Feel, Think, Pray


     Well, my semester is wrapping up with a bang. I hope to finish my last final today. I’m still worried about where I will be moving. I’m going through a one sided argument with SP. I’m just in a weird space.
    I thought I would be so happy about this chapter of my life closing and I’m a little sad. Like I can’t believe I got this far. My professor told me its just the beginning.
     I’m still attempting to look for places but I know it won’t be real until I have money. Moving and money have always been a source of anxiety for me. I’m still working on it.
     I got mad at SP because he never listens to me or shares real feelings with me. So, I basically told him we should just be friends. He hasn’t responded to me for days so I know he’s giving me the silent treatment because he has done it before. So I’m over it. A friend said that maybe its just me, which I can take some blame for. I have no problem admitting that I’m an asshole. So I let SP know that maybe it was my anxiety and I was sorry for taking it out on him. But with not even a peep, I’m not apologizing anymore.
     Then yesterday I got an update on my ex and I freaked out a smidge inside. He will probably always be in a corner of my brain as a reminder.
     So I think I’m better off with me, myself, and I along with my anxiety because I’m too messed up to ever be in a healthy relationship and I was stupid for thinking that I ever could be.
So I’m shutting myself off for awhile.


4 responses »

  1. Loved this. same thing happened to me quite recently, just different initials! i’m so done with it.


  2. same here. i think sometimes its more
    for my own catharsis than anything. the silent treatment is my kryptonite. its time to just focus on me for awhile.


  3. The silent treatment just confirmed that we were not ever what I thought we were. Passive aggressive is what it is and you can’t play the person who created the game lol. His loss!


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