The dictionary says that my name means a precious stone. I have to agree with that. I can be really good about putting up walls at times. The person who takes the time to see past those walls, will find my precious heart.
I think that is what most singles want. We want someone to be able to look past our faults and mistakes and see the goodness in our hearts. Well, who doesn’t want that? I guess I can be quick to give someone acceptance and all of the good that I have to give with the expectation that I will receive it back. Well, that doesn’t work so well because people have free will and don’t operate under my expectations. Who knew? This has been a hard lesson to learn and I am still learning it. Knowing that I can’t force someone to have the same feelings for me is very humbling. Giving someone space to get to know me slowly is hard.
A friend and I had a conversation about the extroverted me compared to the introverted me. My excuse was “If I’m acting introverted I’m not being my true, authentic self”. Well, then it made me think “What if I have an introverted self?”. Who is that person? I have no idea. So in the spirit of honoring my whole self, I am making a commitment to do some things differently. Even though fireworks may be bursting in my head, I can do things differently.
So then I’m left thinking about all of my relationships. I have to pray harder for myself and others. Its a prayer of earnest supplication that says “Dear God please help me and guide me to love others the way you do. Help me to not let my selfish, hurtful desires get in the way of being the person you have made me to be. Help me to love myself the way you love me. Help me to be viligant about guarding my heart and the hearts of others”. In simple terms it says “Dear God I need more of you and less of me.”
It is only when I can see things from a different perspective that I can change for the better.
Otherwise, I do too much, I say too much, I desire too much, I build huge pedestals for people.
Thank God I get another day to get it right.


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