Hey blog readers,
I know you may be wondering when I am actually going to go through with the book and right now the answer is I don’t know, hopefully before I get too old lol. I didn’t realize that I had started this blog years ago. So I looked at the blog in book form and I have a ton there, it just needs to be edited. Well, writing and editing a book is a major ordeal and I already know that I can’t put it before my degree(aka I have already been warned). So, I just thought that I would make baby steps with it this summer.
I am still doing the run 2015 in 2015 challenge and realized that I have to tack on a few more miles to actually complete the challenge(I slacked for a few months). I should be okay(running the calculations now). Since I already run a few long runs during the week, I just have to add to my other days of the week. I think I just got a burst of motivation, so I am really excited about that.
I have started going to a run and yoga class(where you go for a run and then do yoga after) and I found some really cool body positive yogis(including my teacher) so I am upping my yoga game. That’s right, forearm headstand is in my sites(I can actually do it against a wall now). I am so excited because yoga really calms me down(its like I have to face all of my racing thoughts and my racing heart and just feel them slow down).
So yeah, my operation superhero challenge is in full effect. What is operation superhero? Oh, its just this challenge that I have in my head to help me get fit and be healthier(I know you are probably thinking that I am already fit). My answer to that is yes and no. I am fit everywhere but my abdomen. I have a sugar belly. I think sugar is probably my comfort(and cheese and ice cream). So over the weekend, I got serious about my food and I cleaned out my pantry. It was quite a liberating experience. Also I actually cooked. I don’t cook a lot but I will definitely do more because cooking is also a form of meditation.
Well, that’s all that I am up to at the moment. I hope you have a wonderful day.
How are you challenging yourself today?
Hello blog readers,
I just wanted to take a break from my usual to blog about some recent events in my life. My semester ended yesterday with not a bang, but a fizzle. I did poorly in my stats class(which I have to retake). This news sent me into a tailspin. I found out as I was cranking out essays for another class. My body wanted to stop but my brain kept going). I reached out to a few friends, I made a few morose social media postings. A few friends swarmed on me and told me to cheer up and that things would be okay. But in my mind, they most certainly would not. All of this also happened to fall on Mother’s Day, which is always a bad time for me(as someone who no longer has their mother with them).
I had so many thoughts flowing through my mind and all I could think about was failure. When I fail, I fail in a major way. It also brings upon all of my other past failings large and small. I know this does not make sense to people who do not swim in their feelings. It makes perfect sense to those who are always inward focused. We spend huge chunks of our time focused on every part of ourselves and how we can change.
Mother’s Day last year was filled with disappointment from Sargent Pepper(who I did think about the other day). Also, I had time to think about the last time I failed a class. It was when I was enrolled in library school. I did poorly in a cataloging class. I will never forget that. We were instructed to original code MARC entries. It was rough.
So, yes, I am still hanging in there. I applied for a financial aid appeal and hopefully I will be put on an academic plan. I will be able to retake my class but I cannot take the other stats class I need until I do it. So, like Dory says “Just keep swimming”. I am reading a lot of stories about successful people who have failed at different points in time.
Yesterday I went for a walk and a friend invited me out for a night run. It was much needed and helped a lot. I also learned a trick for my laces that should help with my foot issues that I have been having. As a result of getting in so many miles yesterday, I am now in the 600 mile range for the year(still shooting for 2015).
Even though I do a really good job of beating myself up, I have to focus on the other things that I do have going well in my life. I have my life. I have my health. I have friends and family who still love me. I just have to keep moving forward. Some days that is all I can do, but that makes me a success for the day.
So, since I am on a tiny break from classes, I can watch some movies and just breathe. Sometimes that is good enough.
How do you learn from failure?
Hey blog readers,
Sorry I haven’t made time to blog, I really wanted to but other things got in the way like trying to figure out how to maneuver around guys in online dating. So last night after posting one of my latest exchanges with a guy on Tinder, a friend kindly suggested that I needed to just stop and that I was a fool. Well, I woke up to that message this morning and I had to agree. Maybe I have a tendency to get stuck on stupid and the only thing that I can change in the equation is me, so I deleted my online profiles(I know this is like deletion #879654).
We all know how tough it is to meet people now a days(especially if you are too *you fill in the blank* as I am). If I am not getting the results that I would like, no matter how obvious or easy it would be to put the blame on these guys who don’t know me at all, I have to put the blame on myself. So, since I do like to take responsibility for myself, why not remove myself from the situation.
I know that my friends are tired of hearing me rant about it so I’m done. Ecclesiastes states that there is nothing new under the sun. So for anyone who knows me, they know that this is not a new event in my life. I don’t even know why I still manage to get surprised. Also, I didn’t go in with huge expectations, I just don’t think its healthy for me to be in situations that aren’t healthy for me.
Today I managed to go for a run. I was in a good mood until I got my peer review feedback. My paper was shredded. It really hurt. One of the reviewers offered supportive, constructive feedback and the other reviewer offered personal attacks even saying that my paper evidenced no scholarship whatsoever. So, I talked to my professor to figure out if I needed to completely redo my analysis. He was really caught off guard and asked what prompted this idea. I told him what had happened and it was so ironic because I had just read an article(which I reblogged about writing). Basically I have to only apply those comments to my paper and not take them personal. So I think what I will do is add some different models to my discussion and compared them. Thank goodness I have a few days to work on it.
So rant over.
Hey there lover of blogs and all things word related,
I have had a roller coaster of a week, now much of that has been in my head but whoo, it has been a ride. Earlier in the week I turned in my draft of my Stats paper. I was so excited and relieved. It is now being peer reviewed and I am peer reviewing some papers as well. I am a fairly critical person, so it is easy for me to give someone feedback on their work. I am also embracing the feedback that I am going to receive because I want to improve my writing.
My workouts have been sporadic this week because I was working on my methods assignment and I stayed up until the witching hour most days. I plan on going for a run this afternoon. I really need it. I decided after a run earlier in the week, that my days are so much better when I go for a run first. It was like one of those lightbulb moments that I need to put into practice and stop making excuses about. So, I don’t think I am going to make my mileage goal for the month so it will be interesting to see where I end up at the end of 2015 lol.
I got a bunch of interesting and amazing good news and I am excited about it but at the same time I am trying to stay calm. God works out things in so many unexpected ways until they come to fruition and I am like “Ah, now I see”. I had a great conversation with an inspirational friend yesterday who basically just told me to keep going.
Today is also a good day because I am not moping about how single I am. I totally understand how that is so old news lol. That means I am in a good space and I can focus on other things like getting my other blender from storage. The other day I went to make an awesome smoothie and my blender broke. It was a sad day for breakfast lovers everywhere.
Well, not much else is going on so I must get back to work. I cannot believe that in a few short weeks I will no longer be a first year doc student. Time flies when you are trying to meet deadlines. Also maybe I can catch a few shows or movies that I told myself I was going to get to. I am super excited about my summer class but I will probably blog about that another day.
Hey blog readers,
If you are reading this, then congratulate yourself for making it to Friday. Whoo! I am so excited that I made it to another day. I love the weekends and I love Fridays(and Wednesdays but who’s counting). So last night I started working on my code and it ran and I went to sleep a happy camper. My paper is done(minus a few edits) and I couldn’t be happier(since I was happy to tell my professor that it was done). We are turning in final drafts on Monday for a triple peer review and then the final, final paper will be due after that. The great thing about this paper is that it also serves as my lit review for another class that is due at the end of the month. I am also current with my methods assignments( I have one of two due next week, so my plan is to edit and then work on it as a break). So I am looking forward to fun times this weekend.
Also this weekend I hope to workout too(since I won’t feel as rushed or stressed as I did earlier in the week). Running and exercise in general are such a release for me. I don’t know why I neglect them at times(usually when I am really stressed out). I mean even yoga and breathing help in a pinch.
This afternoon I am attending a demography workshop by one of the top scholars in the field(Dr. Green). I cannot wait to meet him. He does some awesome work at the University of Mississippi. Yesterday, he gave a talk but I had to work so I missed it. That’s why I am so excited that I have the opportunity to attend the workshop.
Yesterday I went to a networking mixer which was super awkward(not my fault at all). It just wasn’t prepped well and I don’t think they had the turnout that they were expecting. But one good thing is someone wants to read my papers. So I thought that was cool. Today I am looking on the bright side at everything. It makes each moment better. Plus, it feels good knowing that I am on the right track. I talked to a good friend yesterday about some of my experiences and she shared some similar experiences that she faced in grad school. Sometimes it just helps to know that you aren’t alone. She also mentioned some of the things that Eleanor Roosevelt went through in her life and how she overcame them. I love Eleanor Roosevelt but I didn’t realize that she had faced a lot of adversity.
Have a great day!
Hey blog peeps,
This week has been a busy one. My empirical analysis final draft is due on Monday(I have thirteen pages that I just have to tweak to grow to fifteen) and I have a new methods assignment due on Tuesday. I finally feel like things are happening and I am on the upside of the semester.
I had been really drained in social media because a lot of people want to dip their pinky toes into the discussion of race and I just got to this point where I can’t give anymore educations on race. I am not a teacher(at this moment in time). I treat people the way that I want to be treated and I hurt with those who hurt. That’s pretty much all that I can do.
This is one of the reasons why self-care is so important. If we are not recharging our energies in some way, we can’t help ourselves or others. One nice thing that has happened this week is that a lot of people have given me food. Not that I asked for it, they just offered and I accepted it.
I only have four weeks of this semester left and then my first year of doctoral work will be complete. I cannot believe it. I remember when being a doctoral student was just this pie in the sky idea that I had, now it is happening. So to everyone who is starting this journey or thinking about starting this journey, keep going and no matter what enjoy the journey.
I have a lot of older friends(who are near retirement age) and they always tell me to enjoy the journey. It is only when I take a moment to stop and smell the flowers do I actually put those words in action. So since I am trying to be kinder to myself, I am extending that kindness to others). Last night a good friend took me out to meet some band friends and then we did a little pub crawl(we drank ginger ale and fancy root beer). It was a blast! I haven’t had that much fun in a long time and I got to hear some great new music. A lot of people complimented me on my perfume(it was one I don’t really wear often but since I have a ton of perfume, I am trying to get into this habit of rotating them) anyway, the point is I said thank you and accepted the compliment.
This week has been employee appreciation at work and our bosses got us lunch for a few days(which is great for an always hungry veggie lover like myself). It is really nice to have people notice the work that you do. I haven’t been feeling that good so I have just been walking and I started back up my home weight circuit routine.
Well, the same way I just almost wrote five hundred words for this post, I have to go add five hundred to my paper 🙂
Hey blog readers,
Sorry I haven’t been posting, I have had a wacky week. Well, I found out that I didn’t get the assistant-ship and my food stamps weren’t renewed because I don’t work twenty hours or more a week. So, I emailed everyone I could think of(I’m looking at you Sen. Cruz with your no reply email) and instead of just thinking about myself I petitioned for the school to have a food bank site or food pantry for students on both campuses(just in case the school couldn’t think about increasing the hours of pay of students).
I have a lot of stuff do in a few weeks so I have been a tad stressed about it. Tonight I am giving a presentation on nutrition and health as it relates to migration. I just think it is so ironic that I am researching food insecurity while facing food insecurity.
Last night a friend posted a fitness challenge for April and this morning another friend called me for fitness encouragement so I took those as signs to get up and get moving. I ran 6 miles and did 60 squats and 20 pushups. I don’t know if I will ever get better at pushups or even like them lol. I have such weak upper body strength.
I am grateful that I am not in a position where I don’t have anything to eat in the fridge. I am grateful that I do have food to cook and eat. I am grateful for everything that I have. I just feel that more should be done when it can be. So I am trying to balance that out with the sadness that I didn’t get picked for the research position. I know I’m not the first person in the world to not get picked for a research position but I felt like I could have done a good job.
Such is life right, I mean there are so many things that we know but until it applies to us then we think it is unfair. Life for the most part isn’t fair for a lot of people so we have choices. We can keep pushing forward in spite of it all or we can let the unfairness stop us and keep us down.
I had some students in my program ask me if I was going to quit and I wouldn’t give anyone the satisfaction of quitting. This program is about making my dreams come true one class at a time. Maybe I am not a genius or a favorite but I am learning a lot and one broken code at a time and one rewritten paragraph at a time I will make it. I really don’t have any other choice because as wild as my day to day life is/seems, I have been through much, much worse.
Okay off to finish this powerpoint and figure out how to become a better writer 🙂