Dear Lord, Please remove all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking from my heart. Remove these damaging habits and replace them with your unconditional love. Make me to see as you see. Help me to be kind, patient, tenderhearted and forgiving to all, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven me, the chief of sinners. Amen.
The beauty of God’s forgiveness is He offers it over and over again. It is so amazing and something I have to utilize moment by moment in my life. Where would I be without forgiveness. I don’t think I want to know.
I see that my post boyfriend privileges vs husband privileges is extremely popular. I think I have to edit it to update the fact that I am still single. Oh the single life. Such an interesting part of life. Yesterday I had the awesome opportunity to attend the wedding festivities of two of my really good friends.
I met a really nice couple and their kids. They told me about their love story. They were surprised to find that I was single. They told me to keep praying about it and give it to God. I let them know that I was. As I was walking around a cute guy struck up a conversation with me. Well, we ended up talking for awhile so people thought we were together and we took some pictures together. I did my best to stay calm. Since we all know how I can be. It seemed like we had a lot of things in common.
Well, we ended up playing basketball(I haven’t played since I was eight). It was a lot of fun. We started mingling with other people and a drunk guy got inappropriate with me. I was pretty shocked and when I mentioned to the guy what happened, he was surprised. I still managed to have fun. We left the event and went to my friend’s guest house to hang out(and sleep). The guy let me borrow his jacket(which was super warm). So of course I get lost. I get so lost that I lose cell coverage. So, it was just me and the deer along with the wide open road.
So I get to where I am supposed to be and we all have a blast. Then I realize that another drunk guy is flirting with me(he was definitely drunk). So I just continued to nod and say thanks. Not really encouraging the guy, hoping that he would get the hint. So the guy(I told him he was like the holy grail of guys) so let’s just call him HG guy. Well, we continued to talk and interact with people. He said that he had noticed the drunk guy.
I told HG guy to get his jacket in the morning. Well, morning rolls around and he had left without getting his jacket from me. When I got home, I told a friend about what happened. I asked her why guys would act like they were interested in a person, but literally act that same way toward a ton of people. I did a really good job of just listening and not spilling my whole life story like I usually do. She said that I needed to remember that a whole person isn’t looking for a half of a person. Whole people don’t go from place looking to be fulfilled. People who are fragmented can’t find wholeness in another person(but they don’t know that).
So I have to forgive holy grail guy and myself. I have to pray for him and all singles. One of the men mentioned how dating is in Africa and how the responsibility is on the men not the women. Then today I saw a conference on tv that mentioned that the men are to lead and women aren’t to be aggressive or pursuing. So I took that as a huge confirmation.
It truly hit me that guys do know what they are doing and not doing. If a guy is not pursuing you, its because he isn’t interested. So no matter how cool I may think holy grail guy is, he didn’t think I was cool enough to get to know. So I admire him for talking about his singleness and I hope and pray that I can be more content in my singleness to where it doesn’t affect me so much. I want my singleness to be purposeful too.
But I feel like I get points because I didn’t ask Holy grail guy out. I didn’t do anything with the drunk guys and I did my best to ignore the taken guys. Yep, its definitely one day at a time but I think I am making baby steps in the right direction every day. If I have to spend the next three or so years single so that I can do what I am supposed to do, so be it. Of course it would be easier if I didn’t have desires. It is so funny how I am so quick to be open to new possibilities with people who aren’t even thinking about me being in their frame of view. I listened to some great Christian music on the trip and it was really life affirming.
So prayer and more prayer is in order.