My Thoughts On Domestic Violence


So everyone aka the internet is in an uproar this week about the Ray Rice incident. I’m not. Here are some of my thoughts as to why.
First things first, the story is told that my dad hit my Mom on their first date. That was years before I was born. I was born premature likely as the result of abuse and trauma. My parents were in an abusive relationship for twenty five years. That was the majority of my life at the time my Mom had passed.
I grew up in fear and insecurity not knowing when my dad was going to kill my Mom. My Mom was tough. She never provoked him and only fought back when she could.
For a few years my parents were apart. During that time my Mom had a boyfriend who attacked her in a store. I was there when my Mom was put into the ambulance. I guess she thought being with my dad would be better, so they got back together. When I was six I saw my dad attempt to kill my mother. This was also when I learned that I was an accident(my other family says different). The next year when I was in second grade, I came home to my dad strangling my Mom with a lamp cord. I decided that I hated them both. I know its ironic that I grew up in the church but would still have hate in my heart but I do. I’m human.
My Mom never talked bad about my dad or why she didn’t leave.  She put him over everything and everyone. I will never understand how you could choose someone over the children that you birthed.
When my parents split for good after my dad trying to kill my Mom for the last time after holding her at gunpoint for hours, yes I was also present, I stopped speaking to him. When I went away to college some family members gave me some bs story of why I needed to talk to him, so I gave in. He never apologized for the abuse. He blamed my Mom for everything,  even though she had put him first for over twenty years. After that conversation I vowed never to speak to him again and I haven’t.
Fast forward to me. I was in a relationship and got married. I didn’t see all of the signs. One day my husband attempted to kill me. As soon as he was done trying to squeeze the life out of me after dragging me through our home and bashing my head into the floor repeatedly,  I had a come to Jesus moment where I couldn’t believe I was alive after seeing my life flash before my eyes. I called the cops and a friend.  I pressed charges and got a restraining order.
I filed for a divorce then an annulment and was granted the anunulment. I called the cops every single time my ex attempted to violate the order and I guess he got tired of going to jail because he stopped. I still have fear though.  So I will probably get the order renewed when it is time.
So, I said all this to say, when people want to light a fire under me because I say that Janay Rice should have left and not married him, I’m not too pressed. I can’t educate everyone.  I know the cycle, I lived it, breathed it, got the medical bills to prove it. Just because there is a cycle of domestic violence does not mean that you have to advocate for a woman staying in that nonsense.
I’m praying hard for her and everyone caught up in the cycle. But don’t take my word for it, listen to the spirit of all of the victims who didn’t get the chance to live another day.

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