So love is in the air(because it is almost Valentine’s Day). I’m really excited because I actually have a valentine(which is awesome). But in all my discussion with friends about relationships, emotions, like, love, and everything in between, our conversations seemed to come back to the question of why now. Well, there is no time like the present.
I can only speak for myself. I thought about making a numbered list about this but it may be easier just to write it. The love I accepted in the past was shallow, hollow, and actually the total opposite of what love could ever look like. The love I accepted actually accepted all that I had to offer and gave me smidgen of scraps in return.
The love I accepted told me that I wasn’t worth more than a hot moment anywhere even though I placed real feelings and emotions into the mix. The love I accepted told me that I was not worthy of a title. The love I accepted was filled with drama and strife, while I wanted to bring peace and ease to each day. The love I accepted was insecure and shameful. While I clothed myself in security(what part of it was secure?).
The love I accepted told me that I would never have my dream body, while I accepted all kinds of bodies. The love I accepted never told me that I was pretty or beautiful or kind or actually anything. While compliments freely flowed from my lips. The love I accepted was hateful and told me that I would never be good enough, while I praised and held open arms.
The love I accepted was not committed. While I remained faithful no matter how infrequent we were together. The love I accepted was a dream crusher, while I built up and encouraged. The love I accepted was a liar and a cheater, while I was a one man kind of gal. The love I accepted put me down while I just pretended I didn’t hear.
The love I accepted hated me, every single part of me. While I focused on other things. The love I accepted didn’t see me as a person. While I validated and supported. The love I accepted did not stick up for me. While I was the biggest cheerleader. The love I accepted literally tried to kill me, while I cried out to God for rescue.
So, I took some time to take care of myself and heal. I know that my love journey is a long one but I am better off the healthier it is. Of course it is much easier to focus on yourself when you pull away from people. But a healthy support network is vital. A lot of prayer also helps. When you are able to be refreshed and renewed in your spirit, you learn that you are valuable and that you do have worth.
The love I deserve is kind, loving, respectful, sweet, and supportive. I have been able to find this love through my friends and family and now through my awesome boyfriend. The love I deserve values me because I affirm my own value. The love I deserve is kind to me. Even when I am not so kind to myself. The love I deserve is respectful of me(mind,body, and spirit). I am able to accept this love because I am respectful of myself and others. The love I deserve is sweet. I am able to accept this because I can show my sweet side. The love I deserve is supportive(of even my most outlandish ideas). This is only possible because I am supportive of myself and I freely give my support to others.
So while I have stepped into the deserving stage of my life, insecurity and small fears creep up out of nowhere and attempt to set up camp. This is so annoying. So I attempt to counter this with positive words and actions. I even just take a moment to tell myself that I deserve it. Because I do. We all do. Everyone deserves love that builds them up and does not tear them down. Everyone deserves to have people in their lives who affirm them, quirks and all because at the end of the day, we all want to be accepted.
One other huge component is open communication. I can talk about my feelings, fears, and insecurities and figure out when I have gone over the deep end. I have to take a deep breath and pray hard for my relationships and myself. Life is never harmed when we pause and pray. I also have to exercise(its a mood booster). So I have tools to keep me on track and moving in the direction of life and joy.
So here’s to healthy love in all of its forms 🙂
Shalom and Blessings
“Love is patient, love is kind.” 1 Corinthians 13:4