Hello blog readers,
I just wanted to take a break from my usual to blog about some recent events in my life. My semester ended yesterday with not a bang, but a fizzle. I did poorly in my stats class(which I have to retake). This news sent me into a tailspin. I found out as I was cranking out essays for another class. My body wanted to stop but my brain kept going). I reached out to a few friends, I made a few morose social media postings. A few friends swarmed on me and told me to cheer up and that things would be okay. But in my mind, they most certainly would not. All of this also happened to fall on Mother’s Day, which is always a bad time for me(as someone who no longer has their mother with them).
I had so many thoughts flowing through my mind and all I could think about was failure. When I fail, I fail in a major way. It also brings upon all of my other past failings large and small. I know this does not make sense to people who do not swim in their feelings. It makes perfect sense to those who are always inward focused. We spend huge chunks of our time focused on every part of ourselves and how we can change.
Mother’s Day last year was filled with disappointment from Sargent Pepper(who I did think about the other day). Also, I had time to think about the last time I failed a class. It was when I was enrolled in library school. I did poorly in a cataloging class. I will never forget that. We were instructed to original code MARC entries. It was rough.
So, yes, I am still hanging in there. I applied for a financial aid appeal and hopefully I will be put on an academic plan. I will be able to retake my class but I cannot take the other stats class I need until I do it. So, like Dory says “Just keep swimming”. I am reading a lot of stories about successful people who have failed at different points in time.
Yesterday I went for a walk and a friend invited me out for a night run. It was much needed and helped a lot. I also learned a trick for my laces that should help with my foot issues that I have been having. As a result of getting in so many miles yesterday, I am now in the 600 mile range for the year(still shooting for 2015).
Even though I do a really good job of beating myself up, I have to focus on the other things that I do have going well in my life. I have my life. I have my health. I have friends and family who still love me. I just have to keep moving forward. Some days that is all I can do, but that makes me a success for the day.
So, since I am on a tiny break from classes, I can watch some movies and just breathe. Sometimes that is good enough.
How do you learn from failure?