Anatomy Of A Bad Date/Waving The White Flag

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     I went on a date last night. I had planned to write this post last night, but my mind was spinning and I was too tired. I planned on writing it earlier today but my mind was still spinning and I did a bunch of nothing to avoid writing it. Then something happened when I was just breathing and enjoying a moment, so I had to write this. 

     So, you all know that I had recently started online dating again(yes, I have stopped again I think for good this time). The person that I was going to give another shot to, lets just say his inaction renders him invisible and I am going to act like I am busy if for some reason he does manage to appear this weekend. But this post is not about him. Shocker I know. 

     Ok, here we go. I just took my day vitamins to postpone writing a sentence. Ugh So yesterday morning a guy that I had exchanged numbers with online texted me. No big deal. He mentioned that he had closed his profile after some crazy messages. I replied that was ok because I had deleted mine as well. He said that he wanted to meet me and we should do Starbucks. I agreed. This time I picked a different Starbucks. I was really excited and I thought the universe was saying, see you too can find good dates after you delete your online dating profile. I bought a couple of cute tops. 

     I get to the Starbucks and find a spot to sit down. The guy is across from me standing(like he was about to text me). First major red flag: he didn’t look anything like his profile picture. He approaches me and you know how someone goes in to kiss your cheek? He went in a smelled me. Weird.

     We got in line and when it came time to order the barista asked if the drinks were together and he said they were separate. Red flag number two: Guys should always pay on dates especially if they ask the girl out. As soon as I pulled out my wallet, he told the barista they were together. I thanked him. 

     We walked and talked. Then he asked if I wanted to go and sit down. I agreed. He asked me if I wanted to go to the movies. I said sure. He gave me a hi-five. He mentioned that we had some time before the movie and asked me if I wanted to go somewhere to hang out. I agreed. We went to a public park(it was still daylight out). 

     On the way to the park the guy mentioned that he wasn’t looking for anything serious. I said ok and made a mental note. We briefly chatted about other dates we went on.He had mentioned that there were times where women threw themselves at him on dates.  We went to the park and for some reason the conversation turned to drinking. He asked me if it was harder for me to date sober or when I was drinking. I had mentioned that I no longer drink. I said it was way easier because I had my checklist and I could analyze things quicker. 

     We went to the movies. We sat down and I just went to town on the popcorn. The theater was freezing and since I am naturally cold blooded, I was basically a shivering ice block. He started whispering to me. He asked me something about the kind of shoes I liked(I was wearing flats). I mentioned that I liked all kinds of shoes and asked him if he was into that. He didn’t really answer. Well, at some point he held my hand(which was frozen and stayed super cold). I did not hold his hand back. So finally he let my hand go. I was really into the movie(Spiderman 2). 

     When the movie was over, as I got up to leave, he attempted to put his hand on the small of my back. I moved. When we left the theater, he mentioned that his place was much warmer and invited me over. I said no thank you. So he drove me home. I thanked him for the evening.

     Instead of dropping me off at home, he drove past my place. I already knew the deal. He then proceeded to ask me on a scale of one to ten how attracted I was to him. Super awkward. I bust out in nervous laughter and said that I had never been asked that before and that I would not answer the question. He said that I could be honest. I said that I would not want to ask someone that and I would not want the answer.

     Then I opened the car door. Red flag number fifty-eleven: when someone tries to keep you in their car by locking the doors with the electric lock. He said hey, close the door I want to talk to you. I kept the door open and said we really didn’t have anything else to talk about. He asked me if he was going to call me or if I was going to call him. I told him that I would text him today(which I didn’t). 

     He called me today. He again asked me the scaling question and I did not answer. He then proceeded to tell me that being physical and intimate was very important to him. He said that I did not tell him how I felt yesterday. I told him that yesterday he had pretty much made that clear and that I wasn’t having sex until I was married. I told him that I was on the other end of the spectrum from him.

     He was shocked. He said but I had had sex before. I said yes and that I chose not to again until I was married. I said that I had decided that after I had been married. He was shocked to find out that I had been married before. He mentioned that it sounded like we were not on the same page and I agreed.Then the other bad date guy texted me to ask me out for another date and I said that we didn’t have to. He wished me good luck and I wished the same for him. 

     The reason why I am raising the white flag and basically why I have thrown in the towel is because my time and energy is not worth being wasted on more bad dates. I value myself and my standards and I can wait for someone to want to get to know me and who can respect that. Sure I wanted things to work out with my ex(which you may be tired of hearing about) but I came to the realization that nothing was going to change because he didn’t want anything to change. The only thing he wanted to change was the opportunity to have sex before he shipped off. Nope, not from me. 

     I know it may sound weird that I am so conservative in my beliefs but I have seen it happen and work out for other people. I can’t think that I am the exception. I have to think that I am the rule. Just because someone doesn’t want to respect me by waiting doesn’t mean that I am a bad person, it just means that they are selfish. 

     Just a side note about intuition which I like to call spidey sense, listen to it, use it. It is much easier for me to listen to it being that I am sober. That is one reason why I know that I will be okay even if I continue to stay single. It just means God has a different plan for my life. 

So here’s to healthy relationships and a healthy life. I went for a nice run after that horrible conversation and had a personal dance party. I even gave myself a mani and pedi for graduation this weekend. Now that is something to look forward to. I was so excited because I turned in my last assignment of the semester. I am so excited for the summer to start. Everything is lining up nicely. All I have to do now is prepare for the move, move, and find a job. Thankful that God is a big God and he knows the plans He has for us. 

Thank you again for checking out my little spot in the Internet. I am humbled by everyone who checks it out(even though you may not be led to leave a comment). Also thanks for praying for me and if you aren’t, you can always start 🙂

Shalom

Namaste

     

    

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2 responses »

  1. Sorry you had a date that smelled your hair as a way to say hello, and only stepped up the creepiness from there. The car part of the story had to be the weirdest. I thought you saying “I already knew the deal” meant he was going to park and walk you to your door, and thought to myself “well, at least he ended it on a decent note.” Then I read your next sentence…

    I suppose I never knew you were going to move after graduating, so perhaps it is best to delay dating for a while. Then you can focus your energy on finding happiness with your new job and new location, wherever they may be. The dating sites will still be there whenever you are ready, or maybe you will meet the right guy on the sidewalk or in the grocery store after you settle into your new environment.

    Thank you for sharing, and may you find an amazing job and an incredible place to call home.

    Like

  2. Thanks Richard! He smelled my face lol. Thank you for your encouragement and support. Yes, I’m open to wherever love may find me 🙂

    Like

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