Today I stopped and took in each moment. I keep breathing and even took deep breathes when needed. I prayed this morning. These are some of the things that I was able to do in order to listen and learn from the world around me. I read my devotional this morning.
The devotional used Isaiah 41:10, 13 “Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice…For I the Lord your God hold your right hand; I am the Lord, Who says to you. Fear not; I will help you!.
The awesome thing about prayer is that we can do it silently or out loud(it all gets heard). My ultimate prayer is that God’s will be done in my life and that I get out of my own way. I am trying to slow down so that I can learn what I need to learn. This can be a challenge for an impatient person. It is worth it, so I try not to be so hard on myself.
Today I still didn’t feel well(I was able to run today so a little better than yesterday). I wish I could figure out what I ate to make myself sick. The up side is that it is making me more mindful of what I do eat. So for breakfast I had pineapple and nuts, for lunch I had a veggie spinach wrap and some sun chips, an apple, and for dinner I had some melon, six cubes of dark chocolate(71% cacao), and ginger tea.
I told Thai guy that I needed to pass on dinner(because I would only be having a salad) and he decided to reschedule. I can’t say I don’t know what is going to happen there because I had mentioned to him that I don’t drink. But I just told him that I am in recovery. So this may work. He had mentioned that he wasn’t hot enough for me(then I had to reflect on how much of a jerk I am for giving hot guys a pass and scrutinizing not as hot guys, I hate that I do that).
A guy that I barely know(friend of friends) asked me for my number(and I tried to let him down gently). Then an old buddy wanted to go running this weekend. I agreed, but then when I could feel how geeked he was, I asked another friend to join us(who probably can’t make it). So, I have all of these opportunities to show kindness to others.
The other day, I went to see some friends in recovery and one of my old-timer friends gave me a huge lecture. I felt bad about it. I talked to my sponsor. She told me not to get complacent in my recovery. So I have to put time in my schedule for meetings. I feel like when I didn’t have a lot of responsibilities it was easy for me to be all consumed with my recovery. Now I’m busy and some days I’m just trying to breathe to keep my head above water.
I placed a hold on a bunch of Black Feminist writings at the library and I was able to pick them up today. I am reading poems by Gwendolyn Brooks and she sure is powerful. What an inspiration and reflection of life. So I look forward to learning a lot and expanding my knowledge base.
Sometimes I have to just stop and sit in my gratitude. I am thankful for all of my blessings and all of the great people that I have in my life. I am learning to be grateful for my lessons. I know that I am not perfect but it is nice to know that I am trying to make progress. It also doesn’t hurt that the weather is getting better. I think the sun makes everything better.
Here’s to life and gratitude 🙂