So yesterday started off like it was going to be a good day. I worked out, I made pancakes. Things were looking up. I went to work. I went to an interesting workshop. I grabbed a bite before class with a classmate. We discussed our stats exam. The exam that I had poured heart,soul,blood,sweat, and tears into.
I checked my grade and I bombed the test. I mean I bombed it so hard it didn’t make any sense. So then in an attempt to make me feel better(I think?) my classmate said that it wasn’t my fault, that I had no business being in the class anyway because I had no stats background. So we agreed that I would have to knock the final paper out of the ballpark.
I emailed my professor and he said that out of four options, two of them would have me passing(because we can’t get a C in any of our classes). So option one is getting a 90 on the final paper and option two is getting a 100 on the final paper. This is tough news for a perfectionist, type A person who doesn’t deal well with failure.
So I ugly cried before class(because I still had to go to class) and then I found out that other people didn’t do that well either. So I made it home and then ugly cried while I did the dishes. I went to sleep. I woke up and then ugly cried all over again. I took a shower, I worked out(yeah for some reason I did those two things backwards this morning). Then I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I cried again. I went on my way. I talked to some friends about it. They were really supportive. Its like every moment I think about it I just start crying and remembering all of the other times in my life when I have failed at something.
I don’t really have any good answers at the moment. Yes, I prayed and prayed some more. I even asked God to take my emotions away from me, but nope, they just keep coming. How do you push forward when no one is able to help you(because we don’t even have stats tutors on my campus, and it wasn’t really the stats it was my code). How do you stay positive when you have to do something that seems so statistically impossible?
What do you do when a silver of yourself says this is not possible and you need to throw in the towel because your life is over. Its like I have a sign on my head that says doa. Then the rest of yourself says you can do it, you can make it. Its a hard line to balance. Its difficult when you fall down so far.
I know you are probably thinking well, what is the problem. The problem is this huge mountain that I have to climb to maintain this B-. So, have you had experiences where you just didn’t think you were going to make it and how did you do it? Do you have any advice? What would you do if you were in my position?