What Looks Like My Life On An Ordinary Day

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Last night in class we were going over some concepts and I mentioned that we had actually covered the information(not in a rude way) and as a result of giving so much detail and having a true episode of dejavu(I have had it all of my life), we got out of class early. Well, not before a classmate compared me to an elephant. I had to google it and I found out that elephants are more intelligent than humans in many regards. But it stuck with me. Why do I have to be thought of as an animal? Why couldn’t you just say “Hey, thanks good catch”?. But these kinds of things happen to me more and more I find.

Before class we were having a discussion about the findings related to kids and peanut butter allergies. A classmate from out of the country wondered why this was a thing. I mentioned that in the past, poorer people ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. El Jerko piped up that that was not true. I asked him if he had grown up poor and he said no. I said well, in this generation, more kids don’t eat peanut butter and jelly or if they do it is a fancy butter(like almond butter or a natural blend, you get the idea). Now, you can get these stats anywhere, they aren’t actually in a secret vault.

How do I know these things? Because when I was a kid, I ate tons of peanut butter and jelly, on bread, on crackers, on celery just pretty much on anything my Mom had on hand at the time. Then it dawned on me that I didn’t grow up poor. I grew up lower middle class which is kind of like the older step sister of poor. I also grew up around a lot of poor people and when I was a guest in other people’s homes we were all treated the same(we ate the same, we were basically extended family). It was only when I became an adult and went through a series of events called life that I did subsist on peanut butter and jelly crackers and water. In fact, my Mom had so much pride that she would have never accepted assistance in any shape or form even if she was in a rough spot. Me on the other hand, I put my pride aside if it means fulfilling my basic needs for living.

Now that I think about it, that’s probably why I haven’t let go of this weight, because I hold onto food. For instance, the way my fridge is set up, it is basically a mini freezer. So I actually have enough food to live off of for awhile. But yet I still will go out to eat or will eat highly processed stuff that isn’t good for me. I am definitely working on it but it felt like I just had an aha moment. Its like I am afraid to starve but I need to cut back tremendously. So I am trying to be more mindful by following a plan and actually tracking food again.

So in order to keep a semblance of peace, I have decided to stop talking in class and to people who don’t care about what I have to say. Why should other people have the pleasure of attempting to destroy my existence. Nope, no one gets that luxury anymore. Now, I know you may think I am being silly but if you could put yourself in my shoes for a day let alone a week it would make much more sense. So for my sanity, I have to make a change(because it is always me who has to change because I am not in control of others changing).

I was in such a tizzy last night that I did the dishes, put away the dishes, did a decent meal prep, and did laundry. Now I have to finish assignments that are due in March and rework a paper for April. I did not want to get up this morning so since we are going to have a sunny afternoon, I am going for a long run after work. I am so excited about that.

I hope you have a great day.

Shalom

Namaste

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