Dear God, thanks for everything, help my worry, and wow you are amazing!
Yesterday around this time(aka late), I found some really good blogs about modest fashion(just when you think you have read a ton of blogs you find a new one). I also found some great blogs about faith and contentment as a single. As I was reading one blog, it included a passage of scripture(1 Corinthians 7:17). It blew me away because I don’t recall reading it before(maybe I glanced over it). So, I had to look it up for myself(different versions). Wow, it was so powerful, I shared it with my online peeps. I continued to think about it today.
I was so tired(apparently I left my cotton balls outside overnight), I had painted my nails outside last night(such a good idea) but I guess I got tired and I left them there. After getting this announcement at 7am, I went back to sleep. As a result, I made it to the gym but I missed Zumba. How embarrassing, to have to tell people that I was sorry for missing because I was late. Yeah, I know it wasn’t a big deal but Zumba is fun. I have been reading a new book(Never Have I Ever by Katie Heaney). It touches so many parts of me that I haven’t been able to zoom through it. So I got in a nice workout and then I got in some work on a stationary bike while I read.
I had to get a new shirt for church tomorrow(because it had been decided that we are wearing pastel and shocker I don’t really roll like that). Well, I found a super cute shirt(it is so cute and fancy, its all lace embroidered). I say fancy because it looks really classy. This evening I watched a couple of Hallmark movies(I always enjoy watching them on the weekends).
I have been thinking a lot about my faith(because I am self-centered like that). I always tell people that I think I had stronger faith when I was younger. I pretty much gave everything to God but I justified my anger(like it was excusable). Then when my Mom died, I ran to everything that I thought I was missing(alcohol, sex, anything but my real issues) and basically left the church. I would pray and read my Bible. I would say that God knew my heart. But I never asked God what He wanted for me.
So now I am trying to do a better job of asking God what He wants from me and just walking in His path. I know that I have made a lot of mistakes but I believe God has forgiven me and all I can do is learn from those mistakes and not repeat them. Most of them aren’t worth repeating anyway.
I’m trying to do a better job in being content in my singleness. As much as I have hopes and dreams of a good relationship one day, I still have those thoughts that nag me that say that I’m not worth it. It is also easy to believe that when I look at my track record and realize I was never involved with a good guy. I had plenty of crushes on good guys. Since I can’t predict the future and I don’t know what God has in store for me, all I can do is continue to pray and hope.
The awesome thing is that God is bigger than my fears, doubts, mistakes, low self-esteem, and confusion. As the VeggieTales say, God is bigger than the boogie man too. So I have to embrace each moment for what it is and look on the bright side. Maybe I had to go through all of the pain to be where I am today.