through the ups and downs of learning a new job, I was recently terminated. It threw me for a loop because not only is it right before the holidays, but now I have to figure out what my next move is because I will not have a place to stay.

Have  I experienced homelessness before, yes, but the difference was that I was in a place where all of my social capital exists(so things weren’t so bad). Also, it just plain doesn’t feel great. So many people are wondering what my next move will be but I actually don’t have a clue.

As a result, it makes it hard for me to even think about anything else(like all of the coding I have been working on or my paper edits). As I expressed my termination on social media(literally a one line statement), I received a lot of thoughts from friends and associates. A lot of people said that I shouldn’t talk about that kind of thing on social media where employers will find out. I don’t know how I feel about that but I did delete said post. The issue for me is now, when people see my social media, it won’t be completely me because it will only express happy or positive content and moving forward that will probably be sporadic if best(because I can’t post to social media if I don’t have a phone or internet).

I guess I will just have to buckle up and see where this ride called life takes me.

Peace

Close Encounters

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Have you ever had someone come into your life for just a moment but stay in your heart forever?

Once upon a time, I was an awkward girl in Bible college. Bible college was a bubble in every sense of the word but it was just enough for someone just out of high school. It was a lilly pad of sorts.

Well, enter an angel with the bluest eyes and the coolest hair, without much of a care in the world. That angel’s name was Josh and let me tell you. *Whoo*. Takes a moment to collect myself. Josh was definitely an angel because he saw through all of me, deep down to my inmost being, and he wasn’t scared. We came into each other’s lives at a time where everything just made a little more sense. We had great conversations. We shared our hearts. We believed the future was bright.

Although we weren’t in each other’s lives for very long, we both left a mark on the other’s heart and I will always thank God for giving me time with Josh. Even though Josh has passed, his memory will live on forever and I’m grateful that I can hold his joy in my heart.

Beautiful Forever

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What if you could have something that was beautiful forever? A piece of art that would last the test of time?

That is what I think about when I think about tattoos. I don’t actually have any because I am afraid of needles but I do think they are beautiful when done well.The worst thing is when people get tattoos that they regret. Especially when they don’t have the means to get them removed.

I have a lot of friends and family with tattoos. I’ve also dated a lot of guys with tattoos. So here’s to the brave ones who get them.

 

Thick Thoughts On Life

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I had the pleasure of reading an upcoming memoir/collection of essays by Dr. Tressie McMillan Cottom, whose previous work Lower Ed is a great treatise on the state of for profit colleges and how students navigate the various entries into education. The opportunity to read Thick was provided by NetGalley. If you haven’t had a chance to follow Dr. McMillan Cottom on Twitter, I would advise you to do so otherwise, you can find her work in a wide variety of public spaces.

In Thick, Dr. McMillan Cottom guides the reader through the thick lived experience that will resonate with many readers. Her voice is indeed thick like a nice glass of sweet tea that your aunt or grandmother would make with just enough sugar to make you feel like you could definitely have a second glass.

I was hooked by Thick after reading a few pages because the experiences described resonated with me deeply. The further I read, the more I was pushed to affirm myself and my own lived experiences. Each chapter was indeed thick in truth and wisdom.

I cannot wait to purchase a copy of Thick. As I read, I realized that each sentence would stay with me, in fact many sections are written on my heart but I need to have them highlighted just to bring them to memory.

One of the most compelling parts of Thick is how it gives the reader(particularly Black women) not only permission to be who you are unapologetically but it pushes you to not stop, it affirms you to say “Yes, you have been right all along and you have to keep going”.

Thick is not a quick read, rather it is a jolt of electricity to the heart that seeks to let you know that your voice matters no matter what you may face each day. While it touches on the truth that so many Black women have endured since the beginning of time, it does offer a new way of walking into our excellence.

In addition, Thick offers gems for various moods or seasons that you may find yourself in. It caused my deepest emotions to burst forth in a life affirming way. There were sections that made me howl with laughter and there were sections that made me weep in a way that only someone who feels seen can ever reach.

Although Dr. McMillan Cottom is a thinker, I would also put her in a category of preacher due to the life affirming words that she offers forth into the world and the refrain that serves as the hook to this swan song which puts freedom in our hands. The larger takeaway becomes what are you going to do after you fix your feet?

*I did not receive any compensation to offer this book review*

Thoughts About Online Dating

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So I had sworn off online dating in 2018. But once I moved, I started to reconsider. I’m praying about it. I have moments where I’m optimistic but when I think about all of the drama I’ve gone through, the optimism dissipates.

If I do jump in, I plan on being smart about it and being much more discerning. Friends were telling me to be more optimistic but I think it’s important to be realistic. When I say be realistic I mean being realistic about myself. I know I can be a piece of work and I know that I am not everyone’s cup of tea.

I also feel like I’m at an age where I’m not as desperate as I used to be. For the most part I have made peace with what will be.