Tag Archives: Dating

Sacrifice-Lent Day 14

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Above all, we thank you for your Son Jesus Christ; for the truth of his Word and the example of his life; for his steadfast obedience, by which he overcame temptation; for his dying, through which he overcame death; and for his rising to life again, in which we are raised to the life of your kingdom.Grant us the gift of your Spirit, that we may know him and make him known; and through him, at all times and in all places, may give thanks to you in all things. Amen.(From the Book of Common Prayer)

     It is too awesome to think of the great sacrifice Christ paid for us. It is humbling and amazing at the same time. A debt that we can never repay. What a blessing. How often we take it for granted. So today I am thankful for all of my blessings, like being able to wake up and take sinus medicine, being able to walk and slowly recover. These are true gifts. 

     In other news, I only lasted one week online dating. That is sure to be a new record for me. I was on three sites this time. One secular and two Christian. On the free site, one hundred and forty-eight guys had viewed my profile and maybe fifteen messaged me. I did my best to message back most of the guys who visited my profile. It just clicked that it is silly for me to wait by the computer for guys to message me when I can live my life(and still shake my head in wonder at real guys who don’t give me the time of day). I deleted all three accounts. 

     It cannot be a fluke that I am single. So it just keeps dawning on me that I have to actually start to accept my reality. I am single and there really isn’t a darn thing that I can do about it(especially since I want a guy to pursue). Because don’t get me wrong, I have no problem lassoing a guy but the results aren’t pretty. 

    So if you are out there married or in a relationship, keep praying for all of us singles. Because it sure is hard out here. I can only speak for my own experiences. I have enough stories to fill a room. I also just realized that I have so many friends who have not had half of the experiences that I have had in my life and instead of having their own experiences, they just live vicariously through mine. I think that is sad. So I am going to do my best to stop having so many outlandish experiences. 

   It will be nice to one day be able to say hey I have my own house, I have a dog and a cat, I have a job that I am good at, I am secure. That will be a great story to tell. Instead right now, my big worry is if I am going to pay for a cap and gown to essentially have a stole that I already have. Another big worry is how I am going to make it to August because I just don’t know what its going to look like. 

     So all I can do right now is breathe, pray, and put one foot in front of the other. I think the further I stay out of the future, the better my present seems to go. 

Namaste

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Consider The Lilies-Lent Day 9

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Consider the lilies is how the passage of Luke 12:27 begins. To consider the lilies requires taking time to notice the simple, small things that surround us. That requires looking at things outside of ourselves. Knowing that God takes care of these things and shows concern for everything, should bring comfort that He cares for me. 

Today was supposed to be a simple day. I had plans to meet a friend at a meeting and surprise, she did not show. I was bummed because we had made those plans. It just rolled me into a spiral of how I have to stop having expectations then I won’t be let down. I don’t know how introverts process being let down, but being the extrovert that I am, it completely bums me out and it shows. 

I went about my day when a UPS guy tried to flirt with me. He said “We could have had a nice conversation” and I said “Yes, we could have, have a nice day”. I mean what are you supposed to say to that? It made me realize that guys can literally find me anywhere. If or when they want to. Why am I always expected to make a move? I mean, if I give off a vibe that says “Hey I want to be in control”, I hope I can just wash my face and have it be removed. 

So I went to my counseling session and I think it is safe to say I went through a few emotions. Its kind of ironic that we expect our clients to just accept things that we don’t always want to. Basically, I am expected to soar and fly. I know that I can but I just want to roll up into a cozy blanket. Because apparently you can only go to counseling for a long time when it is psychotherapy not brief. 

I came home and checked out a few Boundless resources and podcasts. Whoo, I am doing my best to remain optimistic. I think dating and the dating game just sucks(excuse my language). Online dating isn’t evil. But its not heaven on earth either. Yeah, I know I keep flip flopping on my stance on online dating. I was looking for some holy grail to tell me it was evil and all of my trusted conservative sources approved. 

I am attempting to take it slow. That’s a lot for someone like me. Because really it makes me anxious. I am already the queen of over everything(analyzing, thinking, doing, etc). So I thought if I went in baby steps I would be ok. Well, not exactly. Married dudes have messaged me(defending their behavior), and I haven’t figured out why all the cute guys are atheist. Yes, it really is a jungle out there. I had a conversation with someone about how people present themselves online. It is so horrible and it seems like it is only getting worse(mind you I have been online dating in some form since 2006). 

So no, I know that I don’t have all of the answers. I probably don’t even have half of them. An online friend told me that I was awesome and there weren’t a lot of awesome guys out there. It does make me sad at moments because it is such a game. I know that I don’t play it well and I don’t understand why I have to continue playing it. 

So please keep me in your prayers that I find a great single guy who wants to get to know me and if not pray that I find contentment so that I can stop wanting what I can’t have. God knows my heart and knows the plans He has for my romantic life. I just have to keep trusting him. 

Namaste

All The Christian Ladies Aka Dating As A Christian Single, Not For The Faint Of Heart

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     So today the Thai guy mentioned that he was going to an art museum. I thought that sounded like fun. He invited me to join him. I jet to the museum to find him dressed so casually(not business casual). I was glad that I was dressed ok. We talked as we went from exhibit to exhibit(I am sure I was the loudest person in the whole place, or it just felt like I was). 

     At the end of our meet up, he took me to a store(to grab some food because I was starving). I bought some dark chocolate(71% cacao). Someone had taken one of my apples earlier in the day(because I didn’t eat it fast enough) so I had only had some nuts and a medium granny smith apple. 

     We bonded over his extensive playlists(I am a sucker for a music fan). It was fun. I was in a good mood. I think I had asked him at some point if he went to church. He mentioned that he didn’t(Christian girl problem #1). He asked me if I still wanted to go to dinner tomorrow and I said  yes because I had had a nice time. 

     Well, I hash out the details with three of my closest Christian supports. They reminded me of what my purpose was in dating. I am not dating just to date. I am dating in order to find a future mate. So, there is no point to date someone who does not share my same beliefs(no matter how hot he is). See that’s where I get in trouble(Christian girl problem #2). I have no problem glossing over important stuff if the guy is my type. That is so shallow of me. 

     I mentioned today that it seems like Christian girls are mandated to seek strong believers while Christian guys just date whoever they feel like dating. So usually when a Christian girl is dating a non believer, it is usually because she has to settle because Christian guys aren’t asking her out(Christian girl problem #3). 

     So when this nice guy asked me what a devotional was(after I explained I was reading my daily devotional), I explained what it was and then promptly deleted my online dating profiles. I had six men on one site check out my profile(and not message me) and I had one hundred and fifty guys check out my profile, twenty guys messaged me, and two guys asked me out(both non believers). On another site, I had guys let me know that that was not the site for me(with ten messaging me), so I promptly removed myself from that site. 

     Also it is hard when we have these standards and ideals of what we are looking for in a mate and no one who even remotely fits that criteria is actively pursuing us. Then add in shame and guilt from the past making me wonder if a great guy would even want to be with me. To leave a wonderful, mixed up, mess. 

    I also got tired of having to answer the same set of questions twenty times in a row.I don’t understand why guys ask questions when they know they don’t care about the answer. That is not cute. I asked a guy why guys do that and his answer was that they are looking for attention. 

     So call me premature, disillusioned, or what have you but I just needed to give up the ghost and be content with where I am in this moment. In this moment, I am single. I have to draw closer to God and focus on His plan for my life. His plans are greater than any that I could imagine. 

     I have to have faith that when I am meant to be in a relationship God will lead me on that path. So having faith, waiting, and working on myself should be enough to keep me busy until that time comes. 

Here’s to being true to yourself no matter what season you are in. 

Shalom

     

What About Your Friends Aka Nobody Puts Baby In A Corner

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     Well, I just wanted to report back on the result of my “Hey I’m awesome, live it out” day. Everything seemed to be going well until I spoke to the guy who I hung out with the other day. Apparently hanging out is different from a date(no matter how long the length of hanging out). You know I don’t pull any punches(no matter who it is except for my sister).

     So I asked the guy if he wanted to hang out again. He said yes, as friends. Of course my head just rang because my thought was “I cannot believe you just put me in the friend zone”. He said that being friends was the best way to get to know someone. Of course I had to agree. So pretty much the universe is conspiring to teach me lessons of utter consciousness raising. Which in theory I agree with but in reality I hate.

     I love how everyone in my life is totally agreement with friend zone guy. It is uncanny. That leads me to believe, that I will attempt to put every guy I meet into the friend zone(no matter how hot I may think he is at the time) until he proves otherwise. This way, not a ton of feelings are hurt and both parties can leave having been respected in the whole process. I have another friend hang out with a different guy on Wednesday(at one of my favorite little Thai spots). So of course, I can’t wait to tell you all about it.

What say you? Is it good to friend zone people off the bat?

Shalom

Why I Quit Online Dating

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     This was not my first rodeo with online dating. I have been online dating on and off since *drumroll* 2006. Yep, that is a long time. I have tried all of the sites, OkCupid, Plenty Of Fish, Match.com, Eharmony, Christian Mingle, Marry Well just to name a few. Yes, there seem to be a ton of people on online dating sites, but if you look long enough(or just for a few hours) you will find that most people just have old profiles. I am too impatient to leave a profile up unattended. 

     So in my mode of “I’ll show him”, I went back to OkCupid and who welcomed me back? His profile and all of the others who had not left and in fact wondered where I had went. They did not welcome me back to ask me out or to get to know me. They welcomed me back just to see my profile. I actually made a pretty nice profile(if I do say so myself). When I say they were still there, I mean the creeps were still there too being creepy. The nice guys were still there too being timid. The really hot guys were still there too ignoring me. One guy told me that he would not even consider asking me out because I am pro-choice(whew, I dodged a bullet). 

     So I decided that I would be done with online dating once and for all. I know that if God has it in His plan for me to meet someone, He will work out the details. Does this mean I’m not dating? No, this just means that I am not online dating. This leaves me time and energy to focus on things that I need to do in my life(like laundry, and finish school, and read). This also gives me time to draw closer to God(because life is never ruined when we run closer to faith). 

     As I reflected on my actions and reactions to what happened over the past few days, I realized that I was feeling sadder about this quasi relationship than the one I had with my ex(due to expectations and hope). Since I have an awesome extended crew around me, my down feelings did not get to last for long. I know that I have a lot of good qualities and the right guy will be blessed by them. Until then, I just have to be my own valentine 🙂

Shalom

TheSW30(21) Pitch Your Reality Show

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     Oh my goodness! I already think my life is a reality show. I just need the cameras and a network to cut me a check lol. It would be awesome if it were on the OWN network, but I would probably be ok with any network. The title of the show could be “Jewel’s Outrageous Life” because it really is truly outrageous(yeah I think I’m Jem). 

     Well, I think the show would be hilarious because I literally have to laugh out loud at myself every day. I don’t know what the theme song would be though. All of my go to items could be sponsors like T-Mobile, Gain, Brooks, and the library. Each day would be funnier than the day before because I cannot make up the stuff that happens in my life. 

     For instance, I *cough* rejoined the online dating world LOL. This is my fourth time in the past year or so. You would get to see such gems like “Hey! Are you real?” to the local favorite “Do you like to party?”. Haha! I told the first person, yes I am real. The second person I proudly told no. Now if you would have talked to me a few years ago, I would have said “Heck yeah”. Oh the joys of online dating. Where do I possibly start. Two different guys showed promise(out of thirty which has now increased to fifty). One seemed so similarly matched until he attempted to pin me down on “deeper relationship activities” to which I responded “So, are you cool with waiting?” and his response was basically “You repulse me and how dare you not let me indulge in my quest of deeper relationship activities”. This was like after an hour of conversation. Seriously. So I calmly responded with “I hope we both find what we are looking for”. The other guy, I don’t quite know what to say about him. The conversation started off nicely but three hours later I was responding out of lack of sleep. We also had the “deeper relationship” conversation and he said yes, but I am really all about seeing is believing. In the meantime there were also many “hit me up” messages and “When can I see you?” To which I responded “I like to take things slow”. 

    So today, while working on some papers(aka having all of the resources around me and skimming them efficiently),I had the bright idea to check out another popular site. This site is like the other site but on steroids. I had five messages before I had even finished my profile(the same profile from the other site just to see if anyone would notice). The guys on this site are quicker to indicate their interest and also give out their numbers. Which was shocking and intriguing at the same time. I felt like a broken record having to tell people that I was working on papers followed by the classic response “What are they about?”. Oh, my other personal favorite is the person who have listed “seeing someone” or the oh so popular “not looking for anything serious”. Can someone tell me why they would waste their time on a dating site? You know I had to ask. You know I did. So, one guy with no picture(who said I could check out his facebook which I did not look at) said that he did not have a picture up out of respect for the person he just got out of a relationship with(in case her friends saw his pic and told her), he did not want her to feel bad. It took me three re-dos to not go into my mode. So I just told him that he needed space and wished him luck. 

     One interesting question that I have gotten is “Why are you single” to which I respond with “Guys don’t really want a person of substance who has standards”. No one had a good comeback for that. I asked a few friends how long I should give it. Since I usually only last three days. I guess I can shoot for a month or so. I cannot make this stuff up folks. It is pure comedy. 

Hang on for the ride 🙂

The SW30(11) Your worst/funniest/embarrassing date

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Oh wow! I have been on some doozies of dates. It may be hard to limit these moments.My worst date that I can recall was with a guy who talked a pretty good game.
We went to Applebees one night. The guy was trying to look good for the bartender and he ordered a huge shot of wild turkey. Now for those of you who don’t know, Wild Turkey is truly a grown folks drink. It may go down smooth but once it is in you, it has its way with you.
So he drank his shot. I just smiled and drank my lemonade. We continued to eat for a bit. Then the guy decided he wanted to leave. When we got in the car and started driving down the road, the guy started violently throwing up(so literally he was throwing up down the street as we drove). I felt bad for him but I just didn’t want him to throw up in the car.
Let’s just say the guy skipped on the Wild Turkey after that.
My most funniest date was when a guy invited me to lunch. We had been talking for a few weeks and decided to meet up. When we got to the restaurant, the guy mentioned he was a picky eater. I thought that was weird.
So when our food came, the guy rearranged the food on his plate so the items of food didn’t touch each other. Then he ate each item of food one by one(corn first, then lima beans, followed by the potato, and ate his steak last). I had to keep eating to avoid laughing. I mean I am sure my eating habits are a little quirky but this really made me laugh.
My most embarrassing date that I can remember was when I met a guy out(I was with my friends and he was with his). We all decided to go to another place to hang out. Well, the guy had a drink called the Four Horsemen(it is brutal). He got so wasted that his friends thought it would be a good idea if I drove him to the next spot. I did and boy did I pay for it. The next spot was smaller than a dive. The poor guys friends decided that he needed to drink off his drink with yep more drinks. The guy didn’t look too good. So his friends gave me some money to take him to get some food and drive him home.
I see that many of my terrible dates involved drinking. Thank goodness for growing up.
If you added it all up I have probably been on enough bad dates for a lifetime. I could probably go on and on but I won’t. I can only hope that I have better dates in the future 🙂