Accepting The Sound Of Silence


Today I finally finished my last final of my counseling program. It isn’t due until Friday but I wanted to turn it in last week(and some things had gotten in the way). As I was about to congratulate myself, I looked to my email and found out that SP had deleted me from skype.
So he gave me his answer, not in flowery prose, or amazing platitudes, just delete. It was so ironic because yesterday when studying with friends, a friend asked me if I could accept that his answer was silence. At first I teared up, but I had to say yes.
I can accept that he would not give me what I wanted which was an answer. I can accept that he did not want to push through my fear and doubts and prove my gut wrong(because people just don’t do that). I accepted it by not emailing him or skyping him. I accepted it by doing what I needed to do for myself. With this new revelation, I further accepted it by deleting all of his emails and email address from my life.
As I complete this transition in my life to embrace a whole new world of people, changes, responsibilities, I can see that this is all probably for the best. I do not have any hate in my heart for SP. But I can tell you that emotional pain and manipulation can hurt just the same as someone putting their hands on you. It sucks a part of you out of yourself. It attempts to shatter your whole heart, but for a strong person, it just shatters any illusions that you may have had of the person, the situation, and your future together.
So from here on out, I am looking out for my best interest. I will commit myself to building a deeper relationship with the Lord so that I can be more mindful of His best for me and His path for my life. I will continue to be honest with people. I will continue to honor my feelings and listen to my gut rather than try to silence it when it is speaking in my best interest.
To my beautiful best friend, I did what you told me and he didn’t do what you thought or hoped. Sometimes we have to forge our own paths in the world, with or without someone else by our side. Things will all work out as long as we do what we can in good faith.
Well, I am off to dive into some awesome books(let’s see how long it takes me to read Game of Thrones), have some tea, and do some yoga.


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