Wrapped In Fear


     Well, today was just a storm of life. I picked fifty pepperoni pieces off of a tiny pizza and ate what was left of the pizza. I had one small cupcake. I had ice cream for breakfast. Just because. So I came home and made a new recipe that I found on Pinterest and it was delicious. It was literally a one pot meal. It was probably one of the fastest meals I have ever made. It was tomato and basil pasta. I made it with Soba and rice noodles. I saved the rest for tomorrow. I had different ice cream after dinner. 

     I was talking with my landlady about the difference between positive and negative attitudes. I basically told her that she is always negative. She said that no, I am always negative. My problem is this, I have a lot of people in my life who have money and live comfortably but are always negative and speak as if they were poor.This sounds like bs to an actual poor person.  I backed up every instance she mentioned with evidence. 

     I also told her that she tells God what she wants(like all the specifics) whereas I just ask God for things in general terms. Because we don’t know how God is going to lead or work in the matter. I was lamenting because I have to look for and find a job. Since I have to do my unpaid internship during the day I need a job that offers nights and weekends. Basically I am applying for everything I can think of. 

     I am scared because I don’t know how God is leading and working. I hate the unknown. I would just like a general nudge or something to know that things are going to work out. I guess I am just freaking out because last summer I had an awesome work study position and this summer I don’t. In other news, I did a decent job with packing. So tomorrow is set to just move things to storage. 

     I didn’t hear from SP this morning. I’m not shocked. I am still going to email him anyway because it doesn’t make sense to get mad at him over something so silly. Nor does it make sense to take stuff out on him that is out of both of our controls. I did think about him a lot today. I am hopeful that I can make him smile whenever he gets a chance to read my email. 





2 responses »

  1. I am also in this place of please give me a sign….anything at all God! I know things work out. They always work out. But, for the past few months things have been so strange…..Not good or bad strange just strange. Maybe that has been my sign all along! I DO know that it does all eventually work itself. And it will with you also! You just have to stick in there! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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