Tag Archives: Singles

Anatomy Of A Bad Date/Waving The White Flag

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     I went on a date last night. I had planned to write this post last night, but my mind was spinning and I was too tired. I planned on writing it earlier today but my mind was still spinning and I did a bunch of nothing to avoid writing it. Then something happened when I was just breathing and enjoying a moment, so I had to write this. 

     So, you all know that I had recently started online dating again(yes, I have stopped again I think for good this time). The person that I was going to give another shot to, lets just say his inaction renders him invisible and I am going to act like I am busy if for some reason he does manage to appear this weekend. But this post is not about him. Shocker I know. 

     Ok, here we go. I just took my day vitamins to postpone writing a sentence. Ugh So yesterday morning a guy that I had exchanged numbers with online texted me. No big deal. He mentioned that he had closed his profile after some crazy messages. I replied that was ok because I had deleted mine as well. He said that he wanted to meet me and we should do Starbucks. I agreed. This time I picked a different Starbucks. I was really excited and I thought the universe was saying, see you too can find good dates after you delete your online dating profile. I bought a couple of cute tops. 

     I get to the Starbucks and find a spot to sit down. The guy is across from me standing(like he was about to text me). First major red flag: he didn’t look anything like his profile picture. He approaches me and you know how someone goes in to kiss your cheek? He went in a smelled me. Weird.

     We got in line and when it came time to order the barista asked if the drinks were together and he said they were separate. Red flag number two: Guys should always pay on dates especially if they ask the girl out. As soon as I pulled out my wallet, he told the barista they were together. I thanked him. 

     We walked and talked. Then he asked if I wanted to go and sit down. I agreed. He asked me if I wanted to go to the movies. I said sure. He gave me a hi-five. He mentioned that we had some time before the movie and asked me if I wanted to go somewhere to hang out. I agreed. We went to a public park(it was still daylight out). 

     On the way to the park the guy mentioned that he wasn’t looking for anything serious. I said ok and made a mental note. We briefly chatted about other dates we went on.He had mentioned that there were times where women threw themselves at him on dates.  We went to the park and for some reason the conversation turned to drinking. He asked me if it was harder for me to date sober or when I was drinking. I had mentioned that I no longer drink. I said it was way easier because I had my checklist and I could analyze things quicker. 

     We went to the movies. We sat down and I just went to town on the popcorn. The theater was freezing and since I am naturally cold blooded, I was basically a shivering ice block. He started whispering to me. He asked me something about the kind of shoes I liked(I was wearing flats). I mentioned that I liked all kinds of shoes and asked him if he was into that. He didn’t really answer. Well, at some point he held my hand(which was frozen and stayed super cold). I did not hold his hand back. So finally he let my hand go. I was really into the movie(Spiderman 2). 

     When the movie was over, as I got up to leave, he attempted to put his hand on the small of my back. I moved. When we left the theater, he mentioned that his place was much warmer and invited me over. I said no thank you. So he drove me home. I thanked him for the evening.

     Instead of dropping me off at home, he drove past my place. I already knew the deal. He then proceeded to ask me on a scale of one to ten how attracted I was to him. Super awkward. I bust out in nervous laughter and said that I had never been asked that before and that I would not answer the question. He said that I could be honest. I said that I would not want to ask someone that and I would not want the answer.

     Then I opened the car door. Red flag number fifty-eleven: when someone tries to keep you in their car by locking the doors with the electric lock. He said hey, close the door I want to talk to you. I kept the door open and said we really didn’t have anything else to talk about. He asked me if he was going to call me or if I was going to call him. I told him that I would text him today(which I didn’t). 

     He called me today. He again asked me the scaling question and I did not answer. He then proceeded to tell me that being physical and intimate was very important to him. He said that I did not tell him how I felt yesterday. I told him that yesterday he had pretty much made that clear and that I wasn’t having sex until I was married. I told him that I was on the other end of the spectrum from him.

     He was shocked. He said but I had had sex before. I said yes and that I chose not to again until I was married. I said that I had decided that after I had been married. He was shocked to find out that I had been married before. He mentioned that it sounded like we were not on the same page and I agreed.Then the other bad date guy texted me to ask me out for another date and I said that we didn’t have to. He wished me good luck and I wished the same for him. 

     The reason why I am raising the white flag and basically why I have thrown in the towel is because my time and energy is not worth being wasted on more bad dates. I value myself and my standards and I can wait for someone to want to get to know me and who can respect that. Sure I wanted things to work out with my ex(which you may be tired of hearing about) but I came to the realization that nothing was going to change because he didn’t want anything to change. The only thing he wanted to change was the opportunity to have sex before he shipped off. Nope, not from me. 

     I know it may sound weird that I am so conservative in my beliefs but I have seen it happen and work out for other people. I can’t think that I am the exception. I have to think that I am the rule. Just because someone doesn’t want to respect me by waiting doesn’t mean that I am a bad person, it just means that they are selfish. 

     Just a side note about intuition which I like to call spidey sense, listen to it, use it. It is much easier for me to listen to it being that I am sober. That is one reason why I know that I will be okay even if I continue to stay single. It just means God has a different plan for my life. 

So here’s to healthy relationships and a healthy life. I went for a nice run after that horrible conversation and had a personal dance party. I even gave myself a mani and pedi for graduation this weekend. Now that is something to look forward to. I was so excited because I turned in my last assignment of the semester. I am so excited for the summer to start. Everything is lining up nicely. All I have to do now is prepare for the move, move, and find a job. Thankful that God is a big God and he knows the plans He has for us. 

Thank you again for checking out my little spot in the Internet. I am humbled by everyone who checks it out(even though you may not be led to leave a comment). Also thanks for praying for me and if you aren’t, you can always start 🙂

Shalom

Namaste

     

    

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This Is What Happens When I Try/AKA Online Dating Adventures #1,256,768

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     Hello blog readers and viewers. Sorry I haven’t written anything new in a few days. I have been trying to add some older posts here and there and I also decided to put my hat back into the online dating arena(today is day four). I know many of you already know my thoughts on online dating. I think positively of it, but my results aren’t great. I mentioned my difficulties to a few Christian single organizations and they all advised me to take a break from it(even though I said I have been on and off since 2006, that is eight years of being on or taking a break). I tell my friends of the different things that I experience, but no one seems to believe me(as if I would want to make this stuff up). 

     Sorry if this blog post comes off weird. I have a lot to say and don’t know the best way to format what I am going to say. Ok, so first I was chatting with a few guys when one of them asked me to coffee. I agreed. As soon as we sit down for coffee(tea), the guy starts yawning. I do my best to stay engaged. The conversation doesn’t flow. Then he tells me his worst online dating story(which I then tell to two other people). I could not believe the story was true and I told him if that had happened to me, I would have stopped online dating completely. He mentioned that he had had his profile up for four years. That is when it clicked and I realized that he did not have current pics on his profile. We agreed to end the date. I didn’t feel any chemistry(I think there should be a little at least). He told me that I acted different. I told him that I was just tired. I mean at one point I had to go get water(and have small talk with some of the baristas I know). 

     The next day I have conversations with a few more people. What I realize is that Christian guys are not messaging me(or replying back when I message them). So most of the guys messaging me are agnostic, atheist, or ‘free thinkers’. Here are some of the messages that I receive:

FakeDoc: We should hang out. Was just thinkin of a movie. Relaxin.Me: No thanks

Race Car Wannabe: Hey sexy! You’re gorgeous! Where are you from sexy? What are you dong?Me: No thanks

Rugby player: U look like trouble in a good way lol Me: I wouldn’t say that. How about you? Is that what you’re looking for?RP: Yes. I’m a fun guy Me: That’s cool, What do you like to do for fun?RP: Well, I like to play games. U think u can keep up;) U went quiet.Me: What kind of games? Sorry I went to the gym.RP: Sexy games Me: Oh ok. Well good luck, I have to pass on those. 

Eurodude: Sometimes I’m just looking for a bit of fun Me: Oh ok. I hope you find what you are looking for. ED: What do you think about teasing a guy?Me:?ED: You wouldn’t be too shy to tease a guy who is interesting in your eyes?Me: No ED: You never like to go crazy?Me: Nope ED: Why not?Me: Because I am a Christian

     Earlier in the day when I was working out, a young guy approached me and asked me for my number. I knew he was too young(23) but I gave him my number anyway(big mistake). He called me and said he was calling because he thought I gave him a fake number. He kept asking me what I was doing and I told him laundry(which I was). So he asked me if he was too young for me and I said yes. I told him that he had the whole world ahead of him and I would only slow him down, plus I am sure his Mom would be through the roof(that’s a thought that I like to think). He called me a few more times asking if we could be friends and I said no it wouldn’t be a good idea. 

     Then a guy asked me to go on a jogging date. Of course I agreed. It seemed like it was going well, until he told me his whole life story. He got out of a relationship a few months ago. I figured that there must be something written on my forehead that says “Tell me your problems”. After he dropped me off, he called me. After a friendly chat, he told me that he could not be in a relationship without being intimate. I told him that I totally understood but I was just at a different place in my life right now.

So I mentioned this to a few other guys last night and here is the response I was given:

Freethinker dude: Ah, well. Sorry to waste your time. That wouldn’t work for me, either. You might want to put that in your profile. That’s definitely a deal-breaker for me, and probably a lot of other people as well. For up to like 4-6 dates, general consensus would say that’s expected, but after that if things aren’t happening, I don’t know.I hope you find someone that’s able to respect that, and or have that going for them, too. 🙂 I don’t know that I could have a romantic relationship with someone that’s not interested in sex. I’ll just leave what I have to say at that to be as polite as possible. I hope that how you choose to live your life works out for you. You seem like a lovely woman.

Me: Thanks for your honesty. 

I’d put it under “You should message me…” I’d say something like “In accordance with my faith and beliefs I’m not open to sex before marriage”. I haven’t really had to consider that. I’m sure there’s some way that’ll be easy for you to communicate yet communicate it how you want it said.No worries, you seem like a charming woman. Pragmatically, you have a lovely smile and a great body so I’m sure someone could cope with it. I wouldn’t throw you out of bed for eating crackers. 😛

     Also while I was in the midst of all of this my ex decided to look me up and attempt to pick things up where they had left off(on his terms). At first I thought it was a nice gesture, but now I know that he is just as lazy if not lazier than before. So my attitude is a big ole whatever. 

     So what do you think? If you were in my position, would you continue to put yourself into the madness called online dating? Would you decide to be done with it for good? A friend told me to pray about it and ask God what He wants me to do (which I have). On one site I have had 141 people visit my profile. Maybe 20 of those sent a message. On the other site, 242 people have visited my profile and 32 have messaged me. Also, if you suggest I continue to online date, what would be a good time frame? One person suggested until you meet someone you actually want to spend time with. 

    Some of the messages I received, I just deleted and didn’t even respond to. So that’s what I have been up to. I guess all I can say is keep me in your prayers. 

Shalom

Namaste

 

Draw Near Lent Day 36

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God of love, whose compassion never fails; we bring before thee the troubles and perils of people and nations, the sighing of prisoners and captives, the sorrows of the bereaved, the necessities of strangers, the helplessness of the weak, the despondency of the weary the failing powers of the aged. O Lord, draw near to each; for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord.
(Anselm, 1033-1109)

     What an amazing prayer. It covers all the areas of those in need of God’s guidance and love. It is nice to be able to take a moment out of the day and pray for someone. Praying for someone else always helps me put my problems into perspective. When I remember that God is love, it only makes me want to love others more. When God draws near to me, I have the opportunity to be seen as He sees me, not as my pain would see me. 

     Today was a pretty good day. I ate a little more than my share of birthday cake(it was pretty tasty). I ran into a good friend and I went to a meeting. I worked out. I think I had some plans to work on something but I forgot. On the way to run some errands, as I was minding my own business walking down the street a guy approached me in his car. He said that I had caught his attention so he doubled back in traffic to let me know. I said thank you and kept walking. He then approached me again telling me how beautiful I was. I again said thank you and kept walking. I was flattered but I do my best not to entertain people I don’t know. I am not sure if this is my week to be creeped out by guys or if its because the weather is changing. 

     I figured out that I can pull the blankets over my head, so I will be sleeping much better. I am really excited about that. As much as I act like I don’t need to sleep, I actually enjoy sleeping. So small steps to better sleep. 

Here’s to a better tomorrow 🙂

Namaste

Keep Me Lent Day 35

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By me, O my Savior, stand
In sore temptation’s hour;
Save me with thine outstretched hand,
And show forth all thy power;
Oh, be mindful of thy word,
Thy all-sufficient grace bestow;
Keep me, keep me, gracious Lord,
And never let me go.
Give me, Lord, a holy fear,
And fix it in my heart,
That I may from evil near
With timely care depart.
Sin be more than hell abhorred
Till thou destroy the tyrant foe.
(Charles Wesley)

     Today I literally did not want to get out of bed. I stayed up past my bedtime per the usual and dearly paid for it this morning. I got ready and ate breakfast. I was good until the bus now has to go past my stop so I have to walk backwards. Not an issue when I am early but an annoyance when I am running late. 

     Of course we had Krispie Kremes today so there went my food choices. Ugh, I hate that I do that. I tried to make up for it in lunch/dinner. I worked out. I put some laundry away(almost done). I did drink a lot of water today. 

     Well, this guy who I barely know hit me up today and was desperate to hang out(offering to take me to run my errands), I declined. We had a conversation and I let him know that he really needed to think about getting a sponsor and that I don’t roll with people who are new in recovery. Yeah, I know relationships seem like the be all and end all when we are new in recovery, but since I’m not so new anymore, I have no excuses. I meet a lot of people who think they know everything without listening or even reading the Book. I mean I know that I act like I know everything but in my defense I listen and I read a lot(not so much this week but usually). Also he gave me a creepy vibe when he said that he sees me all the time and he was trying to pin down my locations(thanks but no thanks). 

     The good thing is that these introductions are firming up my standards(they are getting iron clad). The down side is I haven’t met someone who is interested in me who actually fits the bill. I know I’m super busy so I am not stressing about it. Its just really making me think back about all of the nonsense that I did put up with in the past. You know people always say that you can’t ask for what you aren’t bringing to the table. So on that note, I know I need to take a few seats. I like to think of myself as a work in progress. 

     Be blessed!

Namaste

Keep Me Lent Day 35

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By me, O my Savior, stand
In sore temptation’s hour;
Save me with thine outstretched hand,
And show forth all thy power;
Oh, be mindful of thy word,
Thy all-sufficient grace bestow;
Keep me, keep me, gracious Lord,
And never let me go.
Give me, Lord, a holy fear,
And fix it in my heart,
That I may from evil near
With timely care depart.
Sin be more than hell abhorred
Till thou destroy the tyrant foe.
(Charles Wesley)

     Today I literally did not want to get out of bed. I stayed up past my bedtime per the usual and dearly paid for it this morning. I got ready and ate breakfast. I was good until the bus now has to go past my stop so I have to walk backwards. Not an issue when I am early but an annoyance when I am running late. 

     Of course we had Krispie Kremes today so there went my food choices. Ugh, I hate that I do that. I tried to make up for it in lunch/dinner. I worked out. I put some laundry away(almost done). I did drink a lot of water today. 

     Well, this guy who I barely know hit me up today and was desperate to hang out(offering to take me to run my errands), I declined. We had a conversation and I let him know that he really needed to think about getting a sponsor and that I don’t roll with people who are new in recovery. Yeah, I know relationships seem like the be all and end all when we are new in recovery, but since I’m not so new anymore, I have no excuses. I meet a lot of people who think they know everything without listening or even reading the Book. I mean I know that I act like I know everything but in my defense I listen and I read a lot(not so much this week but usually). Also he gave me a creepy vibe when he said that he sees me all the time and he was trying to pin down my locations(thanks but no thanks). 

     The good thing is that these introductions are firming up my standards(they are getting iron clad). The down side is I haven’t met someone who is interested in me who actually fits the bill. I know I’m super busy so I am not stressing about it. Its just really making me think back about all of the nonsense that I did put up with in the past. You know people always say that you can’t ask for what you aren’t bringing to the table. So on that note, I know I need to take a few seats. I like to think of myself as a work in progress. 

     Be blessed!

Namaste

More of You Lent Day 34

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Jesus, without you we will surely perish.
Tell us again about the love of the Father,
that sent you from so far, so near.
Becoming small, rewinding to the beginning,
We want to be raised again by you
our parent and maker.
This second time the serpents won’t come among us. 
We won’t be plagued
by the fear of death or the terror of judgment.
Jesus, tell us again about life everlasting,

walking with you in the cool of the evening.

Amen.

     Every day spent walking closer to God is a good day. Even for a small moment, I can put everything that is on my mind to the side. I am able to get a glimpse of what God has in store and it blows my mind. I am so humbled at the small glimpses of goodness in my life. Yesterday I had the opportunity to literally see changes in the weather(and feel them). It went from overcast to dark grey and no sun to hail and pouring rain. Only to dry up and have the sun peek out a bit later. 

     So I decided to dye my hair again(because my roots were totally showing lol). So now its two uniform colors haha. I just realized the first time I got my hair dyed was in eighth grade(trying to be like Mariah Carey lol). I also think what did the trick this time was using two bottles of dye. I think my hair is a lot happier darker(it seems fuller and bouncier). A few people asked me if the brown would come back but I really don’t know. 

     A dude tried to get at me at a meeting. I was flattered but what could I say to someone with a full grill? I mean, if you are not a known rapper/entertainer I’m not sure why you would have one. Plus, didn’t they go out of style after Paul Wall? I don’t know. I wished him the best. So, I can’t say that people don’t notice me, its just that the ones who actually meet my standards are rare. 

     I managed to get some more laundry put away and knock out some class work. I need to spend more time doing yoga. 

Be blessed!

Namaste

     

The Non Relationship-a request

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     Urban dictionary defines a non relationship as “The grey area in between taking the plunge into a committed relationship and platonic friendship. Often due to indecision on the part of one or more parties involved. Symptoms might include, holding hands, non-committal sex, spending an inordinate amount of time together, flirting on text messages.’Sam and Jane have been having this non-relationship for months now, they need to decide whether or not they are going out or not.'”

     I had a conversation today with a friend who had to break off a non relationship. As I listened and absorbed the concept, my first link was oh a non relationship is a one night stand. It is something involving two people that means absolutely nothing and one of the two people attempts to define the undefinable. 

     I have tons of experience with non relationships although, I am not presently involved in one thank God. For me a non relationship always involves my giving and hopes and dreams while the other person only takes. A non relationship is a negative in the life of the person who is attempting to have it be defined. A non relationship always helps the one who is not defining it move into a real relationship when they decide to because they want to be in a relationship with someone else. 

     If you wrap yourself up into a non relationship for too long, you start to think that they are normal and that you are too busy to be in a mutually beneficial relationship because all of your time and energy are being consumed by this nothingness of your own creation. Sadly this is also what happens when you have a crush on a person and you do not do anything to let the person know or attempt to see if you can build a relationship or friendship or just talk to the person. 

     Non relationships are a total waste of time but I am sure they serve as some sort of comfort buffer for the person who is creating them. If you are in the middle of one, please give it a short amount of time and move on, for your own good. Non relationships only seem to work out in the movies(i.e. She’s All That). So having hope that your non relationship is going to pan out only puts you in the exception category when you need to be in the rule category. 

     If a guy has no problem with you building a non relationship with him, please know that you are only building up his ego and you could be doing so much more with your time and energy. I don’t really have any cute or funny stories to add to this idea because all of my non relationships reek of sadness and desperation. In my defense, I wasn’t ever really good at keeping my non relationships secret, so the guys always knew. Then when I was rejected, I politely got over them. Now I think that I am a pro at crush rejection, but that is probably a post for another day. 

Take it from me, non relationships are a waste of time and I can think of a million things you would be better off doing. 

Namaste