Consider The Lilies-Lent Day 9

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Consider the lilies is how the passage of Luke 12:27 begins. To consider the lilies requires taking time to notice the simple, small things that surround us. That requires looking at things outside of ourselves. Knowing that God takes care of these things and shows concern for everything, should bring comfort that He cares for me. 

Today was supposed to be a simple day. I had plans to meet a friend at a meeting and surprise, she did not show. I was bummed because we had made those plans. It just rolled me into a spiral of how I have to stop having expectations then I won’t be let down. I don’t know how introverts process being let down, but being the extrovert that I am, it completely bums me out and it shows. 

I went about my day when a UPS guy tried to flirt with me. He said “We could have had a nice conversation” and I said “Yes, we could have, have a nice day”. I mean what are you supposed to say to that? It made me realize that guys can literally find me anywhere. If or when they want to. Why am I always expected to make a move? I mean, if I give off a vibe that says “Hey I want to be in control”, I hope I can just wash my face and have it be removed. 

So I went to my counseling session and I think it is safe to say I went through a few emotions. Its kind of ironic that we expect our clients to just accept things that we don’t always want to. Basically, I am expected to soar and fly. I know that I can but I just want to roll up into a cozy blanket. Because apparently you can only go to counseling for a long time when it is psychotherapy not brief. 

I came home and checked out a few Boundless resources and podcasts. Whoo, I am doing my best to remain optimistic. I think dating and the dating game just sucks(excuse my language). Online dating isn’t evil. But its not heaven on earth either. Yeah, I know I keep flip flopping on my stance on online dating. I was looking for some holy grail to tell me it was evil and all of my trusted conservative sources approved. 

I am attempting to take it slow. That’s a lot for someone like me. Because really it makes me anxious. I am already the queen of over everything(analyzing, thinking, doing, etc). So I thought if I went in baby steps I would be ok. Well, not exactly. Married dudes have messaged me(defending their behavior), and I haven’t figured out why all the cute guys are atheist. Yes, it really is a jungle out there. I had a conversation with someone about how people present themselves online. It is so horrible and it seems like it is only getting worse(mind you I have been online dating in some form since 2006). 

So no, I know that I don’t have all of the answers. I probably don’t even have half of them. An online friend told me that I was awesome and there weren’t a lot of awesome guys out there. It does make me sad at moments because it is such a game. I know that I don’t play it well and I don’t understand why I have to continue playing it. 

So please keep me in your prayers that I find a great single guy who wants to get to know me and if not pray that I find contentment so that I can stop wanting what I can’t have. God knows my heart and knows the plans He has for my romantic life. I just have to keep trusting him. 

Namaste

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