Mind Blowing

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Dear God, thanks for everything, help my worry, and wow you are amazing!

     Yesterday around this time(aka late), I found some really good blogs about modest fashion(just when you think you have read a ton of blogs you find a new one). I also found some great blogs about faith and contentment as a single. As I was reading one blog, it included a passage of scripture(1 Corinthians 7:17). It blew me away because I don’t recall reading it before(maybe I glanced over it). So, I had to look it up for myself(different versions). Wow, it was so powerful, I shared it with my online peeps. I continued to think about it today.

     I was so tired(apparently I left my cotton balls outside overnight), I had painted my nails outside last night(such a good idea) but I guess I got tired and I left them there. After getting this announcement at 7am, I went back to sleep. As a result, I made it to the gym but I missed Zumba. How embarrassing, to have to tell people that I was sorry for missing because I was late. Yeah, I know it wasn’t a big deal but Zumba is fun. I have been reading a new book(Never Have I Ever by Katie Heaney). It touches so many parts of me that I haven’t been able to zoom through it. So I got in a nice workout and then I got in some work on a stationary bike while I read.

     I had to get a new shirt for church tomorrow(because it had been decided that we are wearing pastel and shocker I don’t really roll like that). Well, I found a super cute shirt(it is so cute and fancy, its all lace embroidered). I say fancy because it looks really classy.  This evening I watched a couple of Hallmark movies(I always enjoy watching them on the weekends). 

     I have been thinking a lot about my faith(because I am self-centered like that). I always tell people that I think I had stronger faith when I was younger. I pretty much gave everything to God but I justified my anger(like it was excusable). Then when my Mom died, I ran to everything that I thought I was missing(alcohol, sex, anything but my real issues) and basically left the church. I would pray and read my Bible. I would say that God knew my heart. But I never asked God what He wanted for me. 

     So now I am trying to do a better job of asking God what He wants from me and just walking in His path. I know that I have made a lot of mistakes but I believe God has forgiven me and all I can do is learn from those mistakes and not repeat them. Most of them aren’t worth repeating anyway. 

     I’m trying to do a better job in being content in my singleness. As much as I have hopes and dreams of a good relationship one day, I still have those thoughts that nag me that say that I’m not worth it. It is also easy to believe that when I look at my track record and realize I was never involved with a good guy. I had plenty of crushes on good guys. Since I can’t predict the future and I don’t know what God has in store for me, all I can do is continue to pray and hope. 

     The awesome thing is that God is bigger than my fears, doubts, mistakes, low self-esteem, and confusion. As the VeggieTales say, God is bigger than the boogie man too. So I have to embrace each moment for what it is and look on the bright side. Maybe I had to go through all of the pain to be where I am today. 

Shalom!

Namaste

 

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2 responses »

  1. Tough love time. You are worth it, and I hope you learn to overcome those nagging doubts while you are single. The man you will eventually meet and fall in love with is just as flawed as you are. We are all flawed. Once you learn to love yourself, flaws and all, the same way you will love your flawed future husband, you will have the most attractive quality any woman can possess. You are probably attracted to men who love themselves in the same way men are attracted to women who love themselves. You can see in that person’s eyes that they are worth loving and know how to love. You can see they don’t just look past flaws, but truly accept and embrace them as a necessary part of the wonderful whole.

    I am not sure what reasons you hold onto, but I can absolutely assure you they won’t matter to the right man. Would you love your friends any less if they had every reason you hold onto, or more?

    My most sincere best wishes. And Happy Easter.

    Like

  2. Thank you for your wisdom Richard. You are right about the friend part. I have to reread your comment, there is a lot of truth there. Happy Easter!

    Like

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