Please forgive me in advance if this post makes no sense. I have been a bundle of emotions and I am doing homework that is due before our first day of class(not complaining just explaining). With everything that has been going on in Ferguson, I have been emotionally drained. I stopped trying to educate people a long time ago. I just don’t have any more words for it. We prayed for justice in church last week.
My new job hasn’t started yet(I’m in the system just waiting to find out about training). There was a hold up on my financial aid due to a misguided hold(for undergrads). So that put a huge wrinkle in my plans for the week and pissed my roommate off(she was so mad that when I yet again offered food, because when I don’t have anything monetary to give, I always give food, she refused). Well, I ate anyway.
I cried for a little over two hours yesterday. I cried so much that I had no tears left for today. None. Today was just a day of it is what it is and there is literally nothing that I can do to change it. So just like yesterday, I prayed the serenity prayer and the our father a lot. Since I couldn’t change anything, I went to two meetings today and tons of friends asked me where I had been and basically just told me they missed me. Then I realized that I missed them too.
Now, on to my homework. Its not a huge assignment(just a feeler). The big deal is the 171 pages that I have to read and conceptualize. I know you are saying, well, you read 200 plus pages in an hour, so what is the problem. The problem is when you are a perfectionist, you have to have every idea layed out in your head before you can type. So what did I do? I found a few plans for writing and I am writing all of my ideas down on paper. It reminds me of my younger years. The only thing missing are the index cards(which I think I have somewhere).
I am looking forward to the new semester, new program, new people, and new ideas. I am still on the hunt for a place to lay my head. I’m not in freak out mode. I refuse to go there. So just keep me in your prayers as you are in mine. I hope that you have a great day/night and know that all trials have a purpose.