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     The Bible speaks to us over and over about forgiveness. It also gives us numerous examples of forgiveness in action.When we open our hearts to forgive,  the more grace is given to us.
     Not only am I called to forgive others, but I also have to forgive myself. As much as I like to think I am, I’m not perfect.  Sometimes I jump the gun and when I think I’m right, I hold onto my rightness with a tight grip. It doesn’t take much to forgive, just a little bit of taking down pride and ego.
     Yesterday someone that I had started to care about did just that. I had tried a few times to let him know my plans and that I usually don’t give people second chances. He apologized to me. He told me that he admires how I stick to my guns.  Now I know it took a lot. He told me how he felt and he can’t wait to see me again.  I’m excited to see him too. So we shall see how God continues to lead.
     Today I am attending a women’s conference at church.  I always love gathering to grow in the word. It looks like it is going to be a jam packed day filled with fun and faith.
       I hope that you have a blessed day!

I Hope You Find What You’re Looking For


     Today has been an interesting day. My allergies decided to flare up. I’m ready for a nap.
     I cleaned up my online dating profiles because I realized people were not reading them. I thought it would simplify things a bit. Then I found out that it didn’t.  I told the ex that he wasn’t going to change(most people don’t) and since we are really looking for different things, its best that we stop while we are ahead. 
     I also found myself telling a few people that I hope they find what they are looking for. I think it’s easier than trying to force something artificial. Dating is hard enough as it is. 
     I’m really excited about the women’s conference at church tomorrow. I always love learning new things. Plus, its always nice to get a new perspective.
     Its May so that means a new Spartan challenge. I like that every exercise involves thirty reps. I plan on adding a yoga sequence to the mix. I may go for a run later.
     I hope that you have a great day. Thanks for reading my little slice of the Internet.

Nourish My Soul


“Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; worship the LORD in the spirit of his holiness” Psalm 29:2

     This morning I woke up extra early actually rested from sleep(thank God) and found out that I was unable to do what I thought I needed to do. So I worked out and flitted about the Internet. I just started dancing around my room. So it was a morning dance party. Which ended up being much needed. 

     This month’s BlogHer theme is nourish. So I hope to stick to it and write about things that nourish me. Music nourishes my soul and so does being close to God through prayer and devotions. Yesterday I had a conversation with some friends about prayer and devotions. My friend said that when we have an issue, we can pray about it for a week(give it over to God) and then see what happens, otherwise we haven’t actually given the problem over to the ultimate problem solver. Light bulb moment for me right there. How many things have I said that I have given to God but really kept tight in my hand. 

     What would happen if instead of complaining, my first reaction was prayer? I mean if situations don’t change, the least I can do is change my attitude toward the situation. Today’s devotion was spot on. It said that as we give ourselves more time with God,we have no time for worry. I can start today. So that is the plan. 

     That means no complaining about online dating. At least for one day to start. The only thing I can focus on is my life and how I am living it. I am either drawing closer to God’s purpose and plan for my life or I am doing some sort of spiral bouncing around what I should be doing. I can be grateful for all of my blessings and each moment that I can be a blessing to someone else. 

     I hope you have a great day and know that prayer changes everything 🙂







     “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.” James 1:2 NLT

     Today I woke up a tad late after staying in bed due to a small drama filled night(which I blogged about). I just decided that I was going to be late, I got ready, I ate breakfast. I made it to the bus. I made my way to my destination filled with interesting messages and an unexpected phone call. 

     I got to where I needed to be. I was rearing to go, when someone dismissed me. Literally and out loud. I could not believe that I had just been dismissed(didn’t expect it), of course it has happened to me before. I stayed calm. I walked away. I found an area that was in my realm of concern and attended to it. 

     I went about my day. I walked to a bus stop and realized I had to go to another. I had to take a new bus and a new route. I was happy to have a good book to read. The bus was a tad scary because the bus kept flying through stops. I thought I was going to miss my stop(the stop I had planned in my head) and I was able to get off closer to my destination. 

     I met some really cool people who also run(we compared mile paces). I had a difficult conversation with someone who I had started to care for. I think he kind of gets it but thinks that I am going to change my mind. One thing about me is I hold on to past actions. I am happy for new actions to replace the old ones, but when they don’t, my go to are the old actions. That may be because I have not had too many occasions where people treated me one way and then treated me differently. It is usually an even keel of if the person is treated me poorly they consistently treat me poorly and if they treated me well, they consistently treat me well. I think that I can only be treated well by new people who have the opportunity to treat me well. 

     I asked all of my trusted in real life friends for their advice regarding online dating and alas no one really wants to tell me what to do. So I have decided to give it a few more months(because I am really about to be super busy and I don’t need anything to get in the way of that). In the meantime, I plan to draw closer to the Lord, because He has a plan for me and it is good. Better than anything that I could think of. 

     I am keeping my head held high because I am sticking to my boundaries and standards. At least I am doing what I am supposed to do and even though so many guys seem to not be able to understand, I’m not giving up on myself or giving in that easily. Even though I have made so many mistakes in the past, God looks beyond my faults and sees me as I really am. So just because some joe schmoe can’t see all of my good qualities, doesn’t mean I have to diminish them. 

     I have an early day tomorrow so I need to act like I am going to bed. Do any of you struggle with getting enough sleep? A friend asked me about my semester coming to a close and I said that I didn’t want to think about it. I am happy that it is happening but it feels like I am going down a roller coaster. I don’t really like a lot of change and a lot of change is coming my way in the next few weeks. I am continuing to give these issues over in prayer. 






Dear Future


Dear Future, 

                     How are you? Are you thinking of me as I think of you? Do you wonder where I am the way I wonder about you? I know that I think about you a lot and I talk about you too. Whenever I smile, I like to think you are smiling too. When I hear something funny, I think that it would make you laugh too. Where are you? Do you pray for me as much as I pray for you? Do you think about things that I would like the way I think about what you would like too?

      Some people tell me that maybe we just passed each other by(like two ships in the night?). I always beg to differ because I am sure I haven’t seen or met you yet. Surely, I would have done all that I could to get to know you and have our relationship bloom. Surely, I would have said yes when you asked me out. I am sure I would have. 

     Oh Future, I have these dreams and plans that involve simple things like getting to know each other and building a relationship together. Am I in your dreams? Sometimes I have moments where you are a faint memory and then other times you are as real to me as my breathing. 

     I’m writing you today to let you know that God will make a way. Even when it doesn’t seem like it. Especially when all you can do is cry and feel sad and alone. Just remember I’m in the same boat and I know it will all be worth it when we do finally meet. I miss you on the days when it would feel so good to have you by my side. I miss you on the days when it is so hard that I just don’t know how God is going to get me through. I’m thinking of you Future and I hope you are thinking of me too. 

     Tonight I had a conversation and my heart started to beat. My palms got a little clammy because I thought I was talking to you. I gasped and remembered that it wasn’t you because I know that you would want me to respect you and myself by honoring God. I knew it wasn’t you when that voice kept trying to get me to change my boundaries, to release them all. I knew it wasn’t you when that voice ignored all of my wishes and desires to please God first. Future, you would be proud of me because I let him go easily. No it was not without tears or a deep welling in my bones. I believe those aches are for you and the heart that I hope to one day call my own. 

     Oh Future, you would have smiled as I told the person who hurt me a tad the truth. Because I know that you would never tell me it was too cold to come see me(seeing as we don’t live in Antarctica). I know that you would find a way or make a way to spend time with me, the same that I would do for you. 

     Future, I am doing my best to be honest with myself because I know that I am not everyone’s cup of tea. I know that I only need to be enough for you and me. So pray for me as I pray for you. Hold on tight to what you know is true. Because one day God will bring us together in only the special way He can. 

    Oh how I can’t wait for that wonderful day, to let you know that you were worth the wait, and the heartache, and the pain. Future, you are worth it all and I cannot wait until I get to tell you these words in person. I know that people are happy when they are in love. When two people who are meant to be together finally join, it makes everything else worth all of the hardship to get to that point. 

     So sweet dreams Future, I hope to see you soon. Only God knows the day or time. I am sure it will be when it is meant to be and not a day sooner. 



Don’t Give Up


     Today is a new day. The sun is shining bright. The birds are singing a little louder. I’m functioning(still waking up). I’m in a really good mood.
     It just dawned on me that everything in life has good and bad mixed in. So even though I have had some wacky online dating adventures,  I have to focus on the positive.  For every patch of what I don’t want, is guiding me closer to what I am looking for.  These experiences are also helping me to grow and be a better person.
     Also,  the more nice people that I’m able to interact with, the less chance I have to make myself believe my ex was a superhero.  I’m a good person and any guy would be lucky to have me even as a friend.  Since I can’t predict the future, the least I can do is stay open for the ride. Sometimes its the small moments that add up to really great ones.
     Let’s just say because of an open mind and heart, I’m able to be open to new joy and possibility.  I’m also able to stand in my faith and show others that I deserve to be treated with respect.  I’m able to hold on to the good and let go of what will hold me back.
     I don’t want to give too much away just yet but boy what a difference a day makes. So I’m in a really good mood today because I have a strong prayer chain(and I’m praying for you too). I am letting positivity bloom in my life. I just have a lot to be grateful for. I know that God can use anyone and anything to achieve His purpose in our lives. All we have to do is be open to it.
Have a great day!

This Is What Happens When I Try/AKA Online Dating Adventures #1,256,768


     Hello blog readers and viewers. Sorry I haven’t written anything new in a few days. I have been trying to add some older posts here and there and I also decided to put my hat back into the online dating arena(today is day four). I know many of you already know my thoughts on online dating. I think positively of it, but my results aren’t great. I mentioned my difficulties to a few Christian single organizations and they all advised me to take a break from it(even though I said I have been on and off since 2006, that is eight years of being on or taking a break). I tell my friends of the different things that I experience, but no one seems to believe me(as if I would want to make this stuff up). 

     Sorry if this blog post comes off weird. I have a lot to say and don’t know the best way to format what I am going to say. Ok, so first I was chatting with a few guys when one of them asked me to coffee. I agreed. As soon as we sit down for coffee(tea), the guy starts yawning. I do my best to stay engaged. The conversation doesn’t flow. Then he tells me his worst online dating story(which I then tell to two other people). I could not believe the story was true and I told him if that had happened to me, I would have stopped online dating completely. He mentioned that he had had his profile up for four years. That is when it clicked and I realized that he did not have current pics on his profile. We agreed to end the date. I didn’t feel any chemistry(I think there should be a little at least). He told me that I acted different. I told him that I was just tired. I mean at one point I had to go get water(and have small talk with some of the baristas I know). 

     The next day I have conversations with a few more people. What I realize is that Christian guys are not messaging me(or replying back when I message them). So most of the guys messaging me are agnostic, atheist, or ‘free thinkers’. Here are some of the messages that I receive:

FakeDoc: We should hang out. Was just thinkin of a movie. Relaxin.Me: No thanks

Race Car Wannabe: Hey sexy! You’re gorgeous! Where are you from sexy? What are you dong?Me: No thanks

Rugby player: U look like trouble in a good way lol Me: I wouldn’t say that. How about you? Is that what you’re looking for?RP: Yes. I’m a fun guy Me: That’s cool, What do you like to do for fun?RP: Well, I like to play games. U think u can keep up;) U went quiet.Me: What kind of games? Sorry I went to the gym.RP: Sexy games Me: Oh ok. Well good luck, I have to pass on those. 

Eurodude: Sometimes I’m just looking for a bit of fun Me: Oh ok. I hope you find what you are looking for. ED: What do you think about teasing a guy?Me:?ED: You wouldn’t be too shy to tease a guy who is interesting in your eyes?Me: No ED: You never like to go crazy?Me: Nope ED: Why not?Me: Because I am a Christian

     Earlier in the day when I was working out, a young guy approached me and asked me for my number. I knew he was too young(23) but I gave him my number anyway(big mistake). He called me and said he was calling because he thought I gave him a fake number. He kept asking me what I was doing and I told him laundry(which I was). So he asked me if he was too young for me and I said yes. I told him that he had the whole world ahead of him and I would only slow him down, plus I am sure his Mom would be through the roof(that’s a thought that I like to think). He called me a few more times asking if we could be friends and I said no it wouldn’t be a good idea. 

     Then a guy asked me to go on a jogging date. Of course I agreed. It seemed like it was going well, until he told me his whole life story. He got out of a relationship a few months ago. I figured that there must be something written on my forehead that says “Tell me your problems”. After he dropped me off, he called me. After a friendly chat, he told me that he could not be in a relationship without being intimate. I told him that I totally understood but I was just at a different place in my life right now.

So I mentioned this to a few other guys last night and here is the response I was given:

Freethinker dude: Ah, well. Sorry to waste your time. That wouldn’t work for me, either. You might want to put that in your profile. That’s definitely a deal-breaker for me, and probably a lot of other people as well. For up to like 4-6 dates, general consensus would say that’s expected, but after that if things aren’t happening, I don’t know.I hope you find someone that’s able to respect that, and or have that going for them, too. 🙂 I don’t know that I could have a romantic relationship with someone that’s not interested in sex. I’ll just leave what I have to say at that to be as polite as possible. I hope that how you choose to live your life works out for you. You seem like a lovely woman.

Me: Thanks for your honesty. 

I’d put it under “You should message me…” I’d say something like “In accordance with my faith and beliefs I’m not open to sex before marriage”. I haven’t really had to consider that. I’m sure there’s some way that’ll be easy for you to communicate yet communicate it how you want it said.No worries, you seem like a charming woman. Pragmatically, you have a lovely smile and a great body so I’m sure someone could cope with it. I wouldn’t throw you out of bed for eating crackers. 😛

     Also while I was in the midst of all of this my ex decided to look me up and attempt to pick things up where they had left off(on his terms). At first I thought it was a nice gesture, but now I know that he is just as lazy if not lazier than before. So my attitude is a big ole whatever. 

     So what do you think? If you were in my position, would you continue to put yourself into the madness called online dating? Would you decide to be done with it for good? A friend told me to pray about it and ask God what He wants me to do (which I have). On one site I have had 141 people visit my profile. Maybe 20 of those sent a message. On the other site, 242 people have visited my profile and 32 have messaged me. Also, if you suggest I continue to online date, what would be a good time frame? One person suggested until you meet someone you actually want to spend time with. 

    Some of the messages I received, I just deleted and didn’t even respond to. So that’s what I have been up to. I guess all I can say is keep me in your prayers. 




100 Questions


Jan 3, 2011

1. Why are you on Spark? 
To keep myself accountable. 

2. What works for you (weightloss)? 
Exercise and diet(I know I know we hear that all the time but its true) 

3. How did you find out? 
I think we are taught that at an early age 
4. Why do you do it? 
Because I want to be healthy and get this weight off 
5. When do you do it? 
In the morning(I spark throughout the day lol) 
6. Who helps you? 
God and my spark friends 
7. Where do you do it? 

8. How do you feel before/during/after you do it? 
Before – let’s do it 
During – ooh wee I feel the burn 
After – Yay! Time for a shower 

9. Do you love yourself? 
Not always 

10. All the time? 

11. Is your enabler also your disabler? 

**Now for the personal stuff 

13. What is your favourite colour? 

14. What does that colour signify to you? 
Happiness and love 🙂 

15. What is your ‘catch phrase’? 
don’t have one 
16. When do you say it most? 
17. Favourite number? Why? 
1-I love it lol 

18. Middle name/initial? 
19. Will you tell us the story behind your name? 
weird story 
20. In a relationship? 
No 😦 

21. Want to be in a relationship? 
Heck yes! 

22. Top or bottom? 
Both :p 

23. Boxers/briefs/commando on guys (yourself)? 
Any of the above lol 

24. Hipsters/boy shorts/thongs/briefs on girls (yourself)? 

25. Is comfort or style overrated? 
Style is overrated(you either have it or you dont) 

26. Fave go to healthy snack? 

27. Fave not healthy snack? 
Cake or ice cream 
28. Alcohol? 
I love it, but I didn’t have any on new years, so I kind of want to see how long I can go without it 

29. Fave drink? 
non alch-tea 
30. Best fast food burger? 
31. Best fries home/restaurant? 
32. Last thing you put in your mouth? 
greek yogurt 
33. Fave dinner meal? 
chicken or shrimp 
34. Can you make your fave meal? 

35. Share? 
can’t.. fam secret 

36. Smell that brings back a happy memory from childhood? 
anything that smells good on the stove 
37. What do you see when you look in the mirror? 
a nice body that will look even better soon 
38. What is more bothersome: shopping for new clothes because your stuff is too loose, or too tight? 
too tight – and i used to complain that when stuff was too loose “nothing fit me”.. ughhh 

39. What song is your personal anthem right now? 

40. Gotten really angry at anyone lately? 

41. No, I mean really, really angry? 
Oh yes. 

42. Has there been one phrase from your life that has struck you to the core? 
not that i can think of right now 

43. Find a positive one. 
You can do it. 

44. What is your mantra today? 
45. Ever played spin the bottle? 
46. When? 
As a kid 
47. Ever reverse-snort liquid out your nose after reading/seeing/hearing something funny? 
48. What came out? 
50. Want kids? 
51. Have kids? 

52. If yes to 51, do you want more? 

53. Are you working a job that you like/love/hate? 
i have two.. and both are okay i guess. not my dream jobs or anything 

54. What makes it worth working there? 
i have to live lol 
55. Star Wars or Star Trek? 
Star Wars. 

56. Vampires or zombies? 

57. Current fave show you cannot live without? 
Biggest Loser, anything reality lol 
58. Fave show that is not on right now, but you are waiting for? 
i dunno. 

59. Christmas? 
love it 

60. When is a good time to put up your tree? 

61. Other decorations? 
all over the place 

62. Turkey-white or brown meat? 

63. Stuffing? 
bad for you, but its a guilty pleasure 

64. Mashed potatoes or sweet potatoes? 

65. Fave Thanksgiving veggie? 
green beans 
66. Fave all time cookie? 
chocolate chip 
67. Lincoln logs or Tinker toys? 
Lincoln logs 
68. He-Man or She-Ra? 
70. Do you sneak snacks at present? 

71. Do you like to wrap presents? 

72. Do you want presents or gift cards this year? 

73. Pets? 

74. What kind (or if no pets, what) would you like to have? 
i want a dog and a cat 

75. Blog much? 
76. Get discouraged? 

77. How do you break through your blues? 
get my mind off of it 
78. Tea or coffee or hot chocolate? 
Tea & hot chocolate. 

80. Ever tried Poutine (french fries with cheese and gravy)? 

81. Do you have plants in your home? 
82. Ever lived as an adult at your parent/in-law’s? 
i lived with my mom and took care of her until she passed. 
83. What is the first thing you would do after winning the lottery…..say $20 mil? 
pay off college and buy a car. 

84. Facebook/Twitter/something else? 

85. Want to write a book? 
86. What is the last thing (on paper) that you read? 
too many to list 
87. What is the biggest hurdle you face today? 
getting everything I need at the grocery store 
89. What is the biggest hurdle young people face today? 
getting a job. boo. 

90. What is your greatest invention? 
i dont have one. lol 

91. Wax or shave? 

92. Bikini or brazilian? 

93. Zumba? 
Nah, I can just salsa at a club 🙂 
94. Romance or action flicks? 

95. Sci-Fi or Fantasy? 
96. “As you wish”—name the movie. 

97. Gold or platinum? 

99. Nail polish or naked? 
100. Cook or wash dishes? 

Training Day 197


Dec 29, 2010

Hello  friends 🙂 
It’s your crazy running buddy with an early morning rant. So over the weekend, I met a guy(we just had a conversation), when it was time for the conversation to end, the guy asked me for my number, I gave it to him. The guy has a girlfriend, so I thought he was saying that we were all going to hang out sometime. Nope, the guy asked me out to lunch and after not mentioning his girlfriend, I declined. Now he can’t stop saying that his girl goes out with her guy friends all the time. 

KARMA ALERT: I don’t think it is wise for a guy or girl in a relationship to go out alone with a single person of the opposite sex(AM I WRONG?). It’s just something I hold to my core(due to my lovely interactions with dudes who said they were single but were actually in relationships, and oh yeah the dude who always denied to my face that he was engaged even though he managed to marry said fiancee a few months back). 

I don’t know about you but I really don’t need any bad karma in my life(in fact I would love to be rid of all of it). So while it may be flattering, why aren’t any truly single guys around to admire my personality? Maybe its just not meant for me to know right now. 

In other news, keeping fingers crossed that the apt gets sprayed thoroughly today. I tried out Bob’s cardio last night and it was no joke(will try again later). My arms are a little sore(due to not doing regular pushups in probably years lol). 

Had an interesting conversation with a friend last night explaining why I have to eat differently this year(and actually saying outloud that I think I have had the same weight on my mid section for the past 10 years). See, even though I logged the miles and got the t-shirt lol, my eating was only maintaining my weight. 

After these past few days of weird eating, I know that my middle has no problem holding on to those same fat deposits(If I were a betting woman, I would bet my 20-30 pounds atleast are right in my mid section). I have maybe five pounds to lose in each arm, and then maybe ten in my legs. My friend was shocked that I said that I had 40 pounds to lose but I do. 

The only way that is going to happen is with a change in my eating(which I have never done before in life). See, when I was in high school, I weighed 125(still had my same bubble behind). So basically this is a challenge for myself because I also know that the only way that my times will change is with this weight off. I noticed it when I put on shirts(that used to be tight in the arm area), now stick right to my middle. I don’t like that. So here’s to more push ups and situps :)Wow! I think this is the first blog that I have ever written about my actual body before. 
On that note, let me go get my first cup of tea for the day. 
I hope you have a great day and no matter what challenges you may be facing, don’t give up 🙂 

Training Day 196


Dec 28, 2010

So, last night a friend told me to use white vinegar for the bugs! I sprayed pretty much everything(hope to get up the courage to attack the kitchen today). Praying that it works. I didn’t see anything this morning(so that was great). The office is supposed to spray tomorrow(fingers crossed) 
I am in a super good mood because I went to the back area of my office and I did 40 pushups(20 reg 20 girl), 40 crunches, and 60 jumping jacks. So, I plan to do this throughout the day(no one comes to the office) and see what happens. 
I plan to start the Bob dvd tonight(last night I went to see a friend in the hospital and then I was so tired, all I could do was spray and then go to sleep). 
Hope that you are all having a great day 🙂 
Remember that we will win in this new year 🙂