Sad But True

Standard

I was kind of at a loss of what to blog about until I found blog prompts for every day. Today’s prompt is about criticisms that we have heard in our lives and are they still true today. I tend to be a hyper sensitive person so I hate any and all criticism. I would rather have some general feedback than criticism. The only thing that criticism does is make me want to prove that person wrong, so I spend inordinate amounts of time trying to be more awesome than I already am to prove a point. Because I hold onto things forever.

When I was a kid, I was always criticized for being too sensitive, for being a worrywart, and for being anal retentive. At school I was criticized for being loud. In fact, the only insult people had who didn’t know me was that I was loud. It would burn me up and I would be ready to fight. Because how do you combat someone telling you that you are loud, than by showing them how loud you can be? Idk. I don’t really like to argue with people because when I argue I do get loud, so I will start yelling and screaming if i don’t think you are hearing me clearly enough.

In my life I have been called a b****, and a p****. I have been told that I couldn’t do so many things that I told people that I would do(so I try to temper my excitement by keeping things on the low). Basically, I was mentally, emotionally, physically, beat down so that I wouldn’t be surprised when the world around me attempted to do the same. Was it right? No. Did I learn from it? Yes. So today, when someone attempts to insult me or make me feel small, I take it in for a moment and release it because it will never compare to the tearing down that I have already survived.

So I sit and walk through life with a million instances and situations just coursing through my mind, body, and spirit and I keep moving forward. I can’t quit now because I have been through so much worse. Also, at the end of the day, I know that I will be made stronger and I will experience better in the end. Its like the process a diamond goes through to shine. I see each experience as something that is going to make me shine brighter in the end.

As far as people go, I still have people in the world that I can’t stand(and some that I don’t understand how my friends could be friends with lol). I just hold my head up high with pride that despite all that they tried to do to bring me down, they didn’t win. Like Antoine Fisher says “I’m still standing, I’m still strong”. And so I am.

I have to take this same attitude with any and all things that seem like a burden or stumbling block. I have been given another day to get it right, be better, and do better. This is my attitude for each assignment(right now my massive midterm that I totally get, I’m so close to figuring out, I just need that lightbulb to turn on lol). Its the same for my writing response that I have to turn in in a few hours(I can do this, I am doing this, I will finish it).

It also puts complaining and whining into a whole new perspective. It helps me to find more to be grateful for and more of life to enjoy rather than embracing the negative in an intimate way that it would so seek. I choose to embrace the good and all that it takes to get there.

Here’s goes nothing

Shalom

Namaste

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