Category Archives: Repeat

When You Have A Great Idea

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Hey blog readers,

I know you may be wondering when I am actually going to go through with the book and right now the answer is I don’t know, hopefully before I get too old lol. I didn’t realize that I had started this blog years ago. So I looked at the blog in book form and I have a ton there, it just needs to be edited. Well, writing and editing a book is a major ordeal and I already know that I can’t put it before my degree(aka I have already been warned). So, I just thought that I would make baby steps with it this summer.

I am still doing the run 2015 in 2015 challenge and realized that I have to tack on a few more miles to actually complete the challenge(I slacked for a few months). I should be okay(running the calculations now). Since I already run a few long runs during the week, I just have to add to my other days of the week. I think I just got a burst of motivation, so I am really excited about that.

I have started going to a run and yoga class(where you go for a run and then do yoga after) and I found some really cool body positive yogis(including my teacher) so I am upping my yoga game. That’s right, forearm headstand is in my sites(I can actually do it against a wall now). I am so excited because yoga really calms me down(its like I have to face all of my racing thoughts and my racing heart and just feel them slow down).

So yeah, my operation superhero challenge is in full effect. What is operation superhero? Oh, its just this challenge that I have in my head to help me get fit and be healthier(I know you are probably thinking that I am already fit). My answer to that is yes and no. I am fit everywhere but my abdomen. I have a sugar belly. I think sugar is probably my comfort(and cheese and ice cream). So over the weekend, I got serious about my food and I cleaned out my pantry. It was quite a liberating experience. Also I actually cooked. I don’t cook a lot but I will definitely do more because cooking is also a form of meditation.

Well, that’s all that I am up to at the moment. I hope you have a wonderful day.

How are you challenging yourself today?

Shalom

Namaste

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Learning Lessons From Failure

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Hello blog readers,

I just wanted to take a break from my usual to blog about some recent events in my life. My semester ended yesterday with not a bang, but a fizzle. I did poorly in my stats class(which I have to retake). This news sent me into a tailspin. I found out as I was cranking out essays for another class. My body wanted to stop but my brain kept going). I reached out to a few friends, I made a few morose social media postings. A few friends swarmed on me and told me to cheer up and that things would be okay. But in my mind, they most certainly would not. All of this also happened to fall on Mother’s Day, which is always a bad time for me(as someone who no longer has their mother with them).

I had so many thoughts flowing through my mind and all I could think about was failure. When I fail, I fail in a major way. It also brings upon all of my other past failings large and small. I know this does not make sense to people who do not swim in their feelings. It makes perfect sense to those who are always inward focused. We spend huge chunks of our time focused on every part of ourselves and how we can change.

Mother’s Day last year was filled with disappointment from Sargent Pepper(who I did think about the other day). Also, I had time to think about the last time I failed a class. It was when I was enrolled in library school. I did poorly in a cataloging class. I will never forget that. We were instructed to original code MARC entries. It was rough.

So, yes, I am still hanging in there. I applied for a financial aid appeal and hopefully I will be put on an academic plan. I will be able to retake my class but I cannot take the other stats class I need until I do it. So, like Dory says “Just keep swimming”. I am reading a lot of stories about successful people who have failed at different points in time.

Yesterday I went for a walk and a friend invited me out for a night run. It was much needed and helped a lot. I also learned a trick for my laces that should help with my foot issues that I have been having. As a result of getting in so many miles yesterday, I am now in the 600 mile range for the year(still shooting for 2015).

Even though I do a really good job of beating myself up, I have to focus on the other things that I do have going well in my life. I have my life. I have my health. I have friends and family who still love me. I just have to keep moving forward. Some days that is all I can do, but that makes me a success for the day.

So, since I am on a tiny break from classes, I can watch some movies and just breathe. Sometimes that is good enough.

How do you learn from failure?

Shalom

Namaste

One Foot In Front Of The Other Moves You Forward

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Hey there lover of blogs and all things word related,

I have had a roller coaster of a week, now much of that has been in my head but whoo, it has been a ride. Earlier in the week I turned in my draft of my Stats paper. I was so excited and relieved. It is now being peer reviewed and I am peer reviewing some papers as well. I am a fairly critical person, so it is easy for me to give someone feedback on their work. I am also embracing the feedback that I am going to receive because I want to improve my writing.

My workouts have been sporadic this week because I was working on my methods assignment and I stayed up until the witching hour most days. I plan on going for a run this afternoon. I really need it. I decided after a run earlier in the week, that my days are so much better when I go for a run first. It was like one of those lightbulb moments that I need to put into practice and stop making excuses about. So, I don’t think I am going to make my mileage goal for the month so it will be interesting to see where I end up at the end of 2015 lol.

I got a bunch of interesting and amazing good news and I am excited about it but at the same time I am trying to stay calm. God works out things in so many unexpected ways until they come to fruition and I am like “Ah, now I see”. I had a great conversation with an inspirational friend yesterday who basically just told me to keep going.

Today is also a good day because I am not moping about how single I am. I totally understand how that is so old news lol. That means I am in a good space and I can focus on other things like getting my other blender from storage. The other day I went to make an awesome smoothie and my blender broke. It was a sad day for breakfast lovers everywhere.

Well, not much else is going on so I must get back to work. I cannot believe that in a few short weeks I will no longer be a first year doc student. Time flies when you are trying to meet deadlines. Also maybe I can catch a few shows or movies that I told myself I was going to get to. I am super excited about my summer class but I will probably blog about that another day.

Shalom

Namaste

When Things Start To Look Up

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Hey blog peeps,

This week has been a busy one. My empirical analysis final draft is due on Monday(I have thirteen pages that I just have to tweak to grow to fifteen) and I have a new methods assignment due on Tuesday. I finally feel like things are happening and I am on the upside of the semester.

I had been really drained in social media because a lot of people want to dip their pinky toes into the discussion of race and I just got to this point where I can’t give anymore educations on race. I am not a teacher(at this moment in time). I treat people the way that I want to be treated and I hurt with those who hurt. That’s pretty much all that I can do.

This is one of the reasons why self-care is so important. If we are not recharging our energies in some way, we can’t help ourselves or others. One nice thing that has happened this week is that a lot of people have given me food. Not that I asked for it, they just offered and I accepted it.

I only have four weeks of this semester left and then my first year of doctoral work will be complete. I cannot believe it. I remember when being a doctoral student was just this pie in the sky idea that I had, now it is happening. So to everyone who is starting this journey or thinking about starting this journey, keep going and no matter what enjoy the journey.

I have a lot of older friends(who are near retirement age) and they always tell me to enjoy the journey. It is only when I take a moment to stop and smell the flowers do I actually put those words in action. So since I am trying to be kinder to myself, I am extending that kindness to others). Last night a good friend took me out to meet some band friends and then we did a little pub crawl(we drank ginger ale and fancy root beer). It was a blast! I haven’t had that much fun in a long time and I got to hear some great new music. A lot of people complimented me on my perfume(it was one I don’t really wear often but since I have a ton of perfume, I am trying to get into this habit of rotating them) anyway, the point is I said thank you and accepted the compliment.

This week has been employee appreciation at work and our bosses got us lunch for a few days(which is great for an always hungry veggie lover like myself). It is really nice to have people notice the work that you do. I haven’t been feeling that good so I have just been walking and I started back up my home weight circuit routine.

Well, the same way I just almost wrote five hundred words for this post, I have to go add five hundred to my paper ๐Ÿ™‚

Shalom

Namaste

When Things Blow Up In Your Face

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Hey blog readers,

Sorry I haven’t been posting, I have had a wacky week. Well, I found out that I didn’t get the assistant-ship and my food stamps weren’t renewed because I don’t work twenty hours or more a week. So, I emailed everyone I could think of(I’m looking at you Sen. Cruz with your no reply email)ย  and instead of just thinking about myself I petitioned for the school to have a food bank site or food pantry for students on both campuses(just in case the school couldn’t think about increasing the hours of pay of students).

I have a lot of stuff do in a few weeks so I have been a tad stressed about it. Tonight I am giving a presentation on nutrition and health as it relates to migration. I just think it is so ironic that I am researching food insecurity while facing food insecurity.

Last night a friend posted a fitness challenge for April and this morning another friend called me for fitness encouragement so I took those as signs to get up and get moving. I ran 6 miles and did 60 squats and 20 pushups. I don’t know if I will ever get better at pushups or even like them lol. I have such weak upper body strength.

I am grateful that I am not in a position where I don’t have anything to eat in the fridge. I am grateful that I do have food to cook and eat. I am grateful for everything that I have. I just feel that more should be done when it can be. So I am trying to balance that out with the sadness that I didn’t get picked for the research position. I know I’m not the first person in the world to not get picked for a research position but I felt like I could have done a good job.

Such is life right, I mean there are so many things that we know but until it applies to us then we think it is unfair. Life for the most part isn’t fair for a lot of people so we have choices. We can keep pushing forward in spite of it all or we can let the unfairness stop us and keep us down.

I had some students in my program ask me if I was going to quit and I wouldn’t give anyone the satisfaction of quitting. This program is about making my dreams come true one class at a time. Maybe I am not a genius or a favorite but I am learning a lot and one broken code at a time and one rewritten paragraph at a time I will make it. I really don’t have any other choice because as wild as my day to day life is/seems, I have been through much, much worse.

Okay off to finish this powerpoint and figure out how to become a better writer ๐Ÿ™‚

Shalom

Namaste

Tea, Yoga, And Headlamps

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Last night before bed I had a wonderful conversation with my BFF, its always an anointed time when you can just pray back and forth with someone. I made some yummy rice noodles and I did some much needed yoga. I felt great going to bed. I had decided just to take a break from my coding and rest.

This morning I woke up to an email from the race director stating that we will need a headlamp for the race because we will be starting in the dark. Why didn’t I think of that? So, along with getting a ride to the race(I figure I will be able to get a ride home), I have to go get a headlamp. I know I’ve gone off the deep end, but I am excited about it. So far the conditions are listed as dry.

I came into work with a new person and was promptly informed that they would be leaving, so I was on my own. It was fine by me because it gave me more time to just be in the moment. A few people stopped by and were wondering where everyone was. Hey, I am doing what I am supposed to do so no one can say anything to me.

Of course I forgot all of my usbs at home. Of course it just wouldn’t be Thursday without me forgetting something. Well, the good thing is I can still work on my code because I have everything saved on my laptop and I can just finish the writeups later. I can even get started on this week’s homework if time permits.

So, I am in a pretty great mood. I am thankful and grateful for my life. It involves ups and downs but today I am coasting on the upswing. At some point this weekend I am going to watch some movies or I might catch up on some shows today. I don’t know. The sunshine is calling my name so we shall see how quickly I manage to get work done.

Shalom

Namaste

Tales From 24 Miles, An Abundance Of Gifts

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Hello blog buddies,

Over the weekend I ran a long run of 24 miles per my 50k training plan. It was wonderful because I was prepared. I am the proud owner of a pink camelbak(aka one I have wanted for years). It is amazing and a true gift for people who need to go the distance. It was cold and damp but I started out not over dressed. Then the temps went down and it started raining so I took a pit stop and got bundled up.

Well around mile 15, I saw the guy who stole my gloves and glasses a few weeks ago(I think I mentioned it). I asked him how he was enjoying my gloves and glasses. He was stunned and said that he still had them. He asked me if I would be running theย  next day. I told him not to worry about it, to take my glasses to the vision center(so they could maybe be re purposed) and to give my gloves to someone who needed them. I also told him God bless. That my friends is called running karma. It is this magic state where the universe collides and you don’t care about things that once turned you into a crying, cursing raging fit, you just run and are thankful that you can run and you keep going.

Later that evening I met up with friends in recovery and we shared a great time at McDonald’s. That McDonald’s holds so many memories for my friends and I. It was nice to be able to treat people who treated me(you know how it is with friends, one gets for the other when they are low, and vice versa). Well, if you don’t know anything about that you need new friends lol. I have some of the greatest friends in the world because they never let me starve. When I am doing well(or when I have money on my food stamps), I always treat others. Because you never know. Also, because I know what it is like to go without(one time before I went to Alaska, I only ate crackers and water because I was that broke between times friends would treat me).

See, that’s why food insecurity will always have a place in my heart(and why I am so glad that I can write my dissertation about it) because I know what it is like to be food insecure because I am. Now mind you, I am thankful that I know how to budget and my brain is already trained to eat the same stuff over and over(thanks clean eating), so I make due. But my goodness it will be nice when I can just buy whatever I want from the store and not have to worry about what I am not buying or what I can’t buy at the moment.

Now this leads me to the 1,000 gifts. I just found out that I did the gifts wrong(there is a monthly schedule lol). So since it is a new month, I hope to follow this new schedule. For the almost two hundred gifts that I already wrote about, I plan to just add a little notion referring back to the Jan list). Yep, I’m weird like that.

Yesterday after church I was able to get some much needed rollers for my muscles(I didn’t realize how expensive foam rollers were), so I got a small one and a foot one with nubs on it. Well, they are working just fine. I got those for basically the price of one small foam roller.

I’m trying to be more mindful about my food(I know I talk about this all of the time) but I have a serious issue with sugar and white carbs. I’m just taking it a moment at a time. This morning I had a smoothie(homemade) and a cliff bar and they have lasted me a few hours). I have to run some errands so I am not sure what I am going to have for lunch. I was listening to a running podcast this morning on my walk and this guy mentioned how he had changed things up in his diet and how he had saw some positive changes. I also started a push up challenge(I hate pushups). I think the reason why I hate pushups is the fact that I have little to no upper body strength. It is a true challenge.

My best friend @amemoryleak asked about my assignment for class(I figure she is the only person who would want to hear about it lol) so here is the update. I looked at Non-Hispanic Black women and American Indian or Alaskan Native women causes of death for 2010. I had to create a multiple decrement life table for both groups. Basically, I found out that American Indian women and Non-Hispanic Black women have similar rates of death(per the leading causes). There were some points where American Indian women had higher rates of death. Non-Hispanic Black women have HIV as a leading cause of death while American Indian women’s cause of death at that same rate was due to pregnancy(ie died during childbirth). So I discussed the need for education and preventative measures for both groups in order to not only improve mortality outcomes but to also improve outcomes for the men of those populations as well.

I also found out that my dna kit finally made it to the lab so hopefully in a few weeks, I will get some much needed results. I hit the article mother load today regarding migration and food literature so I am pretty excited about that. For the month of January I ran/walked 239 miles. My goal is 2015 for the year. I know it probably doesn’t make a bunch of sense, but when you are obsessed with running, it makes total sense.

What are some gifts in your life today?

Shalom

Namaste